With the holidays coming up, I thought it might be nice to post some signs letting you know that you have had too much holiday cheer. Now I know that none of us have ever been here before, but just in case here is the list to let you know.
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
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| ~~Signs You've Had Too Much Holiday Cheer~~ |
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john49887
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Nov 24 @ 5:54PM
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Wow! I thought I was out of sight when all of this was going on! 
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andxr
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Nov 24 @ 5:59PM
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" ask for another ice cub and put it in your pocket"................  I love it!
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willy3411
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Nov 24 @ 6:36PM
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You can't even find the floor.
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leprichaun_magic
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Nov 24 @ 6:36PM
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lol .. like it , also ^^ the ice cube Andr ..^^ 
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j72foru
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Nov 24 @ 6:36PM
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Great Job Sweetheart!! Those are tooooo Funny  Thanks for the Laugh Luv.. 
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Jacksonboy
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Nov 24 @ 6:57PM
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You did not even mention lamp shades. 
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butterfly943
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Nov 24 @ 7:29PM
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7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall. darn it I always loved those kisses 
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goodgurlgonebad
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Nov 24 @ 7:45PM
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this was great 
Tammy 
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summerbreeze916
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Nov 24 @ 7:57PM
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Ewwwwwwwww............I think I'm going to  ! Now, I'm going to be sick for the next four days again! Thanks for reminding me about those days.........but I didn't know you were at those same parties!!!  
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bardnsage
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Nov 24 @ 11:43PM
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After 44 years of attending Christmas parties in trailers, fields, VFW's and even on occasion, my own home,,,,, I have many Christmas memories. I have rounded off the list, to those that pop into my head, and fit the orginal intent of the OP,,, until I reach number 44. Enjoy, and stay tuned for a follow up on December 26th to add to the list.
16. When you think putting a condom in punch bowl full of egg nog is a good joke.
17. You arrange the Christmas deer on the lawn into two deer humping.
18. You start eating popcorn off the tree decorations.
19. You have put mistletoe in your belt buckle.
20. You suddenly have the urge to go to Walmart for more lights.
21. You find someone bent over the toilet puking, and you think,,,,Damn, that's a nice ass.
22. You make a minora out of road flares, and you are not jewish.
23. You go caroling at the nieghbors, but end up singing Hank Williams Jr. songs.
24. You paint your ex's mini-van to look like a sleigh, with a brush.
25. You put flanel shirts on the wisemen in the manager scene, cause they were left over from the scarecrow on halloween.
26. The Father and the Sisters from the church down the road come by soliciting donations, and you have to write a $100 check because you told the one of the Sisters,,,,, "I'd like to hark in your harold and make you sing".
27. You know how much moon shine to substitute for store bought whiskey in the egg nog.
28. You made jello shooters out of strawberry and lime jello, cause they matched the decorations.
29. You comb the dogs hair to look like the grinch.
30. You are overheard at the church play telling your buddy, "I'd like to bang the Virgin Mary this year. Wait till I get her drunk, then I'll make a move."
31. You think little Jr.s rendition of Silent Night on an electric guitar sounds good.
32. You laugh your butt off, because Grandpa went to the bathroom with the Christmas turkey,,,,, again.
33. You have arranged empty beer cans on the lawn, to spell NOEL. And the letters are 5 feet wide.
34. You make luminaires out of McDonalds bags.
35. You hid a porno in the Rudolf video box, and didn't remember until the movie was half over and the kids were asking questions.
36. You listen intently to 5 guys with spit cups and ball caps explain the significance of Kwansa to each other.
37. You read the instructions for installing a power inverter on a truck, to your brother in law so he can put twinkle bulbs on the car.
38. You find yourself staring at the dumb ass Christmas lights in a field, only to later be told it's the local air strip.
39. You spell bad words on your kids new light bright.
40. You leave Santa a slim-jim and a cold beer.
41. Your brother shouts from the driver seat, "Who is stupid enough to put blue Christmas lights on a car?" ----next sound is a siren----
42. You find all the "BIG" candy canes in grandmas night stand, and you put them back in the kid's stockings.
43. Staggering through the Walmart, you think "RED" vacume cleaner bags is a great stocking stuffer.
44. The whole party goes out into the dark, holding candles, and circle around the nitivity scene. The soft humming of Silent Night, is only broken by a someone shouting,,,,,"It's the f***ing baby Jesus you dumbshit."
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