It must be the hardest thing in the world to be trapped in a body you feel doesn't belong to you. I can't even imagine what that must feel like and my heart goes out to anyone who has experienced it. Surgery is expensive and I would imagine the hormones required to alter one's body and voice aren't easily available on the National Health, if at all. On top of that there's the psychological impact of having to change one's persona from male to female or vice versa. I know someone who has recently changed her first name from one she never felt comfortable with. Just explaining that to people, let alone the awkward transition from old name to new, is awkward enough. I can't imagine how hard it must be to change one's sex and have to put up with other people's uncomfortable reactions.
However, if someone decides not to disclose the fact they were previously the opposite sex or currently going through the transitional stage, I'm wondering if it could be considered deception. Whoever we are or whatever we choose to do in this life is presumably something that makes us happy. If this is the case then why should we feel ashamed or a need to hide it?
Hypothetically, is it not also deception to let someone think you are their friend, or want to be, behave in a way that is all sweetness and light, give no indication of your true feelings until it's too late, then blame the other people concerned for your predicament. Surely, if you don't let someone know you really like them and would like more with them until they're really into someone else, then you only have yourself to blame! This is a sad situation, but it's even sadder to then accuse other people of ruining your chances in some way.
My personal situation with regard to this saddens me, because I never pretended to the person concerned that I ever wanted her friendship, I occasionally acknowledged her contact so as not to appear rude, but denied every friend request. They came to me once for advice and I think I was reasonably sympathetic, given that the other person concerned was a very good friend of mine. Yet, this person continues to bad mouth me to others, trying to make me look like a scarlet woman because I'm now in a relationship with someone she wanted. Someone she never let on she wanted until after she knew he was deeply involved with me.
I have never trusted this person from the word go..... although it seems they've fooled many others. If this person is a lonely transexual then I think it would be beneficial for them to come out completely and be totally honest, I'm pretty sure most people who aren't complete bigots will be cool with it and will admire their guts and honesty. However, when a person chooses to deceive, we can never be quite sure who or what they are? This person could be male, female, transexual, transvestite, gay, straight, bi-sexual, black, white, Catholic, Baptist or Seventh Day Adventist! If they choose to be dishonest some of the time, then we can never be sure what is true and what is false.
Total honesty is not always the best policy, sometimes it's best to tell a white lie and spare a person's feelings, but when it comes to being who we, honesty is the way forward every time or we will be sad, lonely misfits for the rest of our lives.
Angel has spoken............... thank you for listening
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Bojangles102

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Nov 20 @ 11:22AM
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You speak of trans sexuals...There are hundreds of thousands of people, even millions of people who are trapped in handicapped or far from perfect bodies.
Trans sexuals can walk, run, stand and have dexterity with both hands. They can see and hear. They are not trapped in a body at birth that will prevent them from earning a living.
People who have handicaps that I refer to don't ask for pity. But they would trade lots with a trans sexual any day.
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dallas1995

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Nov 20 @ 11:23AM
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good blog and very true...honesty is the best policy...when one lies they dig a deeper hole, hard to get out of...and not a good way to win friends either
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Bionic_Angel

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Nov 20 @ 11:39AM
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I get your point Bojangles but it's more than a little off topic.
It wouldn't do for me to write about transexuals in an unsympathetic way as I am sympathetic to their plight, even if others aren't. I am also sympathetic towards the handicapped but, as I said, it is not the subject of my blog. I hope you will take my reply in the peaceful spirit it was intended.
Thank you for reading
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Josuha

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Nov 20 @ 11:40AM
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However, if someone decides not to disclose the fact they were previously the opposite sex or currently going through the transitional stage, I'm wondering if it could be considered deception. Whoever we are or whatever we choose to do in this life is presumably something that makes us happy. If this is the case then why should we feel ashamed or a need to hide it? Of course it's deception. People have the right to know. They made their choice, and others have a choice too if they want a relationship with someone who changed their looks chemically and with surgury.. I don't say 'gender' because, if you were born a man or woman, that's what you are no matter how much 'change' in the outward appearance.
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Peabianjay

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Nov 20 @ 1:44PM
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It can be difficult to be honest about some things, in particular those things which aren't (yet) socially acceptable.
I met a guy in a bar, a friend of my gf. We were just havin' a few drinks, random small talk, when he said, "When I was a little girl..." I did my best to supress my surprise at the comment and just listened to what he had to say.
Later, I contemplated the 'situation'.
He had had a sex change. It wasn't a 'secret', nor did he feel it was necessary to dramatize it. It was simply "the way things were". He had no 'agenda'. He didn't attempt to force people to accept it. For all of that, I have the utmost respect for him.
In a 'perfect' world, people could simply just accept things, without judging or criticizing events, behaviour, etc. that have absolutely no negative impact on your own life. It would make it much easier for everyone to be honest if they didn't have to face abuse for it....whatever 'it' may be.
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Cruisenite

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Nov 20 @ 5:27PM
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Angel the subject in your blog has a habit of contacting people on a person's friends list after he/she is told that someone doesn't want contact with them. When contacting their friends, this person does her/his best to try and make the person that rejected them look bad.
What is unbelievable to me and many others I've talked to is this has happened so frequently here on MD with the same person involved over and over. Seems to be a way of life for this person. They certainly need to get a life whichever they choose, man or woman and leave people alone when they request being left alone.
Perhaps they only get enjoyment out of negative reaction...go figure!
Nice blog Angel!
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missliss78

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Nov 20 @ 5:28PM
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We've had first hand opportunity to read & learn of transsexualism from Kateslooking, right here in blogland. While I agree it is a genuine issue for people, many do not possess the psychological skills to deal with it & can't or won't seek help to either make the change or deal with it.
I take issue, too, with anyone who is deceptive in attempting to make friendships or whatever....whether it has to do with this issue or any other.
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ttomtarr

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Nov 20 @ 6:44PM
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Most of the transexuals I have known had a whole bunch of issues other than sexuality;
It is not a lifestyle I would wish for a friend.
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Blondino

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Nov 21 @ 4:13AM
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I am all for freedom of choice - to be cross dresser, transvestite, trans sexual whatever you want to be . Just be honest about it .
When a person presents themselves on a dating site as a younger as a woman when they are not and presents them self to men as female - thats deception and lies.
The truth will come out in the end ..... sad very sad for all involved
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SpiritOrnery

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Nov 21 @ 9:50AM
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Good luck on dealing with this. I truly have realized how important honesty is. If you are not honest from the git go in a situation, the relationship, no matter what kind it is, is not a good relationship. It is a drain on at least the one being lied to or deceived.
My personal take on the transexual part is this, if you meet someone you like, then and only then do you share personal info like sex change. I certainly do not share my personal info with people I do not want to keep around and I would not share info with people I did not trust a great deal. Just my 2 cents worth.
Now if you trust someone then later find they are not trustworthy, that tends to make people distrust people more and then they are less likely to share their private info with people until they REALLY get to know them very well.
I can only imagine how painful it could be in our 'manly' society if some man does a sex change and shares that info too soon. Some pretty homophobic men around that will flat out torture people for something like that. Sad. Real sad. You learn real quick the type of people they are when you share personal info. I have been attacked many times just for my beliefs.
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