---Stuff Rolling around in My Head--- posted 10/20/2008 9:19:21 PM | 5 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: trusting, friends, holding, hands

butterfly943

I don't even know what I really want to write about except the things that get caught up in my head..I love reading Blogs and try to comment on as many as I can..yet I don't understand why some people write to me and say "btw my new blog is up so read it and make sure you leave a comment" well in most of those cases I did yet never got any response back saying if they even read what I wrote..Not to say but these people don't comment on mine nor many other Blogs either..so I started Not leaving any comments and seen the same thing..many of these Blogs asks questions..but do the people writing them really want the answers you have or just want the ones they already believe thats right for them..Im not sure its just my thinking..Its not that I think I deserve comments but it is nice to read what someone else thinks..Ok enough of that..moving on.. Now comes the part that is very hard for me..Trusting someone enough that when they reach out their hand I can trust enough to accept it.. This has been a thorn in my side for many many years dating back to a very confused and not so great childhood..when trusting became painful to me as a child..I don't like this about myself..I sure didn't ask for it but its part of what makes me the person I am today..I have forgave the one person I trusted that hurt me the most..My Father..I forgave him so I could get on with healing my life..he passed away many years ago but before he did he because very ill with cancer and wasn't able to care for himself..so I did and got to know and understand as much as I could why he was the way he was..he as a child was brought up to fear his Father a very sick and abusive man in many ways and when he was 13 he joined a circus and never went back until his Fathers death..I never met my Dads family maybe I'm not suppose to Im not really sure, But thats the only way he knew love so I cant fault him anymore.. Growing up I married at 17 way to young but always ready to be the best Mom I could be and to always let my daughters know that no matter what I love them unconditionally..I pray they always well believe this.. Yet distrust seems to follow me around like a big cloud and I don't know what to do to get out from under it..It has invaded me many times and it seems when I try I get pushed down and it gets harder to get back up..but as some people I'm a very hard headed woman stubborn at times to much for my own good..But I keep reaching for that special hand and its already there just waiting for me..Isnt it said ya cant keep a good woman down I hope I'm a good woman I want to be..I love to run in the rain, dance to music, lay in a swing looking at the beautiful clouds, play with the many pets I have, chase Butterfly's, Im great full for the days im given and the many blessings ive had..laughter is a must in my life it keeps me going when the times get hard...I read another Blog today speaking what being down to earth is..what it means..I believe it means being just who you are..the best person you can be..It means if the hand is held out for you maybe you need to grab hold of it..And I hope my turn will come when I can reach out My hand and someone trusts me enough to take hold ...So am I ready for love, marriage, togetherness I dont know the test I took said I was But I still have a whole lot of work to be done..Am I ready for friendship always..its been such a gift here on MD getting to know people just they way they are ..Am I ready to trust..really trust lord I hope so.. I believe I am..and should you read mt stuff rolling around in this head of mine..I hope you might understand me just a little better..I am me a woman/girl all in one..that loves life, laughter, rain, butterflys, walking, talking, listening,..and strong hands

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

Blogs by butterfly943: ~~~~**Forgetting**~~~~ ~~~*The Moon*~~~ ~~~Lessons~~~Quotes~~~ ~~~~~~~~Regret~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~Anger~~~~~~ ~~~Greed~~~ ~~A MD Friend is in need of Prayers~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Its a Boy~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Faith~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Questions~~~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~Living Lake~~~~~~ ----------Lessons Taught and Me taking the time to learn---------- ---Stuff Rolling around in My Head--- ------Dream------ ----The Bridge we must cross over---- -------Life------- The Perfect Man The Life Within Journey of Life Unwanted---or Unable to care for Clearing my Mind in the--Rain-- The Question I ask myself is Why--only a Womans view Four Wheeling with my sweet Girls Poem------Footprints------ The Little Girl in the Thrift Shop