Marriage is.....................Part 1

A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.

A classified ad which read "Wife Wanted" received hundreds of responses, all from men saying "You can have mine."

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband expects his wife to be perfect... and to understand why he's not.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

A son asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying for it."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.

A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." The friend asked, "And what was he before you married him?" The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.

As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. [I'll alter him!]

Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.