A forum post asked everyone what they had on their bucket list. I realized my comment was too long, so I put it here.
A bucket list, things to do before I die,,,,,
as the event grows closer every day, I have found that things that used to be on the list, such as world travel to places where they are not shooting at me, meeting celebraties and such,,,, seem to fail in compairison to the things that are rooted in home and family.
I want to see my kids graduate.
I want to sell this place and build my dream house.
I want to watch the sun come up over the ocean, and not have it signal that it's time to go to work, or worse, that it's time to quit working.
I want to dance with my daughter, at her wedding.
Alas, the wants are many, but the list is getting shorter. However, time slips by faster and faster.
You will not find true love, or location of a soul mate on my bucket list. I think I have truely lost the ability to love anyone except my kids. I've flirted with it a time or two, but,,,, I just can't seem to open my heart to anyone. The scars of time and events have left it less than flexible, and hardened to the world.
I guess if I could locate the magic falling star, my biggest wishes on my bucket list would be,,,,, to loose the contempt and anger I feel toward the world, and to find the faith that my grandmother carried with her. I think the two are linked together, in that it takes one to find the other,,,, but neither will come first without the other. THe Catch 22 of a person who is at their end.
The end of paitenance, the end of understanding, the end of everything touted as human. As my body fails, so does my last anchorage to humanity, and obvious sanity.
Self distruction to a fault seems to be a redundant statement, but there are times when the clarity of such a simple statement, cuts through the haze of my mind.
I grow weary of the game. I tire at the thought of picking up the yoke once again. I even wear myself down with the internal speak surrounding obviously futile attempts to rise above the defication surrounding me.
This week, the celebration of the harvest almost got past without me knowing. I almost missed it,,,, the pain, the memories, the images of the loss of a loved one in a violent fashion. You never forget the first,,,,,, and after you have done it enough, at some point they have to be unique or noteworthy just to be remembered at all. That is the true loss of humanity and sanity, but that's for another blog,,,, when the bottle has more liquid than air in it.
For now, I toast your list,,,,, may you find more than an empty bottle and bucket of regrets when you get to the next journey.
At this point, a new bottle is the pressing issue on the list,,,,,,
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lazareth
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Oct 29 @ 7:40PM
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awww bard.....
I hope you haven't given up on finding your true love.
I too felt at one point that finding the right one was never going to happen...and I had built up such a wall that I really felt like I didn't want it to happen.. so I just stopped focusing on THAT...
So when I met my husband in a yahoo gardening chat room for a while I pretty much tried to ignored him once I figured out he was getting a little interested in me
Plus the fact that he lived 1000 miles away ..
but after a lot of soul searching and realizing what an honorable man he is I let my guard down.
My bucket list?..... not so grandios as some have listed...
, see my son graduate from college and be successful in what ever he decides he wants to do. I would love to live at the beach as the ocean rejuvinates me spiritually....
Other that that..... 
I don't ask much
I have been where you are...... and it doesn't need to be written in stone
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luvshorses644
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Oct 29 @ 8:43PM
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I think your bucket list is sound and contains things that matter to you as a man with a family and people you love.
My bucket list is not long at all, either, and like you I don't finding true love or a soul mate.. I would be ecstatic with finding one genuine soul that enjoys laughing with me at corny sitcoms, slow dancing and horse back riding.
I believe I may have had the anger and contempt you speak of, no, I know I did. I thought of how events in my life had left me bitter and the anger feed off that memory. Each of us come to our own point of putting that anger aside and allowing the faith that we may have been given a sprinkling of when we were young to find a patch to root again. You will find it if you don't allow the stress and complications of life weigh you down to the point of looking for an escape.
Having lost a brother to a disease that he could have controlled (diabetes and athersclerosis and heart problems) I understand about how the rage and anger blind you to the faith and hope. But I also know that no amount of words and caring by any other individual can make one feeling this way change.. the change must come from within.
I would wish you enough time to see those very humble and attainable items on your bucket list. Perhaps if one or more of them are attained, your faith will return and the anger will subside.
Only good wishes.. only good wishes to you.
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ladyvampire
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Nov 25 @ 10:12AM
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My Bucket List consist of the following:
1. Since I have given up on finding the right guy, (Because the one I thought was the right guy turned out to be anything but) Just enjoying life as it comes, with no expectations of anyone.
2. Watching my children become more and more successful in their chosen fields and as parents themselves.
3. Quit giving so much.
4. And finally - to be as wild and crazy as I was when I was a teenager... he he
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