Told me you loved me, why did you... boom, boom, boom, la la la, ... wow really, I've heard they're just beautiful Jesus why can't kids just watch the TV without channel hopping, my neck is so damned sore, and my shoulders, I'm just so down, I guess it was all that wine last night, nice wine, enjoyed it at the time, I love a nice red, just can't stop at the one bottle sometimes, why is that? I was enjoying him so much I didn't notice how much I was drinking, they took so long to go to bed, I thought they'd never go, I do miss my quiet time, when did that change? It seems such a long time ago, I did used to have time to myself once. Now I rarely get it, it's just life, I know that, sometimes I hate life, sometimes I love it, I just want to be with him, every day it gets harder and harder not to be together, does anyone understand except him and me, I wonder, I rarely talk about it to people, they don't really want to know, I think they think I'm nuts anyway, I don't care what they think, I just don't enjoy watching the vacant expression on their faces, so I don't talk about him, I really want to talk about him though, I love him so much, staying quiet makes it seem like he's some kind of guilty secret or something, it's so hard not being able to talk about someone you love, especially someone like him who is so interesting, what's that? oh, just the kitten, are you coming in or going out? I used to hate hearing women gabbling on about their men, not because I was jealous but because what they were telling me was so inane, some women find the most ridiculous things about men charming or exciting, I reckon it's all about sex really, although they don't realise it and would deny it to the hilt anyway, when a guy is physically attractive to a woman she forgives him anything, well she doesn't forgive him really, just pushes it to the back of her mind and brings it up at a later date, usually when the relationship is in it's last death throes, I've seen it so many times before, done it myself too, when you find yourself making excuses for a man, it's pretty much dead in the water, over, we just don't want to admit it, mmmm, yeah, he's sexy, oh God, he's so sexy, but that's not what drew me to him to begin with, he's so much more, in fact he knows as well as I do I was worried I might not be physically attracted, goodnight sweetheart, see you in the morning, do you have your bag ready for school? how crazy that seems now, I couldn't be more turned on if I had a little switch to flick on, it all grew from knowing him though, not that instant wow thing, though now I wonder why, I think I just wasn't in the right frame of mind, I'd given up, really given up, acceptance is a wonderful thing, I was quite happy in the knowledge I wasn't going to find anyone some time soon, I was willing take my chances and follow other pursuits, spending all that time on line and ending up hurt or disappointed, even though it was fun at times was draining, it felt good to be out of the game, he crept up on me, though he'd been there all along, now it all feels like it's always been, not a dream, a reality, this is my life now, him, me, this computer, his voice, my voice, his face, my face, our tears, our laughter, our hopes, our desires, the reassurance we will be together, how I love this man, I've never felt this way before in my whole life, I always knew it was possible to love more than I have before but, never like this, never so deep that it grows stronger every day, how did I not fall in love with him at first sight? he is so perfect, perfect in his imperfections, I love everything that is him, I love him when he's happy and excited or if he's tired and grumpy, although it never lasts long, it always feels so good to know just seeing my face changes all that, cheers him up in an instant, knowing I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and he can't stop telling that just blows me away, it's not a line, he's not that type, he's so sincere, he never says anything he doesn't mean, I even enjoy disagreeing with him, although that rarely happens, we think so alike, although he's much smarter than me in so many ways, but I'm smarter than him in other ways, he knows things, is full of knowledge like a walking library, I sometimes feel I could ask him anything and he'd know the answer, there's something kind of comforting in that, being able to look up to him in that way, I know difference stuff though, things about human nature and life, I guess we fit together perfectly because of that, so alike and yet sufficiently different to keep things interesting, like I said in my profile, my love, my baby, my soul mate, my best friend, it's been nearly six months now, and it seems like six years, no more like sixty, every night sat at this machine, signing in, talking about our day, friends and family, thinking, planning and hoping for the future, never giving up, It's a part of my life now, he's a part of my life, such a major part that it really just revolves around it, I don't know what I'd do without him, I guess I'd survive, I know how to do that, but the light would go out of life for me, for sure, I know that as much as I know I love him more than anything else in the world, that rabbit needs feeding, interesting how it lets me know, animals are so clever, I wish the children would do what I ask them to, I'd better feed the poor thing, see if he has water, we know we've been tested and for a while we weren't sure why but we now know we both needed to prove to ourselves as well as each other that this is what we really want, yes, I want to talk about him, if someone is willing to listen I could talk about him all day, although I'm careful not to because I know people really aren't that interested, but I don't have to talk about him, it doesn't matter if no one knows or listens or even care, I don't need other people's affirmation to know how I feel, I wonder if anyone else out there knows how great it feels to be able to be completely themselves with another human being, I do hope so, I do hope the kind of love we have isn't so rare, movie love we call it, what we've always wanted, love like in the movies and damn all those who think it doesn't exist
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