I Never Wanted To Hurt You..... posted 10/11/2008 8:45:31 PM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse tagged: money, baseball, friends

Gary51hwd

Things just aren't what they used to be. For instance, there's nothing like the sound ya get when ya knock on some slackers door with a Louisville Slugger. Solid wood against solid wood. Thump, thump, thump. The only problem is, Sluggers are incredibly hard to find nowadays. Unless you have a used sports equipment store, like "Play It Again Sam" near your house, or like to troll the yard sales, you simply won't find one. Your Walmart, K Mart, and Target, stores all sell those newfangled metal bats. What's worse is, there are very few wooden doors anymore either, so ya end up with more of a clink, clink, clink.
In nine out of ten cases, simply knocking on the door with the bat will suffice. Funds that were previously unavailable will appear mysteriously and everyone gets to go back to business as usual. Every now and then ya get some Clint Eastwood type who comes to the door with a loaded gun, which may win him a brief postponement of the inevitable, but only makes the retribution that much more severe when ya catch with him, unawares, at a later date. A sort of com-pounded interest, hee hee.
At that point ya wait 'til he's exiting his favorite local watering hole, late one night, and pop up from behind a car or dumpster and serve up some accentuated justice, along with a friendly warning or two, and possibly collect in full, or at least a partial payment, on the spot. Then ya get your thump, thump, thumping sound, so sorely missed before.
Of course, none of this would be neccesary if they had only heeded repeated reminders and requests, very polite I might add, for payment of arrears. Some folk just don't want to honor their agreements and refuse to listen to logic until it's too late.
Slackers....
Ben Franklin had it right when he said "Neither a borrower or lender be". But old Ben had his own methods of debt collection that involved tieing and kite string with a key attached to your privates in a thunder storm. Messy and hard to achieve, but infinately more amusing to watch, from a distance.
Anyway, I'm on my way out now to a certain slackers house who owes me for a job I did for him. He's now two weeks late with his settle up, and he's lied to, double talked, and avoided me, for the last time. I'll take my metal friend, I like to call him Justin F. Case, just in freekin' case he tries to side step me one more time. But the guy has a metal door, and the clink, clink, clink, just won't have the same effect as the old thump.
No sir, things just aren't what they used to be....

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