on a hot day.......
that's an old saying out here, and probably pretty much everywhere there are cow chips. It is easy to figure out, because it is truth in it's purest form.
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
All this time I thought it was some exotic cat of one sort or another that lived in a faraway place.
These "facts" always seem to be changing every time I turn around, which I don't do a lot because it makes me dizzy.
But for instance: When a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?
I always wondered about that, but could never make a cow laugh hard enough.
I am sure they do laugh when I am not looking, cause I always catch them smiling. And chewing gum.
Who gives their cows gum anyway? 
These things are just questions I have on my mind at times.
I have others too....
Like....I remember my Mom always cooked yummy things using real butter. For years and years, even before I came along I am sure. So did my grandmother.
But then came along some people wearing impressive white coats who proclaimed that real butter was bad for you, and that they had a substitute that would fix that problem. Something called margarine. That seemed a bit weird to me. But Mom changed her ways, for our sakes I am sure, and those yummy things didn't really feel or taste the same, but we were being healthy, and that was good.
It wasn't long after that these same folks announced they were mistaken about margarine, that it was doing something bad to us but they weren't sure what exactly. They explained in great scientific detail using big words and stuff, that their new "butter" which looked like real butter, and spread on your toast easier than real butter, and smelled like real butter mixed with motor oil, but didn't taste like real butter at all, was of course, much better for us than real butter or margarine.
I remember some very pretty boy guy with puffy white sleeves on his shirt and a funny accent who seemed to live on an island full of swimming pools and pretty young girls used to tell us how much he enjoyed spreading his butter on his buns and wanted to spread some on ours too. Luckily, my Mom didn't believe him, but I think a lot of Moms did. I liked the bikini girls a lot, but not that stuff he wanted us to eat.
Then those same pesky people who know everything said, once again, that maybe this wasn't a good idea either. They came up with yet another creation that was as close as you could get to real butter. And the now the newest stuff doesn't melt when you put it in a hot pan. It reminded me of play dough. That was kinda weird to me too. It just sort of burned.
Those folks didn't give up trying to keep us healthy. They kept experimenting with all their erector sets and home chemical plant sets. I got one of those for Christmas once, but I never tried to make butter. But they kept worrying about us, bless their pea picking little hearts.
Don't even get me started on the milk thing.....
There was the thing about Coke and Pepsi and pop in general making everyone fat sugar freaks or what ever. So ( those same folks that didn't like butter) they took the sugar out of the pop, and put in something that didn't make you fat, but didn't taste the same either. But if you drank it enough, you forgot what sugar tasted like, and you got tumors instead. This was not making any sense to me.
Meanwhile.....these highly educated looking people who were trying so hard to keep us all healthy and looking out for our best interests, applied their skills to the Beer industry. They took out the Bad Parts which the world has been drinking for 5,000 years, and put in stuff that was better for us. And the beer was the wrong colour. And tasted like fuzzy water.
At least they left the alcohol in. Well...in most of it. They even made some beer with no alcohol ....Is that still beer?
I don't think so. But I don't know what it is either. Very strange, all around.
And now this is still going on, and I really do appreciate their concern for us. It is getting rather difficult to tell what is real and what isn't. Last week I noticed my girlfriends boobage for the first time. I didn't say anything though. But they didn't seem the same as they did the week before. Not that I looked at em all that much.
I think I have come to realize that all these "scientists" have come from the same schools as the "engineers" who design the Walmart parking lots.I hope our next President didn't come from that school. It really is getting harder to tell what is real.
But...in the end.....I still like cows. The cow is a great machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. They seem very friendly, what with those big brown eyes and all.
As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than those chemists.
All these years, I never really let go of my real butter. And when I have a pop, (which is very very seldom, due to all the real beer I drink), I drink real pop. Just not a lot of it. Everything in moderation.
I no longer have the same girlfriend either. Barbie has moved on to greener pastures.
So...the next time you have a grilled cheese snadwich, with a cold beer, a glass of cold milk, or a pop....... and some of those strange baked not fried potato chips that are EXACTLY all the same shape and size, stacked in a can.....remember.
All is not butter that comes from the cow.
Stay Tuned
I Do
Tunes
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by Tunes4u:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| +Never Kick a Cow Chip........ |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
IamTrinity
|
Nov 6 @ 3:14PM
|
|
Sounds like a bit from Andy Rooney. 
|
|
misschief
|
Nov 6 @ 3:15PM
|
|
I don't know why they keep making milk cows, it beats me.
What's wrong with beer or red wine, at least that way,
you wouldn't have to worry about the butter.
BTW what's a cow chip?
|
|
jayej
|
Nov 6 @ 3:29PM
|
|
|
There was the thing about Coke and Pepsi and pop in general making everyone fat sugar freaks or what ever
I know they did not want us to be sugar freaks so they repalced sugar with High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS)....those guys are always thinking.
Then because of that butter/margerine thing, they started putting the HFCS in bread too, just to make it a pretty brown color, like the butter used to do.
Then that HFCS thing they kind of snuck in a little change to our corn plants....it makes so much more of that HFCS now. Used to be the Indians lived on it, but by golly it wouldn't do much for them today.
|
|
Kirkish
|
Nov 6 @ 3:40PM
|
|
I never liked margarine, anyways.
I happily use butter now. Salted or unsalted. 
Darnit, I'm drinking a coke right now. Would it help to pour some bourbon in it?
|
|
jamminjerry
|
Nov 6 @ 3:46PM
|
|
now you know there is a definite difference between a chip and a patty. we be jammin 
|
|
debbz32
|
Nov 6 @ 5:13PM
|
|
|
You had me at kick a cow chip ewwwwwwwwwww
|
|
alivenwell351
|
Nov 6 @ 5:16PM
|
|
|
They even made some beer with no alcohol ....Is that still beer?
I think that's for people who just like to pee all the time....
Niche marketing at it's best!!!
|
|
redtigr
|
Nov 6 @ 6:56PM
|
|
...something in the way she moos...
My doc says I hafta eat that SmartBalance stuff now... and I don't complain because it's actually quite good...
but I miss the way butter clings to green beans - and how pretty it looks when that little pat is melting on those pancakes I'm not supposed to have either.
So - it's cottage cheese for me... but I love cows. I love cows even if they just stand there.
Moo.
~*~
|
|
missliss78
|
Nov 6 @ 7:07PM
|
|
^^^^^  Gawd I love that woman!
Loved this blog, too, tunes!~*~
Everything in moderation.
|
|
Peabianjay
|
Nov 6 @ 7:45PM
|
|
Awesome blog!
|
|
lazareth
|
Nov 6 @ 7:46PM
|
|
I'm surrounded by cows (and corn).... I love cows, except when I'm down wind ...I love butter.... except the unsalted... bleh  , bought some by accident, so just took the salt shaker to it 
Cow chips? Shoot.... when we got bored as kids ( and smart kids NEVER tell their parents they are bored) we would go out to the fields and have a cow chip fight and just hope they were "done" Bigger is NOT always better 
and it's funny to watch a cow chip when shot with a CAR .15.... they kinda jump up, then explode
And milk? I haven't had a glass of milk in 40 years.... (nasty stuff) ... When I was still in elementary school, paid my nickle ( yes, a NICKLE) to get my milk for lunch, took a big old gulp and promptly spewed it everywhere.... clabbered milk...
can't even stand the smell of the stuff now...
ahhh, the memories
|
|
jentoblues101
|
Nov 6 @ 9:33PM
|
|
...and eggs, don't forget the egg scare. I didn't believe them about butter or eggs or fake sugar. How could chemicals be better (butter) for us than what is created by nature?
|
|
Borty
|
Nov 7 @ 1:09AM
|
|
|
I ate a cow once...
|
|
funisnumber1
|
Nov 11 @ 5:04PM
|
|
When I was little we were forced to spend summers on my Grandmother's farm in Louisiana. So, kicking a cow chip on a hot day? Well it was the ONLY thing that helped when running barefoot across the huge pastures chasing the cattle! We'd fight over the fresh ones so that we wouldn't burn our feet. You just lived for a cool cow pie to stand on till you ran to the next one.
I know. Gross. Ewwww. Felt good tho. Hey I was 5. Get over it.
I'm just sayin.....don't look cow gifts in the mouth AT ALL if it can be helped. And keep the garden hose ready.
|
|
EternalFlame
|
Nov 11 @ 5:38PM
|
|
Here's one for ya.
Open a tub of margarine. Leave it open on the counter....just let it sit. And you watch...not a single insect will land in it. You'll never find a dead fly in your open margarine. Why? Because it's one stinkin molecule away from being PLASTIC. Give me real butter anyday!!
They even made some beer with no alcohol ....Is that still beer?
No, but it's Near Beer
I made a carrot cake from scratch the other day. REAL sugar. REAL butter. REAL vanilla. And it was REAL good
|
|
|