This thanksgiving will be completely diffrent from any one ive ever had......for those of you that dont know......my parents split up about two months ago after over 53 years of marriage.....my mom had her reasons and i stand by them......so my dad for the first time in his life lives all alone out in the country.....and my mom now lives at the top of indiana with my brothers family.....up to this point....all my turkey days have been spent at my folks house with my brothers family comming down and me and my kids going there....but this year......im driving up to my dads house after work...on wednesday evening.....78 miles after working a ten hour day.....to stay over nite....and then...we get up early thanksgiving morning and drive to my brothers house...another 87 miles to the north.....now this is where the stress comes in.....first...my father is very bitter that my mom left.....for the first two weeks or so...i couldnt even talk to him on the phone......all the hate comming out of him was more than i can take......while on my moms side.....for the first time in years....shes doing what she wants to do.....no more taking orders from a man whos health has gotten so bad.....its like being a slave that is now free.....her health has improved so much...her doctor halfed her pain pills.....to talk to her now...its as if shes a new woman.....i was just going to take my dad out for dinner...and then watch football at his house all day.....he was so worried he was gonna spend thanksgiving all alone this year.......and me being his son....i wasnt gonna let that happen......im sending both my kids to their moms this year.......i dont want them to be around to see whats about to happen.....so anyway.....my dad and i are invited to my brothers house this year.....my mom and dad have talked on the phone....and they say everything will be fine......my dad dosnt travel well....first he cant get away from the bathroom for very long.....and i understand this.....but he wants to make the trip anyway.....so getting there the nite before...im hopping to regulate what he eats.....that way we can make the trip with as few stops as we have to.....and second......i found out that my brothers kids are inviting one of their friends this year to dinner.....and he happens to be a black guy.....and my dad has been known to make comments about blacks.....hes been this way his whole life.....right or wrong..its how he is.....and my brother knows this....he said that his kids are not gonna take any crap off grandpa this year if he starts up with their friend.....and i told my brother that this guy is a guest.....and his dad is his father......big diffrence im thinking as to what needs to be done......and after we eat......me and dad decided to drive back home rather than stay over nite.......and all i can think about is whats gonna happen....how will it all turn out......i guess my family thanksgivings are gonna be changed forever......cookie
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| As Stressful As A Turkey Must Be Feeling........ |
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missliss78
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Nov 23 @ 8:16PM
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One thing is for certain, cookie...
We can't stop change & we can't control what other people say & do.
I'm hoping it will all go much better than you are currently anticipating &
that even though Thanksgiving will be different from what you've always known, that you will enjoy it nonetheless. 
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loreal
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Nov 23 @ 8:23PM
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hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
L 
After reading all your blogs, I want to spend Thanksgiving at your house!
You are a master cook!
Happy Holidays my friend!
L
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scorpiogirl36
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Nov 23 @ 8:29PM
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Very sad to hear your parents are going through this after 53 years together...maybe enjoying the holiday together will happily reunite them.
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goodgurlgonebad
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Nov 23 @ 8:32PM
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awwwww cookie it sounds like a real stressful day for you. You cannot control what other people do or say.......all you can do is try to make a bad situation better.....I know how that is....ive had my share of family gatherings where some people or parents dont get along. I wish you a wonderful thanksgiving  Dont stress out......when ya get home we can cyber  dont tell no one....hehehehe
Tammy
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BeachCrete
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Nov 23 @ 8:38PM
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I'm sorry to hear that your parents have split after that many years cookie.....well Thanksgiving is about showing thanks and giving...it looks to me like you are doing both by making sure that your father isn't excluded out of this years get together regardless of the situation between him and your mother or his failing health....I commend you sir  
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stormygail
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Nov 23 @ 8:40PM
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Though change is hard at times, especially through the holidays, remember that you are not alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend...
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jayej
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Nov 23 @ 8:45PM
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For years it was always Thanksgiving at my moms. A few years ago mom just got to overwhelmed with the hostessing. We switched it tomy brothers, where mom felt most comfortable, but this year we seem to passing the traditon down to the next generation and my nephew is hosting.
I have nothing against my nephew but this year I am having Thanksgiving on the mountain. My daughter recently moved home, with the two grandsons and we are going to start our little family tradition.
Don't worry bout your dad and your nephews guest. Hopefully all will go smoothly. You will just be exhausted from all the driving.
Have a good time Cookie, relax and just enjoy the day. Perhaps next year there will be less of a feel of transition.
J
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kywonder
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Nov 23 @ 8:52PM
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Wow Cookie, you are going to be exhausted after this day of Thanks. Sounds like you have a three ring circus going on there. It is hard after that many years of marriage. I was married for 25, I can not imagine a split after 53.
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KnittinKitten
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Nov 23 @ 9:01PM
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Cookie:
It's sad when we children have to become "parents" to our parents....but, unfortunately, it DOES happen.
I'm sure dad is bitter at this point, and it's understandable. However, if you cannot get your brother AND your dad, to agree to disagree amicably, perhaps a better choice for the day might be to find a nearby "home cooking" restaurant and not make the drive. It won't be a "celebration", if they tangle!
I'm looking at this from both sides....and, YOU are making a pretty big sacrifice to have a "nice family day". I'm thinking that, if both your brother and your dad are not prepared to agree on what behavior will be tolerated and what will NOT, then it appears that they are BOTH dishonoring you and all your efforts.
Obviously, you cannot control what others say and do, but, you are in control of what YOU agree to do and...having been there....I'm thinking it might be wiser to protect YOURSELF and, maybe have as much peaceful time with your dad as possible...The next few years might be a long haul, until he adjusts to his singleness.
Just my thoughts....
KK
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EmmeS61
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Nov 23 @ 9:25PM
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You already know that I feel for you... trying to keep peace and please everyone even if it means compromising yourself. I said that I am not sure that I could do the same... yet I seem to, time after time.
I wish the best for you... a surprisingly pleasant holiday in which everyone is thankful for all that they have, putting aside what is not important and focusing on what is... family and friends together enjoying the bounty of the season.
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lazareth
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Nov 23 @ 9:55PM
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Since I can't make it to North Carolina for Thanksgiving I think I'll just stay home by myself and pull the blankets up over my head and sleep or either get drunk
Wish it were better for ya hon..... holidays are stressful enough, even without all the drama....
Hugs.....
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butterfly943
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Nov 23 @ 10:20PM
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And I will say again...you are a good loving caring son
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summerbreeze916
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Nov 23 @ 10:23PM
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cookie.......I feel so badly for your dad, but really happy for your mom. I am glad you're willing to go the 'extra mile'(s).... (no pun intended) to make this Thanksgiving as 'normal' as possible. OOOOOhhhhhhhhh............Christmas is right around the corner. But good news! After that..........clear sailing, pretty much, until..............Easter? give or take a possible few birthdays in there. I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving..... 
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ragtopcookie
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Nov 24 @ 4:43AM
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To everybody who commented on my blog......i thank you for your kindness and understanding in this years thanksgiving circus.....it was called that in the comments....and i agree with it....i write these blogs of mine not to really share personal things that are going on in my life.....i write them to try and get them out of my head and see them for myself for what they are....sometimes....its something to be proud of.....but this mess.....if it goes off right....ill really be surprized.......im going to miss my family get togethers...the way they use to happen.....and at almost 50......im just sick of all the changes that have to take place in ones like....ive never dealt with change very well.....and stress is just part of my everyday life now days......ive tried to avoid the stress as much as possible.....but i see theres no avoiding this......if i could have it my way...this year.....i would invite all my kind and caring matchdoctor friends over for one great thanksgiving dinner......and id do all the cooking......wouldnt that be a nice thing to be apart of.....forgive me if i seem bitter about all this.....like most times.....i write from my heart......and this year....my heart has been broken........michael
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joygirl4u
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Nov 24 @ 10:58AM
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Cookie, it is hard to see our family change, family gives us stability through childhood, that's why we feel so off center when something or someone changes within it... it is understandable to be resented at the situation and those who caused it, yet those who caused it are the ones you love. Tough situation huh? I am not going to give you advice or tell you what I think you should do or how you should feel.
I, as well, have seen my family crumble and fall apart, but just as a layer (or generation) crumbles and falls apart, another one rises. Like a tree that grows a new layer of bark, covering up the old one, with scars and everything. The process might be a little painful and not very pretty, but things will work out in the end...
You are fortunate to still have both your parents, you are a good son and I think they both know and appreciate it... even if they don't show it
Have an enjoyable thanksgiving, and thanks for the virtual dinner... 
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poohbear1957
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Nov 24 @ 1:39PM
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just want u to know u are in my thoughts and prayers. Linda
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