----The Bridge we must cross over---- posted 10/19/2008 5:05:37 PM | 3 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: sadness, grief, loss, friendship, bridges

butterfly943

This is dedicated to a man named Scott A very special man I met in 2004 at MUSC of South Carolina when my world as I knew it would soon change in ways I had no answers for. I met Scott as we sat in the hospital ICU waiting on news that my brother Joe would pull through his illness get his liver transplant and spend the next part of his life free from drugs and excessive drinking that got him to this place he now was, but as you will see this wasn't going to happen, at least not with the only outcome we wanted. We needed for him to be well. As mom and me sat and waited for visits and prayer with Joe we knew deep down that he was leaving us, and soon we would have only his memories. That last night I spent with my brother was spent with me and his wife cross stitching and big bowls of popcorn and Pepsi watching movies and just being together. At one time before we started watching it was time to put little Joey to bed for he had school in the morning and its was getting late, so Dad and Joey heading for the quite time where my brother would just lay and talk but mostly listen to his son..I heard allot of mumbling had at one time yelled you guys need to get still and Joey needs to get to sleep..Little Joey said we cant yet were not done saying prayers yet..wow that was a big reality slap for me..so as I listened I heard my brother say Joey I might not get better but im gonna try real hard because every boy needs a Daddy I God was good enough to pick me to be yours..such sweet words..After awhile he finally let sleep work and we grownups could start the movies..we thought Joe was asleep but soon found out he wasn't when we girls started making comments on a good looking guy in the movie when Joe said You know I can hear everything your saying.. The next day after I went back home Annette called and said something was wrong ,Joe was acting strange..Mom and me jumped into the car driving as fast as possible to get to him I told her to call an ambulance she did but my brothers blood ammonia levels were very high -this happens as the liver cant clear the blood fast enough- causing an almost drunken state. He was taken to a nearby hospital the flown to MUSC in Charleston where he quickly became worse..The doctors were wonderful the transplant team did everything any human could..yet he was leaving..At this time between not enough food, way to much coffee, and little if any sleep we waited..Scott and his Father came in and I could see the pain and stress on their faces..Scott's Mother in her 70s had been airlifted from Georgia because they needed to stabilize her to preform open heart surgery on her..she was very ill..and over the next few days things went back and forth for both our family's..My Mom was 70 his Father was 75 and they never spoke much each with their own way of dealing with their pain. Scott and I talked allot we talked about his beautiful wife that told him if he wanted to marry her he better start getting on his knees and asking her Father to show him the true way to her heart..and he spoke often about his 2 little girls with such pride in his voice..one was a little tom boy that loved sports with all her heart the other such a girly girl..loved dresses and music..He shared with me the ways he rebelled against Gods plan for him and how because of the death of his best friend he became a youth minister and worked with mostly boys that were just like him..always the thrill seeker..always pushing whats right as far back as possible. But it helped many boys see that no one is perfect everyone makes mistakes its how we learn from them that matters. After another night of no sleep we settled down with the way to bright lights on and the night life of a hospital and uncomfortable chairs to curl up in..when I got up once again smothering from the closed up place that was seeming to become my home as always I would head down the elevator to go outside for air I really didn't care what time it was or how cold it was I just needed to breathe..and in the doorway he would stand watch over me without interrupting my privacy letting me cry from my soul..letting me get on my knees just one more time..and always making me feel safe. That night we were so very tired and needed sleep so together Scott and I set off to find our parents someplace to get some real sleep..we found a room with big leather chairs and 2 love seats and the special gift of 2 small blankets..wonderful..we got them into the Charleston room on the 10th floor where we told the nurse we would be so if needed we would be able to get phone calls..And we set about making his Dad and my Mom comfortable they looked so cute finally able to really stretch out and cover up and soon were fast asleep..When I woke in the morning Scott had placed his Dads blanket around me and was already gone I started remembering my dream..I had had a dream of Joe walking on a bridge on one side I stood on the other was the unknown I could only see my brothers back and as he would walk further away I would stop him and he would turn around and smile..not in a big toothy smile but with a soft smile that lit up his big beautiful brown eyes..yet I didn't want to let him go into the unknown. As we went back downstairs we were called into a room with all the doctors and nurses that were working on my brothers case..such wonderful, caring staff..And we were then told that they had come to an end and was nothing else they could do, I knew this time would come but I said I needed to think everyone was waiting on me to come up with answers I couldn't answer..did we do everything? will he suffer? was it going to be quick? how long would it be after life support was taken off? why do I have to make the decision? so as I left the room I said please give me a little time as I walked into the lobby my eyes met Scott's and without a word he knew and got up and asked if he could hug me.I nearly feel into his arms and felt his hand on my lower back near my spine and was over come with a peace and energy I haven't ever felt..we walked to the ever ready elevator and headed to my special bench and he asked if he could tell me a story of what he was thinking as he watched us deal with this..he said he believed Joe was in the middle of the Bridge of his life and we being humans and selfish also were trying to keep him with us for us and maybe not the best for him..he said Lynn you will know when you need to let go and help him decide if hes done all he can and just needs to rest..And I had my answers to my questions and why Scott was put at this place in time..for me..to guild me..to give me strength to answers my questions. And together we walked back to the ICU and as I held my brothers hand I told him that I wasn't gonna lie and say everything would be ok because it wasn't not for a very long time..my heart aches and pains every day for the last 4 years..but I can say he did his best he tried his hardest and im great full for knowing this. I

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Blogs by butterfly943: ~~~Lessons~~~Quotes~~~ ~~~~~~~~Regret~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~Anger~~~~~~ ~~~Greed~~~ ~~A MD Friend is in need of Prayers~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Its a Boy~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Faith~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Questions~~~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~Living Lake~~~~~~ ----------Lessons Taught and Me taking the time to learn---------- ---Stuff Rolling around in My Head--- ------Dream------ ----The Bridge we must cross over---- -------Life------- The Perfect Man The Life Within Journey of Life Unwanted---or Unable to care for Clearing my Mind in the--Rain-- The Question I ask myself is Why--only a Womans view Four Wheeling with my sweet Girls Poem------Footprints------ The Little Girl in the Thrift Shop Blond Men Joke Written For My Brother ( Joe ) by his Daughter