Many an author, comedian, or otherwise insane person has ventured into defining the differences between men and women. Being a member of only the final group I have decided it is time for me to weigh in on this subject. So here goes. *Gulp*
Modesty - One of the most confusing aspects of this subject is the gender biases that have evolved regarding modesty. To understand these differences I give you two situations;
#1 - Women's Locker Room
Jill - Hi Mary.
Mary - Hi Jill... Hey, did you get your boobs enlarged?
Jill - Why yes I did. Want to feel?
Mary - Okay.
#2 - A local Bar
Jill - Hi Bob
Bob - Hi Jill... Hey, did you get your boobs enlarged?
Jill - Uhmmmmm
Bob - Can I touch them? Hey, is that a tazer?
As you can see for women it is perfectly acceptable for another woman to comment on her body. However, a man making similar comments will be electrocuted instantly. However, the inverse situation is quite the opposite. Let's examine;
#1 - The Men's Locker Room
John - Hi Bob.
Bob - Hi John. Hey, did you get a penile impl WHOA DUDE DON'T SHOOT ME!!!
#2 - The Local Bar
Jill - Hi Bob
Bob - Hi Jill. I just got a penile implant. Want to touch it? Hey, is that a tazer?
Curiously, while women only want to show off their surgically altered parts to the same sex, men only want to show them to the opposite. I have heard stories of women examining the scars from each other's breast reduction surgeries, but have yet to run across the brave man wanting to show off his vasectomy scar while on a fishing trip with the boys. Simply put, women only feel comfortable showing their bodies off to other women (who they can easily find flaw with) where men only want to show their bodies off to other women. (in the hopes that it will make the woman show her body to him.)
There are exceptions to this rule. Having played hockey again I have been witness to that one guy on every team that feels that he doesn't need a towel when he walks to the shower. And who could ignore the 280 pound steroid-fueled behemoth that walks around flexing every part of his body he can to make the rest of us skinny people in the gym cry ourselves to sleep every night? And there are the women that feel that urge every time they are in a bar and have had 1/2 a shot of tequila to show everyone in the bar just how far their boobs sag. But these are exceptions to the rule, and are also the reason why I believe we still need capital punishment.
Tact - This difference is simple - Men don't have any.
Vanity - I have attempted to walk out of the house for a date wearing a South Park t-shirt with Stan puking on the back, a cowboy hat, a jean jacket, and a pair of black khakis. (True story... it was laundry day and I had nothing else to wear) I still have 2 (not 1, but 2) 1980's Hair Band-style leather jackets that I own. (You know, the kind with the fringes and the metal bucket at the bottom) I have seen men come to work dressed in clothes I would feel guilty giving to a homeless person.
On the opposite side, I have seen a woman try on 20 different outfits and scream those dreaded words "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!" while standing in front of a closet full of some of the most colorful and expensive clothing on the planet just to go outside to get the mail. I have seen a woman change her makeup because it didn't match the interior of the car. There isn't a man on the planet who understands why you can't wear white after Labor Day.
Simply put, males, unless they are gay, could care less what you think about our clothes. Women couldn't think more about what you think of their clothes.
On this subject, I have a query; Why do women feel it's necessary to have 172 pairs of shoes? I have 4; my running shoes, the shoes I work out in, my cowboy boots, and my dress shoes. Isn't it possible to survive with less than 17 pairs of white open-toed sandals???
Next time : The Differences in Male and Female Eating Habits and Child Discipline
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KnittinKitten
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Oct 20 @ 2:30PM
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I can't believe this was written on 10/10 and to date no one has commented. Your kudo has already been sent...It's hysterical....And, as far as I can tell, pretty accurate.
I have no answers to some of your questions...I only know that I have 10 pair of those comfy crocs. (you know, those UGLY rubber shoes)..in 10 different colors...(two shades of lavender),,,AND, I need black and white.
Never saw or felt any women's boob scars...I suppose if I had been involved in that kind of surgery, myself, I might have had an interest as to what was gonna be done to me.
And, as far as penal implants are concerned....seeing one of those may very well be a part of my life one day...I'm not getting any older, but the men I date seem to be.?
If I'm the first to post on this funny piece of work, then I have to say that an awful lot of folks have missed some VERY funny stuff. On the other hand, maybe you've been away and not had a chance to accept the comments of others?
Fondly,
KK
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