I've responded to one note, and then decided to write, and then when I'm finished with this, then I'll respond to the rest of 'em.!
Yeah, So, Anyway...
Phillip is gone upstairs to bring Samantha a movie that she asked him to bring up to her last night.! So, His Mother woke him today long enough to tell him that Samantha wanted a movie from him, and he acknowledged that and said, "Yeah," and then he went back to sleep for another little bit.!
So, he's gone up there now. (He usually tends to stay up there for a bit, to smoke a cigarette with Mary and have a glass of Pop with her. So, his bit extended visit there is usually expected by me.) He should be home soon.
Not sure where Frances and Brian went. They were here before we got up...and then...when we got up then they weren't here. (I don't know...maybe it had something to do with them either going to look at the house again, or something they had to drop off...not sure.! I didn't hear the details of today's goings on very clearly when they talked about it.) "Shrugs shoulders."
Yep. Four more days until they're out of here.! However...it seems that, on Wednesdays, we're gonna be spending those nights there, so that Brian can drive us straight to Darts from there, rather then having Dad drive me all the way out there, and end up having it take a toll on his gas. So...however that's gonna be worked out now, I don't know.! I feel kinda weary about it, but what can I do? (I know that I always hope for something to change, but that's just because I'm not sure how I feel about it.! With feeling weary and mixed and that.! So Yeah.
We're supposed to be going to the cabin tomorrow for the day.! (I again overheard Frances mentioned that earlier today while we were still in bed, and I heard her talking to Brian about it.!) I think she asked him to check something about it with Mom, and then whateve else.!) So Yeah. Me trying to get another entry in before we go and do that tomorrow.! (I always lately find myself keeping track of when NoJoMo is, and being thankful that I won't have missed out on it, when we do go to the cabin tomorrow.! Because, I don't want to miss any of those entries.! Because, I didn't miss a day last year, and I'd feel really bad if I did this year.!) I also have NanoWrimo to think about too.! So, I have both those to keep up with this year.! I'll have to write my NoJoMo Entry first, and then deal with NanoWrimo and the things that I want to write for that, after that.! I'm just trying to get myself organized here, right.! I'm just trying to get it all organized.! Sigh.! Okay, my little deep breath there.! Lol.
I might drop an idea to the Host of NoJoMo.!
I might suggest to Her that...we all each write an entry, containing really funny things, and when whoever reads it then we sort of have a contest of who can make eachother laugh the hardest.! (You want to know who Inspired that idea for me?! One of my Faves Monique!) :) Because, almost everytime I go read one of he entries, there's almost always something in it that can make me laugh.! And, if I had to nominate someone, (an OD disrist) for it then I'd nominate Her.! :) Lol. She just cracks me right up.! I love it.!
Anyway...
I did some more thinking when I was in bed today, before I got up.!
And...I know that, (in my mind, and the back of my mind), I know that I'm working on having a child, but...I know that I've been and still am working on the issues with myself and I've realized that I still have alot of nervousness in me.! And, I don't want my child, (or children, depending on which way my uterus decides to go about it, considering that I have a split uterus, so I could either conceive a single child or twins), anyway,...I don't our single child, or our twin children to pick up on any nervous behavior of mine! I just realize more and more how I was raised, and the environment in which I was raised...and, I know how that feels,...and I just don't want my children to experience that, and be nervous all the time! I want to be able to do something about it, before we Do have children! And...I'm still not exactly sure how to go about that and accomplish that! I still have to figure out exactly how I can go about having my own moods, without having them effect our children negatively! Like, without having our children pick up on them and sense them! And then, internalize it upon themselves, as being "bad" or whatever! Or, "not good enough!" I just don't want them to experience what I did! Because it would break my heart to have that happen to them and knowing that I'm responsible for their Self-Image and how they "perceive" themselves! I just don't want them to think or feel badly about themselves! Sigh.! What a daunting task this can be!
Last night...I was thinking that...rather then letting off any negative moods around them, then I can save that for my diary and let off all my steam and negative emotions in here where it won't negatively effect them,...and then if they want to read it when they're older...well...I guess that's up to them! I just don't want them to detect any negativity between their Father and I!
Sigh.!
Anyway...
Phillip is home now. And we're just watching tv and all that stuff.
So yeah...There are my thoughts and feelings about things for today, for now.!
So...Till I Write Again.!
Shannon
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