Hi everyone, I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Bridie, originally of Geneva, Switzerland, currently of Pitsea, Essex. Mum never married either of my Dads so my birth certificate says “Bridie Shelley-Frankenstein-Pretorius“. I’m sure you’ll agree this is a bit of a mouthful for anyone, let alone someone who can’t speak. I learned sign language, which is useless really unless you happen to live in a deaf community. Daddy dearest sent me to an exclusive deaf school so I could actually converse with people, but they fell asleep before I’d even introduced myself, so I’ve been Bridie Frankenstein ever since.
Not being able to speak is kind of annoying really, especially as I can hardly argue if someone calls me dumb, because technically they’re correct! I guess I can‘t blame my Daddies though, how were they to know the lightening would bring me to life before they were really ready. You got to feel sorry for them really, they meant well, bless them! I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of men out there who might find the idea of being married to a woman who can’t speak rather appealing. Well, reading some of the blogs and profiles on this site, I reckon I’m in with a pretty good chance of finding a new hubby! Think about it guys, you’ll never have to tell me to shut up…. And I never put my foot in it by saying something stupid or insensitive.
My ex was prone to putting his foot in it on many an occasion. This, of course, was mainly due to the massive size of his feet. I never did understand why Daddy One insisted on the big feet, I think it might have had something to do with balancing out that enormous meat head so he didn’t keep falling over. Yes, having the same Dad kind of made our relationship a bit weird, but they say it’s always best to keep incest in the family. Not that it ever took place, given that Daddy’s genius didn’t extend to making the parts work that other geniuses couldn’t reach. I have to say it was something of a relief. It was bad enough having to marry my unutterably ugly brother, it would have added insult to injury to have had to sleep with him as well. We did “sleep” together in the sense of sharing a freak-size bed and I don’t mind telling you it wasn’t a pleasant experience.
Not a lot of people know this but Frank wore false teeth he’d stolen from a bold vampire who’d dared to attack him one night. The problem was he had to take them out every night before it got dark or they took on a life of their own. They’d crawl out of his mouth when he opened it to snore and fasten themselves to my neck. Dad got pretty sick of having to keep giving me blood transfusions and insisted he take them out and lock them in a cage overnight. I’m not sure what was worse, the blood sucking, the noise of Frank’s lips flapping against his gums when he snored or being woken up by chattering teeth next to the bed every night. Either way, I got no sleep! What with all that and breaking my hair several times a day falling over his oversized shoes which he left lying around everywhere, I'd had enough.
So I filed for divorce and threw Frankie and his decorative neck bolts out. I mean, I don’t mind piercings, but everyone has their limitations. Now I’m here on Snatchdoctor, hoping to meet my kind of guy. Like I say in my profile, I’m looking for someone who’ll charge me up and blow my stockings off. Well, they do say every woman’s really looking for someone just like her Daddy!
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