Where's a cop when you need one?
It seems the cops here are too busy collecting overtime pay while they guard the grocery store. Maybe traffic detail is too petty for them to do anymore. Well... I for one am sick of the bad drivers around here and all the stupid (and dangerous) tricks they have been pulling... and getting away with.
Someone needs to step-in and make some changes.That's right. Make me a special duty traffic cop. I'll drive around in an unmarked police cruiser with built-in cameras and magnetic blue lights that I can stick to the roof of the car when I force people to pull over.
Some corners are notorious for traffic violations. The law allows a right turn on red AFTER A FULL STOP. I know a few intersections I could stand at and pull cars over just as fast as I could write tickets.
Actually, It's time to institute computerized traffic tickets. Time for a technology upgrade. I type in the license plate number and out pops a ticket with the time, date and location (via GPS) No more scribbling on a booklet with NCR paper (remember to PRESS HARD, you are making 4 copies) Yes, the camera is rolling so I have proof. Wanna see a replay?
What's a moving violation going for nowadays? $75 $100 ?? I'll work for a 5% commission for all the tickets I can write.
Forget that old system of appearing in court to fight it. The camera saw everything. Yes, everything. The video is online with your ticket number as proof. We don't need no judge and your 'ticket clinic' attorney to show up... Just send-da-money. You wanna dispute it? Not today. Just watch the video to see you making a U-Turn at a RED LIGHT. Yes, you... not your cousin Wilbur who borrowed your car that afternoon. That's YOUR MUG caught on camera.
I could do it. Really I could... what a gig. Let's see... a $75 ticket at least every 5 minutes is (60 divided by 5 times 75 times point zero 5...) $45 an hour. NO SEATBELT? Chick-ching... that's another $75... Auto tag propped between your rear window and center brake light? Chick-ching... that's ANOTHER $75. No rearview mirrors? Chick-ching. Bald tires? Chick-ching... smoke pouring out of your exhaust? Chick-ching...
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM... oh, you think the entire neighborhood needs to hear your auto sound system? Chick-ching... that's $75... and the next time you come back to annoy people, it's double.
The left turn arrow goes off. It's now oncoming traffic who has the right-of-way, yet a steady stream of cars push their way through the intersection making illegal left turns... One fell swoop.. 5 cars. 75 bucks each. Chick-ching. Trying to escape me? I've got that high-velocity neon paint ball gun... POOF ! Your car is marked. I'll just call ahead and ring up $150 for running away.
It looks like something is wrong with your left ear. It seems a cellphone is growing out of it. For $20 you could be legal with an earphone and driving 'hands-free' Chick-ching... tell your friend this call while driving just cost you $75.
Oh yes... blue high-intensity headlights complete with fog lights? Every pickup truck owner needs these especially when you have raised suspension and dooley-axle rear tires... except in the city when you're tailgating other drivers and weaving in and out of traffic. Chick-ching... that will drop that big ego down a few notches.
With the holidays coming up, I'm sure more drivers will be 'leaving their brains home' and get totally distracted with a car full of kids and toys coming home from the mall. "Lady, in this country RIGHT TURN ONLY, means just that... I'll be willing to bet that question was on your driver's test (50 years ago when you took it) and the laws haven't changed since then. Chick-ching...
You're not walking with a limp and you don't have a handicap parking sticker... Chick-ching... $250 big time !
Yield means just that... it doesn't mean 'go at all times' Chick-ching...
This is great... what a job, I'm sure I'll make enough money to pay-off that full armor bullet proof body suit in the first month ~
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| Deputize me. I'll work for commission... |
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Peabianjay
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Nov 7 @ 9:13PM
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I like it!
A couple of thoughts:
Time for a technology upgrade. I type in the license plate.
Technology is already past that. Police here have scanners that read the plate. (If you're bored, make your own....it's not hard.) The police car knows who it's chasing before the driver does.
Forget that old system of appearing in court to fight it.
Driving (in most jurisdictions) is a privalege, not a right. So the whole "innocent until proven guilty" bit is irrelevant. I'd suggest the only valid defence would be, "I quit. Here's my driver's licence (in lieu of paying fine.)"
Increasing the number of "half cops" is a great idea. "Half" as in "partial responsibilties and partial pay". It would allow for a large increase in social supervision, increased safety & security, and higher profits for the government, as well.
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daisy315
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Nov 7 @ 9:25PM
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personally, I would rather see you in a pair of bicycle shorts Chat..
we had red light cameras here in NC a few years ago.. the money collected was supposed to go for schools and after school programs. after being used for a year or so, they were deemed unconstitutional.. when the state went looking for their monies that were collected during that time.. they were told they had no right to it all.. come to find out, the state had used alot of those funds for other things.. the school system has sued to recover those funds.
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Kirkish
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Nov 7 @ 9:39PM
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They've just ruled that the cams have to go here, too.
And we need 'em, people blow the red lights quite a few seconds after they've changed.
People die...
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lazareth
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Nov 7 @ 9:56PM
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hey Stud Muffin.... ..... I just love a man in uniform.....
damn.... what a visual 
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chatillion
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Nov 7 @ 9:56PM
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Peabianjay said:
Technology is already past that.
That's interesting. Scanning tags with OCR... I know the toll booth cameras do this. I didn't know cops were also using the same technology.
One of the guys from the woodshop got a speeding ticket 2 weeks ago. It was handwritten, no different than they have been doing for 60+ years.
Around here they have 'half cops' called Public Service officers. Usually, they show up for car accidents to write up the forms, especially when no injuries are reported or to follow up on stolen vehicle reports.
If someone really worked on a commission basis, I think it would be a win-win situation and not a financial burden to the police force.
daisy315 said:
personally, I would rather see you in a pair of bicycle shorts Chat..
Uhhh... let's no go there... 
From the citizen side of things, I wouldn't favor the unmanned cameras. Too many mistakes. Once, I had a $150 fine mailed to me by the Highway Patrol. The toll booths here have transponders that deduct tolls from prepaid accounts. Well, there was a glitch and the system didn't read my transponder... they were smart enough to know my car from the tag photo but not smart enough to reference it to my account. Almost like 'guilty until proven innocent'
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