Ok, we all know I just rented a new house and it's more expensive than the house I have been renting. Daughter's BF is moving in with us...
Right now I live 9 blocks from where I work. He is about a 20 min drive from his job. The new house adds 15 mins to our commutes to work so he's decided to go back and stay with his folks since it's closer to his job, is rent-free and saves on gas... (we won't mention that he actually makes MORE money than I do and I was going to carry the vast burden of the expenses)
Luckily I found a house that's only $300/month more than what I'm paying here and the utilities should be lower.
Here are the problems that arise from this change:
1. I gotta have that extra $300 every month, because in addition to the rent, I have a car payment, insurance payment and medical expenses I have to take care of each month.
2. I gotta come up with all of the deposits myself.
3. I'm paying an extra week's rent on THIS house so I have time to get into the other one and get this one totally clean so I'll have some possibility of not losing my entire security deposit which is unlikely in the best event after living here 4 years.
4. I have to pay a deposit to the new electric company and pay off the bill from this summer in this house.
5. My eldest will be 18 in December which means a reduction in child support.
Solutions I'm working on:
1. Filing for an extension on the child support since she's going to be in school and living at home and he's not paying anything for college or helping us in any way even tho he's a guidance counselor.
This has an attendant problem... our original schedule of child support was made before I started full time as the manager and got a pay raise... mind you it hasn't taken into accounts any raises the ex got either so it hasn't decreased but neither has it increased. Going for an extension could result in a reduction not only because she's 18 but because my circumstances are slightly better. He makes $108,000 a year. I make $22,000 a year. When the original order was placed, I was making $12,000. HIs support obligation is $1200/month. I don't know if I can get by with it reduced. It's not right he gets to live high on the hog while we live in poverty but there you go. Nobody said life was fair and you make due with what you have and we manage.... it's just can we manage from here on in.
2. I'm going to find a part time job... it has to be far less physical than what I do now so that's going to be tricky.
Attendant problems... the one job is wearing me out because my physical condition is so poor but it pays fairly well as these things go and the benefits are pretty good. I want to have time to spend with my kids and working two jobs is going to take time away from the only parent they spend time with.... but again... you do what you have to do.
3. I'm going to look around for a full time job that pays better.
Attendant problems: I live in a rural area although it's a small town and the county seat. Although I've done a LOT of different things, none of them is going to work in my favor here. By degree I'm a primatologist... my speciality is primate nutrition and rehab. Aside from the fact that the nearest zoos to me are over an hours drive and neither has a large primate collection, I'm physically incapable of doing the work since I only have 40% function of the left arm and I'm left handed. It works well enough for me to be a cook... but not for me to work with dangerous animals. Also... zookeeping doesn't pay much more than working as a cook. You don't go into it to make a bundle.
Ok, now that I've whined... LOL... really I'm just doing this to set things in order in my mind and see if perhaps anyone sees any options I missed here.
My son is freaking out because I'm being very calm about all this but I keep telling him that once we move, I'll start the job hunt. You have to do one thing at a time and get it done before you move to the next thing or you'll be tearing out your hair and sleepless with worry. I figure I'll worry about the move, then worry about the job. If nothing else, I can work at McD's part time. I need about an additional take home of $400 each month and even in a low paying unskilled job I can manage that.
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kywonder
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Sep 21 @ 11:44PM
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Kudo's to you. Somehow I get the impression that you will make it work. 
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sarina543
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Sep 22 @ 12:01AM
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Just a note, I informed my oldest son today that when his child support ends in February, that he will have to give me 50 dollars a week, half of his support payment, and then I told my exhusband that he had to give me 75 dollars a week seeing as how the boy is his son and his education is more important, than the fathers drugs. Everyone has agreed and I have a signed document to prove it ( I know my ex very well and I needed a legal leg to stand on) My suggestion is that the boyfriend help out and the daughter also help out. I told my son, I would continue to pay what I have paid up to this point (cell phone, not too bad on my plan, I will feed him, keep a roof over his head, and I will keep the electricity on, and the cable) but his insurance, car maintance and repairs are his problem, his friends will not raid my fridge for free, this is still my house, things will operate by my rules. All I ask is that he keeps his grades up and graduates high school, and then college. He has accepted this offer, so that he can finish his education without the total struggle that alot of kids face when they move out on thier own. I never want to see him struggle like I do.
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sweetxy
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Sep 22 @ 12:47AM
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but again... you do what you have to do.
Proud to be a woman,
Remember! we can also father our kids...
but men can't mother kids.
We can make anything happen if we really want to , do our best ,the rest i give to above, miracle can happen in the last minute before we give up.
I almost gave up with living alone somany times but I learned and I'll not give up again .
Life ain't always beautiful,
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ragtopcookie
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Sep 22 @ 3:59AM
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As a single father.....i had to be both......and i learned...the best i could....to mother both of my kids....as she wasnt around much......i did ask alot of women as to how to do this....because i am a father.....just wanted to let you know a few exceptions are out there.......we had to be.......cookie
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cOuNtRyGiRl816
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Sep 22 @ 8:15AM
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I have no doubt you'll be able to do all this. But I'm wondering if the cost of living is exceptionally high in your area? I manage to get by on my paycheck, which isn't a whole lot, but it keeps me home in the evenings to be with my daughter. I only get 160/month in child support so that 1200/month u quoted blew me away. My ex-hubby makes about 50k/year and I'm scraping by on about 12k-13k a year. And yet they won't raise it. I could live comftortable without working at all on that 1200/month u get for CS. But anyways....I guess its all the area you live in. Cost of living must be higher!
Best of Luck
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Lady_Panthea
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Sep 22 @ 9:45AM
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We women are quite strong. We can withstand just about anything and I am sure you can do it as well. My daughter and I are currently living in a shelter and our car. I know you will do well. Hang in there and 'keep swimming'.
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wolfmist
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Sep 22 @ 10:24AM
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Thanks for writing me :) That's the agreement I had with mine. She's got to pay her own insurance and gas and maintenance and a little toward the cell phone I pay for. BF was meant to be paying me $300 in rent. My son is going to pay his phone bill as he works and put money away for his car insurance when he can drive next year.
Thought I had it worked out but you know... you roll with the punches as best you can! Right now I have two black eyes. LOL
Yes, the cost of living is terrible here. It's one of the worst places to live on the east coast because we're more or less a suburb of DC, Baltimore and other major cities. People commute huge distances to work here because where I live is even less expensive than in the cities. Tiny tiny houses cost a quarter of a million dollars and even in terrible neighborhoods they are over $100,000. You can buy a tiny trailer somewhere for $60,000 but not in my area... you can't have them in this county. My boss just moved to Delaware and commutes over an hour because it's cheaper even with the high cost of gas for him to live there. We also have tremendous taxes here... one of the highest in the country.
We looked and looked and looked at houses and apartments and for three bedrooms everything was over $1,000. I worked one my own and then with a realtor for weeks.
I can't move them more than a certain distance from their dad because of the custody agreement which the court keeps working in his favor no matter what.I got offered a great job in central Florida last year, close to my best friend where the cost of living is MUCH lower and he refused to let me take it. I'm trapped here for another 6 years till the youngest turns 18.
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wolfmist
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Sep 22 @ 11:13AM
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Cookie, you're a good man and we know you're great with your kids... I love to read your blogs about them! I know a few men who are like you both online and in real life. I wish I'd found one of you before I got caught up with the ex!! Of course, he told me everything I wanted to hear and thus was I fooled... but my dad was a wonderful man, great father and I know there are others out there which is why I'm here on MD, hoping to find one!
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MrPaul
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Sep 22 @ 6:43PM
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 Step by step you can do it, Talk to your local legal aid office they should help you with the child support issue. And thank your lucky stars you get the child support even though based on the income he makes you should get more. My Ex was ordered to pay..  ...............................................................$40.00 a week starting when my daugher was 6 weeks old  .............................................................................................My daughter is now 21 and to date we have recived.....................$80.00
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