When I was 17, I dated this guy I met at a party. He seemed super nice and a cool guy. When we started going out, he was awesome. The longer we dated, things went downhill. He was abusive and manipulative. There are things he did that I'm not going to mention, but let's just say, if I had gone to the police, he'd still be in prison. I met someone else who was a decent guy, and my friend was trying to get me to meet new guys, so she introduced me to her BF's friend. We hit it off. I was sick of the abuse with the guy I was with so I tried to break up with him. The result? He stalked me for two months, threatened me and my new bf. I even got into a fist fight with him because he would not leave me alone. I went to the police about the stalking and the harassment, they told him if he kept it up, he was going to get arrested. After that, I never really saw him again. The last I had heard he moved away from my town and down south in the Milwaukee area, after knocking some poor idiot girl up. He ended up calling the friend that helped me get out of that relationship and told her that she should tell me that he was sorry. Sorry?! Sorry doesn't even come close to cutting it for what he did. After that, I didn't hear anything for like a year. Then I heard he was living back up here and stalking one of my friend's friends. That was like a year ago now. Well after I heard all that, he tried to friend me on myspace, I blocked him and told him to leave me the hell alone and to never try to contact me ever again, this was 12/20/07. Which was fine, I didn't hear anything from him, which is awesome. The I saw my friend at the bar and she said that I should call him so he can talk to me. I looked at her and was just like, "Do I look f'n stupid? I'm not giving him my number." I told her to tell him to take his apology and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Then for a few months I didn't hear anything or see anything. This kid keeps my radar on high alert. So I went to Wal* Mart to buy hair dye, and I was crouching down debating on red or blonde when something told me to look up and it was... *gasp* him. I grabbed the red and took off like a bat out of hell. Then I got to thinking... why the F is he in FDL? He lives in Sussex. So wtf would he be shopping at Wal* Mart in FDL? So I bring up his criminal record and it shows that he now LIVES in FDL. That's fine as long as he stays away from me, right? Well, a few weeks later, I go to one of the local bars, I see him and I walk right back the F out and go to a different bar. I didn't see him again after that until 2 weeks ago. He showed up at my work. He sat outside my store and stared at me for an hour and a half. I had my friend walk me to my car. (I understand that I work in a mall which is a public place and he is allowed to be at.) Then last Wednesday, I had to work again and he shows up at my work AGAIN! This time he walks past my store 3 times in the time frame of two minutes. So again, I had my friend come to work and sit with me and walk me to my car after work. My parents were gone that night on a trip and I thought he followed me home because the dogs were at the back door barking. I didn't open the door to look, I just shut off all the lights and went to my room and locked the door. Then last night I went out with some girlfriends and he was at the same bar, so I left right away. And I have to work today, and if he shows up today, IDKWTF I'm going to do. I'm not going to quit my job.
What can I do? He hasn't "physically" done anything to me since I was 17. I don't think I can get a RO on him. If I can, I most certainly will, but since my work place is a public area, he has a right to be there, but he does not have the right to torment me while I'm working. He hasn't made any threatening gestures, or anything like that, he just walks by and stares at me or sits across from my work in the tea shop and stares at me. Which I find menacing anyway, because I know what he is capable of. My friends think I'm being overly paranoid, I don't think I'm being paranoid enough.
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kjac
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Oct 5 @ 2:50PM
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It sounds like you're in a bind. The first thing you should do is check the anti-stalking laws in your state. There might be something there for you. Some states have tougher laws than others. Also check with the local police. There's not much they can do, but having them swing by a couple of times might scare him off.
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butterfly943
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Oct 5 @ 2:58PM
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Get a protection order against him....no one has a right to do that to another person..if he violates it..well he might learn a lessen behind bars.. btw he doesnt have to beat you to go to jail...good luck
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kywonder
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Oct 5 @ 3:02PM
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That is just as much torture and abuse as any other kind. Not having peace of mind is worse than just about any form of abuse I know. I would definitely get hold of the police, tell them the abuse background and ask if there was something you could do. Don't wait too long. Don't wait too long.
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SallyF
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Oct 5 @ 3:04PM
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Don't most malls have security guards? Maybe one or two of them would be willing to stop on their 'stroll'---give him the once over, maybe take some notes. Be careful.
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chek1678
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Oct 5 @ 3:23PM
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In your browser, Punch up "Stalking Law Wisconsin. This should give you a place to start looking for an answer.
With each state being different with their laws, sometimes you just need to protect yourself. Only you know what he is capable of doing.
Take care and best of luck,
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DaisyMae420
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Oct 5 @ 3:31PM
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Don't waste another day. Like the others have said...talk to the police and find out your options. I have no clue how big your town is or if it would be likely for him to actually "bump" into you so often. Heck, I was talking to a friend of mine today who said..."I haven't seen him in years and you'd think I would because we travel in the same circles"...our town is 30,000.
It sounds like stalking to me, be careful and good luck.
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missliss78
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Oct 5 @ 3:47PM
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I think you should definitely talk to the authorities about this.
It doesn't cost a thing to go down to the police department & ask to talk to an officer or detective. Present your situation & let them advise you. If nothing else, ask them to file a report from you so that it is on record that you are having problems, then if things continue to progress, you are already on record about the guy.
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ohtayicu
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Oct 5 @ 4:28PM
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missliss made a good point about getting it on record.
think sally made an excellent point. if a BIG guard could stop, and relay the info that he would NEVER let anything happen to you....
kjac suggesting having the local cops swing around, is another good point. they could let him know, if ANYTHING happens to you, they will look at him first.
last, if any of your BIG guy friends could stroll by, and perhaps sit at the next table, and leave when he does, and FOLLOW him to his vehicle, and record his plate number, he might decide to leave YOU alone. if he comes back, your guy friend could suggest to him, it PROBABLY is not a good idea. before i used this last tactic, i would have consulted the cops first, to make sure my friends don't get into trouble.
good luck.
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CPUfan
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Oct 5 @ 4:33PM
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He's stalking you.
I'm 100% with you and the other posters, a restraining order gets my vote too. Contact the police first. If there is security at your work, prepare them by advising them of the problem. Then you can just have the store call it in.
He's demonstrating obsessive-compulsive behaviour. He isn't giving you the option of staying a long distance away. He's positioning himself in your proximity.
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carnalsins
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Oct 5 @ 7:22PM
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What I don't understand though is its been 3 years! That's a long time. Why would he bother now? I don't get it. Maybe because I'm not a psycho, but IDK.
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TroutFishing
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Oct 5 @ 7:57PM
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I heard once that stalking takes a 10 year cycle.
Report him NOW and every time you see him,
 
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ttomtarr
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Oct 5 @ 8:45PM
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Yes, notify the authorities, but take your own actions to protect yourself. Take responsibility for your own safety, and take action.
If you put the game on him, he will fade. Put a red dot on him with a laser pen. If he is in your yard, turn on the hose. If he comes close, blow a police whistle, or just scream. If people ask why, tell them. His type hate public attention and scrutiny,
If you have the personality to use it, get a concealed weapons permit and a small pistol, and load the first shot with birdshot. You can't miss. Or at least get a can of spray mace and use it if the bozo gets too close or threatens you. If you make a mistake you can always wash him off. If he complains it will spotlight his staulking.
Young cops tend to have a favorite bar where they meet in off hours.. Visit, flirt a bit, and talk about your problems. A lot of law enforcement guys strongly dislike the bullying lawbreakers, and know just what to do.
His type feed on fear and terror. I have dealt with them and they melt down in front of a big guy, or even a determined small man. Even resistance from a small woman will make them seek easier prey.
They also fed on silence and obscurity. Calls to mutual friends, his boss, and everyone you legally can will make him disappear.
In most states, if you call the cops have to come. Call them and complain. Did you think you saw a gun in his hand? The glimmer of light on a long blade? Not sure? Call the cops to check him out. Did he appear to have his hand in his open fly? They should check that. Their repeated attentions will strip him of his anonimity. and make him prime suspect for any crimainality concerning you. If he has a record, cops will classify him as a puke (not a good citizen). Pukes get speciaal police attention that will make him seek a new home.
Don't defend...Attack.
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