RONNIE
Throughout Catholic grade school we were the best of friends. We were practically inseparable. Sleepovers were the best.
Public junior high brought a much bigger school. We somewhat strayed away from each other as we explored our new world.
By high school Dee and I were as close as ever. She got her license and wheels first so I rode to school with her each day. Then came boys…… And we wanted the same one. Oh how hard she worked to get his attention!
Ronnie was the adorable hunk the girls dreamed of going out with. He was a top Black Belt which also gave him that Bad Boy attractiveness. In no time we were mutually, playfully, flirting, seeking out opportunities to see each other for even a precious few seconds. The site of one always lit the others' face up, bringing a giddy smile that sparkled the eyes. …..
It was a beautiful night for our foreign exchange club's progressive dinner. My mom dropped me off at the first house, after which I was to ride in the designated van. The van was going slow so I rode with a friend a couple of times. Towards the end of the progression Ronnie caught up with me and asked me to ride with him. I could hardly contain my excitement as I climbed into his car. We completed the dinner together, then he offered to take me home. I was floating on a cloud. The evening had turned into somewhat of a first date.
Once at my house he pulled up under the huge old ash tree, only faintly lit by the subtle glow of the near by gas light. We talked, snuggled, kissed and gazed into each others' eyes, all the while he was a perfect gentleman. the night was still young so we enjoyed a generous amount of quality time together. Midnight approached and I had to call it a night. It was a most beautiful night, one that ended with a the long-awaited "date" with Ronnie.
I floated through the next week on a cloud. Our flirting and playfulness increased. I couldn't wait for another date, an official date.
Dee continued to try to draw his attention. She talked constantly about how she was going to have him. I kept quiet as I savored what I knew I had.
As I got home from school on Wednesday and walked through the door my mom gave her narcissistic command "Don't you dare make any plans for the weekend. You're helping me clean house." And she meant it. The consequences of arguing the point would have been unbearable.
Thursday evening came and the phone rang. I grabbed it in hopeful anticipation. Yes! It was Ronnie. We talked for awhile and had a great conversation. Then he asked me for a date that weekend. Darn! I had to tell him that I really, really wanted to, but I couldn't that particular weekend as my mom had made it clear that I had to stay home all weekend and help her. He was very understanding and said that we would try another weekend.
Things were still going well the next week. Then one day, LW from my French class, and also Ronnie's best friend, came by my house. He wanted to ask me out in person, which greatly impressed my parents. I was 16, had not been out on any "official" dates yet, and my mom kept criticizing me for it, making me feel like something was wrong with me because I hadn't gone out on any dates yet (She certainly wasn't making it easy!). And she had forbidden me to get serious about any 'one' boy while I was in high school, said I needed to 'date around.' So I agreed to go out with him. We had a good time, but it just wasn't the same as with Ronnie.
From then on Ronnie still talked to me a lot, and we always shared a knowing, longing smile when our eyes met, but the flirting greatly slowed. And he never asked me out again. LW began asking me out on a regular basis. Sometimes he showed up, sometimes he didn't. And Dee appeared to be going out with Ronnie. Ronnie got out of school early each day now, and Dee began cutting classes. LW told me that she was seeing Ronnie, hanging out with him, and they were becoming inseparable. I was crushed. My best friend had finally gotten the one I wanted.
My mom asked me one day, "What happened to you and Ronnie? You were head-over-heals over him and talked about nothing else?" I said that he was still the one that I really, really wanted. I told her that he had asked me out, but that she had told me that I had to stay home that weekend to clean house. She said, "Well, I would have let you go." Ugh! That is how a narcissist works. She wouldn't have let me go. She would have made a huge dramatic scene if I had asked and punished me for asking after she had forbidden me to make weekend plans. But a narcissist cannot take the blame for anything, so they make statements like that to make all the blame fall on the victim instead of themselves.
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tentfire
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Nov 11 @ 7:07PM
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Prom time came. I had still hoped that Ronnie would ask me but figured he would be going with Dee and LW would be taking me. As Prom night approached, neither asked me! I still got to go as I was on the prom committee, but I, like every girl, wanted a date for the prom. I don't remember who Ronnie came with, I didn't know her, but LW came with Dee's best friend! Turned out some of those times he didn't show up for our dates, he was out with her. Sometimes he went out with both of us in the same day! Our Prom theme was "Knights of the Round Table" so those of us on the Committee were dressed in the period's attire. Ronnie asked me what I was suppose to be. I coldly said, "A Lady in
Waiting." I didn't expect the reaction I got. He was speechless for a moment, sincerely apologized, then sadly walked away. He, too, had expected me to be going with LW.
The school year ended, Ronnie and LW graduated and went their way, while the rest of us stayed to finish our upcoming Senior year. LW had signed my yearbook "Your Friend" while Ronnie signed it "With Love." The following summer LW and I began dating again, more seriously. LW talked of marriage, but I kept holding on to hope that eventually Ronnie would come back. We went on to college, dated on weekends and wrote letters. Things became rocky and I wanted to break it off, but I soon learned that I was pregnant.
My mom went into a rage, giving me the verbal beating of my life. This honor student had brought shame upon the house and I was now a disgrace to the family, according to her. My dad was wheel chair bound from a serious stoke. She told me that I had upset him so badly that he might have another stroke and if he did and died, it would be my fault. That killed me. (Little did I know, until much later, that he really wasn't that upset. She had just said that to get her way) She insisted that I get married immediately, before I 'showed', to try to keep from embarrassing the family any further (She meant her). After a two-week whirlwind I found myself married.
LW came home one day and said that Ronnie had gotten into some trouble. He had been jumped by several guys, fought them all off hurting some of them pretty badly, and didn't stop in the middle of the fight to make the statement "My hands are legal registered weapons." He was given a choice, serve time in prison or serve our country. He chose to serve our country. Larry was still keeping in touch with his best friend and still talking about Ronnie and Dee like they were a couple.
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tentfire
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Nov 11 @ 7:07PM
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When my first child was about a year old, Ronnie came by to visit before he went overseas. As our eyes met, there was that unmistakable longing look again. We all visited, then LW had to go outside for a cigarette. The room grew awkwardly silent. Ronnie looked down, shuffled his feet a little, rubbed his chin, then looked up at me and said, "I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place." With a confused look I asked, "Why?" He replied, "I wanted to date you so bad. I wanted you more than anything." In total shock I exclaimed, "Ronnie, YOU were the one I wanted! Why didn't you ever ask me out again?" He explained that he and LW had made this agreement that which ever one of use got me to go out with them first was the one that got to date me, the other would back off. He said, "It was wrong, so wrong. And I am so sorry I did it. I never should have. I just didn't want to move in on my best friend's girl." I was so confused. I asked, "But what about Dee? You guys were dating so seriously you were inseparable. Now it was his turn to be shocked. He said, "Dee and I were just friends. I made that clear to her. I NEVER wanted to be any more than just friends with her and never was. LW knew that. She kept following me everywhere I went." I told him that LW had repeatedly told me that he and Dee were a close knit item. He just shook his head, told me how sorry he was that things had gone the way they did and I had ended up the way I had ended up (meaning he knew how LW treated me). At that moment it hit us both that LW and Dee had concocted a plan so that Dee could be free to try to get Ronnie and LW could prove to his best friend that he was the "better man." At that moment it dawned on me that my entire marriage was based on lies. 'Getting me' was simply to win a competition with his best friend. Ronnie and I were both devastated as we both realized what had happened back in high school. Through the window we saw LW walk back towards the door. Ronnie quickly whispered to me, "We will talk more about what to do when I get back." LW came back in and Ronnie soon had to leave.
Time went by slowly and I longed for Ronnie's return. My marriage had grown even more rocky. I could not forget the horrible game my best friend and now husband had played. I hated him. I could never look at him the same again. Any respect I did have for him was gone. I soon learned that I was pregnant again. (the consequences of not submitting were ugly) LW refused to talk about the baby. He said, "I don't want another baby, you got pregnant. you deal with it. I will worry about it when it gets here." Despite everything I was excited that I was going to have another child. I was ready for another baby. But I had never felt so alone. Life got even rougher.
I was getting close to my due date. I had been in first stage labor for a couple of weeks and had to stay close to home. The phone rang. LW answered it. It was Dee. The devastated look on LW's face and the "when did it happen" told me that something horrible had happened. Ronnie was dead. Ronnie, still stationed overseas, had gone to jump from one subway train onto another and missed. It was a closed casket. I heard LW ask her when the funeral was. Then, without asking me, he told her that he couldn't come because he had to stay close to me in case I went into the next stage of labor. Dee was furious, and rightly so. LW refused to go to his best friend's funeral and used the baby that he didn't want as an excuse.
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tentfire
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Nov 11 @ 7:08PM
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I was completely numb. My heart was broken in two. The man I loved was dead and the one that had kept us apart I was married to. I hated him even more. I couldn't stand to look at him. I had never felt so much hurt and my heart began to act funny. A couple of weeks later, still in labor, I had my beautiful baby girl. A few weeks later I collapsed and was rushed to ER. My body was completely exhausted and between that and extreme stress, my heart valve had quit working properly and my body was drained of all strength. The doctor said that my maternal drive to keep going to take care of my babies is the only thing that kept me alive long enough to get to the hospital. I owe being alive to my first two kids. Ronnie was a closed subject. LW refused to discuss it and I just couldn't. When the doctors asked what I was so extremely stressed about, I couldn't tell them because it would have made an already bad marriage even worse. So I kept it all inside, which made my heart worse. Every time LW came into the room, the heart monitor that I was hooked up to went crazy and the nurses came running in. The doctor's began to question LW but he said he didn't know why, and he didn't. They had to limit his visits because I became so stressed when he walked into the room that I was at risk of dying. I had always heard that when one dies, the other often does soon after from a broken heart. Right then I understood exactly what that meant. But I knew I had to live to raise my kids myself.
Although it would take years to be strong again, as I began to gain some of my strength I did try to leave. I wanted a divorce. I could not be a proper wife for someone I hated so much and no longer had any respect for. But LW made it clear that if I left, he and his mom would make sure that he got custody of the kids because I wasn't in good enough physical shape to care and provide for them. He cruely said that I would rarely, if ever, see them. So I stayed and tried to make a good life the best I could. I devoted my life to those kids and the future kids that we had. But as my kids approached adulthood, my heart miraculously healed, and LW turned to alcohol and became dangerous to live with I did finally leave.
So today, on this dreary, chilly Veteran's Day, I want to say, "Thank you Ronnie for serving our country. You had a talent unlike any other and gave enormously to our country in such a short time. You were the better man.
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EternalFlame
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Nov 11 @ 7:20PM
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jadedbtch
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Nov 11 @ 9:21PM
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I just had to tell that your story touched my in ways only a woman that loves another man would understand. Thank you very much for your story and I truely do wish you the best and most happiest of years now that you are away from the ex-husband. May God Bless you and yours!
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tentfire
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Nov 11 @ 10:29PM
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Oh, thank you so much! That means a lot. And I am so glad that someone could get something out of it. I needed to write it so that I could finally let go. And doing so has brought me great peace. I had never told a sole until a couple of weeks ago. And I wanted to make sure I gave proper honor to Ronnie today.
I do want to add that, after he was gone and I knew I had to stay, I tried for awhile to make it work, but it just wasn't possible. So we lived two separate lives within the same house...... for a total of 22 years
May God bless you, too!
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gunn12fan
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Nov 11 @ 11:16PM
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Wow very cool
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butterfly943
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Nov 12 @ 2:37PM
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 Wonderful Blog..it made me cry, smile then cry
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misschief
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Feb 14 @ 8:11PM
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 ~*~
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BandTMom
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Feb 14 @ 8:36PM
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I'm sorry I missed this the first time around.
What a wonderful story and what a lesson too.
Never be afraid to tell to let someone know you love them.
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