Continuation of Dear Ms. Murray
I felt sorry for him and the way his wife had 'cheated' on him during their marriage. That reason later changed, as she had really left him because he refused to do anything to their home to make it more comfortable for their young family. I realised from then on, that if he couldn’t care much for his own flesh a blood, there wasn’t a chance he could care for me either.
He never had a good word to say about his ex-wife, that disturbed me, because she is the mother of his children and it showed a lack of respect.
He constantly moaned about the cost of oil and refused to heat the living areas in the house. He did light the most beautiful log fire once, but it was in a disused part of the house, I’m not sure what that was all about.
The spare kitchen was always warm, heated by the Aga that he raved about, yet never cooked a burned meal on.
He will buy you no end of expensive flowers, he won’t mind paying £8 for a chicken salad with no chicken, which was more like lettuce soup, but he begrudges paying for anything to make life a little more comfortable.
If the dog is ever sick, I suggest you order him to spend some money at the vet, but he will refuse. 
He went for a walk once, I think he might have even taken the dog.
I hope you know which way round a toilet roll is supposed to sit in the dispenser, he can get most upset if you get it wrong.
Don’t ever wipe the top of the stove with a dishcloth, he can get rather angry at that. I’m not sure what you are supposed to use to do it, but I would ask, rather than get yourself into trouble over something trivial.
He cooks a mean omelette, they’re black and crunchy, just pretend you like it, it can save a lot of hassle.
If the shower doesn’t work, don’t bother to tell him, because he won’t want to get it fixed. He will keep asking you if it has been fixed, even though he knows it hasn’t. He has his own shower, so there’s really no need for him to worry about a thing.
Don’t ever cook bacon in the house and it’s not because he is Jewish, he eats bacon himself. You mustn’t cook bacon, because he can’t stand the smell, Personally if I can’t stand the smell of food, I don’t find it palatable either, but he finds anything edible most palatable.
Don’t ever wear a cross or anything remotely religious, he will find it offensive.
Always make sure you drive over and well above the speed limit at all times, he can get quite upset if he feels you are driving too slowly. He may even want to take the wheel drive at speeds of over 100 mph, fall asleep at the wheel and tell you it was an accident, he didn’t mean it, then oops, he’s off again...My life is worth more.
Do not walk or drive on the grass verges, this can make him extremely irate, it’s how he became known as ‘The Nasty Farmer Who Lives Down The Road.’ If anyone else should walk or drive on the verges, this is when he really loses it. I found it rather funny, hilarious, how someone can be so partial to a few blades of grass. Don’t tell him I said, but it is only grass and I drove on them on purpose. 
And with that Ms. Murray I will leave it, because although I entertained myself with the first blog, I now feel as if I am lowering myself to your level. It's not my style.
Unless you feel the need to contact me again of course, but I wouldn't advise it. 
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
|
|