Re: Always Supporting Our Friends
I was reading blogs this morning and added my 2 cents in the one posted a few days ago about MD friends who don't seem to realistically “deal with” perhaps negative behavior or issues. It was suggested and more or less confirmed in the comments that “supporting our friends & others” is the way of love.
As I said, I added my 2 cents worth -- being: (in case you are just now in this particular loop):
I'm with you [the originator of the blog] that a real/true friend addresses issues to help a person along their way. However... & that's I believe the "key", addressing such issues is probably best approached in a private e-mail.
On the other hand, there have been blogs where people have openly stated they were seeking advice where I've offered my "assistance" and I guess it wasn't what they "wanted" to hear so... I didn't get posted. There are those who simply want validation moreso than growth.
Here's to all "Be all that you can be...." (tune of commercial - in the army ) then again.... or not
MY ADDENDUM is / was:
When we see friends and loved ones in self-destructive behavior and do not intercede – it is called “enabling”.
We are making it practical & easy for them, sanctioning their behavior, which could ultimately result in disaster – long or short term. I certainly do not want the distruction of a friend on my head or heart. We don't need to beat them up, but sometimes a mere, "Did you ever consider......." or "What if you looked at it this way....?" might be a gentle nudge toward improvement in their life.
One of the best friends I ever had laid the cards on the table where my self-destructive behavior was concerned. I knew she was right. Had she supported me in all my reasons for my behavior (which believe me were legitimate), I could have easily lost my children. (Just for the record - I was drinking excessively during my divorce.) You can mess with me - but leave my kids alone!!! It was a risk I was not willing to take even if it did "ease my anger."
I believe this would make for a good thread in the forums. We might be surprised if people are willing to share testimonials to interventions.
In the meantime. All posts will be accepted here with the exception of those getting out of hand &/or using excessive disrespect of others.  I not only have no problem with opposing views, I welcome them.
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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read more blogs!
Blogs by CrackerJackPat:
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| .... But I have an addendum ! |
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ohtayicu
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Sep 24 @ 9:15PM
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private emails that offer a solution to a person's "problems," might be a step in the right direction. however, by not publicly opposing other commentor's advice or offer of a shoulder to cry on,,, we lead people to think everybody agrees with the vocalized public statements. perhaps stirring up a hornet's nest by "calling out" our friend's negative behavior will get others to join the fight, and get others to offer help to the original blogger. or not...
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SpiritEnergy
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Sep 24 @ 9:33PM
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Oh, I agree. I do not enable people. And many times they do not want to hear what you have to say. I will tell many people what I feel/see/hear in response to their posts/blogs. One guy even made a put down statement to my comment on his blog and never emailed me back to comment.
I wondered why I got no response to him so I looked the blog up and saw how he had responded. I almost wrote him and decided that I was just not going to waste my time. He is what I call a victim/victimizer. I offered a different outlook and he was insulting so, eventually, if enough people are honest, maybe he will get it.
Funny thing is, another reader wrote me and said she wanted to make the comment as well but decided not to. Now after seeing his put down statement and what his TRUE personality is like, I understand WHY she declined posting a comment. Perhaps she knew him and how he reacts to people. 
Oh well! His karma.
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Loreli
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Sep 25 @ 8:21AM
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I have family members that enabled my boys when they were in the terrible teens. Fortunately, the boys ended up just fine, but it really created a problem with the relationship I had/have with the family members.
We still see each other, just not like we use to 
Enabling can cause strain on friendships.
Good friendships will withstand gentle honesties.
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