“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”
~ Sydney J. Harris
I've got a big mouth and find that my foot fits in it quite easily and often. My grandfather once referred to me as "Radio" because I talked all the time. No one could possibly talk as much as I do without committing and error now and then, but I have a real knack for it.
I sold Chryslers back when you simply couldn't sell Chryslers. I remember having the worst month I ever had and was facing starvation when I finally had a sale within my grasp. I test drove a minivan (and really that's the only Chrysler you could sell back in the 90s) with a woman who was receptive to "working out some numbers". She was a very large woman who nearly didn't fit in the chair across my desk. I worked frantically and put something together that worked for both of us. I excused myself to get the deal approved but on my way out of the office I turned to her and said "This may take a minute or two. Would you like something to drink? How 'bout a Diet Coke?" That would have been enough for most people, but not for me. Realizing what I had said, I quickly added "Or you can have a regular Coke if you want".
It's not a great story, but it is typical of my communication skills. I probably regret more things I've said out of stupidity than I have out of passion, but there is plenty of regret in all cases. And yet when the final days come and I stand "on the sad height" it will be the things I didn't say that I will regret the most.
It was during the Chrysler 90s that my child began spending Tuesday nights with Grandma. This enabled a thirty-something single dad to go out and behave like other thirty-something men. I was sitting in a Ruby Tuesday's bar during happy-hour contemplating the rest of a Tuesday night when I noticed I was not alone. There was a couple sitting across the corner from me at the square-shaped bar. I paid them no mind until the woman addressed me: "Hello Roger". I looked at her with what I'm sure was a puzzled look. "Hey, how ya doin'" I replied with my forced, obligatory smile. I had not a clue who she was. A couple of beers later, I picked up the familiar voice from the stranger I had greeted in autopilot mode. It hit me all at once that this was no stranger, but rather the object of the single greatest crush I ever had on a girl in high school.
I later learned that she had been involved in a head-on car crash. And I wince when I think of the pain she must have felt behind the obligatory smile she gave me when I looked at her the second time with my ineluctable "oh my" expression. I wasn't obliged to say "I'm sorry". I wasn't obliged to tell her that her real beauty was, and had always been, on the inside. But I was obliged to say something. And even though we've talked since then, and modern medicine has fully restored her natural physical beauty, I've always looked back on the fact that I left that bar without uttering a single word as one of the low points of my life.
And so now with each step I take toward that sad height, I find myself having to reconcile my belief that "less is more" with the inescapable sting that will come with leaving things unsaid. I find it a daunting quandary to say the least and that the simple awareness of it does nothing to alleviate it.
My apologies to those of you who were looking for a point to all of this. I just felt like writing. This was on my mind.
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Blogs by PsychoMagnet:
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| And the Silence of Our Words . . . |
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Tunes4u
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Oct 4 @ 5:32PM
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So did ya sell the mini-van? 
I just gotta know.............
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fenderchick
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Oct 4 @ 5:40PM
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"Hello Roger". I looked at her with what I'm sure was a puzzled look. "Hey, how ya doin'" I replied with my forced, obligatory smile. I had not a clue who she was.
I do that so often...Except they don't call me Roger...Well sometimes they do but that's not the point. 
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kywonder
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Oct 4 @ 6:50PM
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I thought I was the only one with that dreaded disease. I call the the "hoof and mouth" disease, because I am so good at putting my foot in my mouth, and as usual, the wrong time.
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luvshorses644
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Oct 4 @ 6:54PM
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R, I think the whole point of the blog was the awareness of the quote.. for the things you did not do. I think of awareness as a growth spurt. It tempers us, it makes us strive to do better, become more, reach higher.
I put my foot in my mouth many times also, but I am not always aware of the ramifications of my errors and lack of doing better. I find wisdom in your writing that will help me.
And I'm with Tunes on the question also... did ya sell her the mini-van and I am gonna toss another one to you.. did she take you up on the drink?
Nice blog, R....
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missliss78
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Oct 4 @ 8:01PM
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As time goes on, I seem to recall less & less of my past...which is a good thing when it comes to those gaffs.
As for the point of your blog...well, so many of us enjoy reading you...point or not. This one even taught me a new word. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us again!~*~
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redtigr
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Oct 4 @ 10:32PM
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Your point seems obvious - but I am left puzzled by this most revealing statement: No one could possibly talk as much as I do without committing and error now and then
...whoa
I've always imagined you as reticent, reserved and self-restrained - you know - the brooding writer who silently observes all about him but holds comment and conversation to monosyllabic replies, nods and shrugs. Able to freely converse only in his own company, he is forced to record what he considers "chats;" monologues intended for others to distill sans Psycho... Failing this, and unable to descant, he must, must, must write; the writing being his bridge to normalcy, his lifeline to sanity...
Another fantasy disintegrates...
I shall have to re-think you.
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scorpiogirl36
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Oct 4 @ 10:40PM
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Good blog! 
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actuallyspeechless
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Oct 4 @ 11:35PM
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I just joined today and I have to say, R, your really interesting!!! You said something about cutting up a chicken (going to play dumb here) now, would that mean you love to eat????...I too love to eat but have been forced to lose weight (60lbs) because if I dont do it now, I will be one of those old saggy women in a nursing home...nothing against them I just dont want it to be me!!
I truely like your blog..very intelligent and deep I wish more peeps were open like that!!
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jentoblues101
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Oct 5 @ 10:42AM
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I find myself having to reconcile my belief that "less is more" with the inescapable sting that will come with leaving things unsaid.
Does this mean you're getting ready to proclaim your undying love for me?
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unionman154
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Oct 5 @ 11:31AM
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I have always admired those who can tell a lie with a straight face and keep secrets.
I can't do either. Plus I get caught at everything I do. I would make a really bad criminal.
But I am the King when it comes to putting one's foot in their mouth. 
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misschief
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Oct 8 @ 5:36PM
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Where did you borrow this blog from? 
I loved it, kudos.
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