Sunday started off like most Sunday's when the boy is with his father. I get up early; complete my chores as my new Prince Charming is already out on the golf course preparing to tell tales of "my best game ever" to his buddies. After chores I plot out my day of shopping in the town 70 miles away where ex spouse and I do the child swap thing.
I hop in my car with the required cooler containing exactly 2 chilled diet cokes inside waiting to sate my guaranteed thirst. I drive mostly back roads and the prospect of a soda machine at the exact spot is doubtful.
Today I have a fleeting thought coming from that little voice in the back of my mind that I need to check the tire pressure. Later I will remind myself why I agreed to always listen to that little voice. Anyway, cokes secured in the passenger seat and Bridgett Jones preparing to entertain me on my journey I embark on my shopping, child fetching adventure.
I left my driveway at precisely two o’clock. Just enough time to get to the shopping center an hour and a half ahead of the ex spouse and man child. I’m daydreaming as I take the all too familiar twists and turns of my bi-monthly trip. Bridgett has had Daniel remove her tiny skirt several times by now and Mark Darcy has appeared looking quite stunning at least once. I watch the movie at least one time a year while totally drunk and giggle as she calls cigarettes “fags”. The book on disc goes into great detail and will no doubt make watching the movie that much more enjoyable.
I cross the bridge in to the nearby state and notice the new guardrails recently installed during the renovation. The road suddenly became quite coarse and as I looked around for evidence of ruts in the new pavement it dawned on me that my tire had gone flat. I merge into the slow lane and spot a business parking lot. “Wonderful, a package liquor store”. The town I had the misfortune to find my self broken in was once a Gem on the River. Today it is full of burned out, falling down buildings infested with crack whores and pregnant teenagers or teenagers in the process of becoming pregnant. My mantra is typically “Dear God, please, please, please…DON’T LET ME BREAK DOWN IN THIS TOWN”. Today God said…”Tried to warn you kiddo, but you did NOT listen to me”.
I’m safely off the road with my windows up tight and doors locked taking a deep breath. What to do first? I have diet coke and just happen to have some Xanax in my purse. I tear open my purse and bite off ½ a Xanax. A whole pill puts me to sleep and gives me an awful headache but ½ lowers my blood pressure and takes the pair of hands off my neck! “Breathe, Breaths” I keep reminding myself. By this time I’m pretty sure the Ghetto Thugs are still sleeping and I feel brave enough to open my car door. I peer around the back of my car just in time to hear some astute passerby shout….”Looks Flat to Me”. I bet he’s a high school graduate!
I take out my cell phone and toy with the idea of calling Prince Charming. He might dress pretty and play golf but I know for a fact he is a man’s man and knows how to change a flat tire, among other things. I hit his number before I have second thoughts. He answered quickly in that oh so sweet voice I tell myself he saves for me. That’s when I lost it; I broke down crying about how helpless I am and how STUPID that makes me feel. He told me to return to my car, stay away from the Xanax and continue listening to my book on disc he’d bee there in a jiffy. The golf course was only 30 minutes away from where I’d become stranded.
I was about to enter the Tarts and Vicar’s party with Bridgette when he zipped into the lot next to my car in his Silver Beemer. Not exactly a knight but darned close! He brought his buddy along for the ride just in case they needed to confer about the best way to approach my present situation. I suspect it was to have a witness to his bravery. He wipes away the remnants of a tear, plants a gentle kiss on my lips and changes the tire so quickly I’d be amazed if he wasn’t a pit crew member in a past life. Tire changed he tosses his keys to his buddy and asks if I want to drive or shall he. I’m feeling brave now with him at my side and we head off to fetch man child.
I think he’s a keeper, I think I need to learn to change my own tire but remember how to pretend I don’t know how and remember, remember, remember to listen to that little voice.
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