Ok, here goes a blog, on what I'm currently learning. Mostly bits and snippits, but worth a good cry and, perhaps, good lovin, too. 
I notice that, as it became clear that my dogs behavior was NOT an asset to my life (pets, I think, SHOULD be assets, or one should not have them, IMHO), his behavior, inevitably, was NOT reflection on my ownership or care OF HIM. His getting into my garbage or tearing up my leather flat shoes WAS NOT about HIS HATING ME: Shoes are shoes and trash is trash and that is what bored and frustrated dogs DO. 
Let it go, Gwen...and pass him on, to someone he can have a better existence with. 
The deaths of loved ones that I've endured in the last 2 years-along with the deaths of loved ones of some of the folks on my Friends List: Again, NOT a personal attack, on me or my friends. Certainly, NOT FAIR, of course, UNEXPECTED and STUNNINGLY isolating and hurtful. Life, though, is fragile; I am appreciative,now, for those who shared their lives with me. 
I know the ache in my heart is a reflection of the part of themselves, LEFT IN ME, by them, OF THEM. It may be all I have, but IT IS something, and, for now, anyway, MUST BE ENOUGH. 
(This next bit, I've been given permission to share; therefore, NO INDISCRETION is occuring here, ok?)
Amidst doctor hopping yesterday, I also got THE MOST UNEXPECTED CALL, OF MY SINGLE YEARS: It seems that a man that I've communicated with, online and by phone, for 5 years (he works on a military contract, of sorts, and it's tough for him, to get time off) was YET AGAIN, seeking me out.
He told me that I happen to be HIS "One". 
I now know what it's like, to be on the other end of this. Like myself, the man DOES NOT WANT or WISH, to interfere in MY life, and, in fact, expressed fears that he would damage me, or would suffer feelings of insecurity, in coming face to face. Still, he aches for me, and wanted to me to know that he feels for and experiences me the way he does. 
I don't like that, very much; It DID, however, serve as the stimulus, to make me WALK BACK INTO LIFE, again. 
Honestly.......Before I got his call, and with all the drama and trauma in my life?
I was READY AND INTENDING, to stop dating, going to church, stop talking to ANYONE AT ALL. 
I even went so far, as to call a minister, another ministers wife and my therapist, and ask for permission to KILL MYSELF, so I would END MY BURDENING those I care so much about. 
Finding out I'm someone elses "The One" was enough to make me believe and give me hope that, JUST MAYBE I have worthwhile things to share. 
And so, here I am.
Back, hard at work on my book of devotions...
Back, hoping for a date and activity partner......
Back, going to church and making hats and scarves for the local mens shelter.
My burned leg may have delayed surgery, and tomorrow, I may find out I'll have to have spinal surgery; Nonetheless, my HEART and SPIRIT and SOUL are here, and intact. 
Deal with it; it's NOT personal.
I've decided to KEEP LIVING. 
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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| LESSONS: When Tragedy and Tough Times Simply AREN'T Personal |
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