There is a voice inside me today, something that will not listen to my outer self wishing it to be still. My inner spirit today is restless, it paces back and forth like a wolf sensing something in the wind. I am feeling restless, wounded and antsy. I feel something coming in the air, I feel its approach, I sense its thirst.
It is my rebirth. I have grieved and my tears have become heavy and are holding both my soul and my brother's bound. I am at a crossroad today. I have made so many bad choices and mistakes in my life. There are skeletons and ghosts around every corner of everyone's life. They hide in the shadows waiting for the right opportunity .. the exact moment of the outer soul tiring while carrying around all their worries and pain in the sack they willing pick up and carry each day they continue to allow those not-so-good memories invade and take over the good.
It is time! I can either go on with the rest of my life either so sorrowful and hurt that I walk past all the good and shun my eyes from the blaring light of the heart memories... or ... I can, as Tim McGraw says in his song.. "let it go".. stand out in the proverbial rain and let that water wash me clean.
I've not slept well this past month and one-half and I believe that the work my one sister and I have done on my brother's house was keeping all the ghosts and skeletons armed and ready and willing to attack. The words that were thrown around because we (my sis and I) believed what we were doing was to help, to assist in selling something that really holds no meaning.. it is a shell, a man-built building where my brother decided to give up on life. THIS IS NOT SAID IN ANY CALLOUS MANNER.. I LOVED THAT BOY.. I still do.. I held him when he couldn't sleep as a baby, I rocked him and myself to sleep, I burped him, fed him and changed his diapers. He was a part of my heart... and today, I let him go to be with His Heavenly Father and my other baby brother.. to do what I should have allowed him to from the moment he drew his last breath.. to begin his eternal life. God calls everyone of us home one day... and as Brooks & Dunn and my gramps always said.. "cowgirls don't cry (or at least they shouldn't.. tears are weights) .. ride baby ride"... so that is what I will do.
I leave you with a prayer to the Great Spirit... I embrace many of the Native American legends, because they speak to my heart...and this is a prayer of Thanks...
Prayer to Great Spirit
Oh mighty Great Spirit of all two legged,
four legged and winged ones.
Please hear my prayer, and grant that
I shall receive that which I need.
Thank you for dry moccasins you
place around my feet.
Thank you for my robe and blanket you
covered me for warmth.
Thank you for my lodge to shelter me
From the cold maker, and the rainmaker
Thank you for the meat you have
given me to cook over my fire.
Thank you for clean fresh water to quench my thirst.
Guide my mind, spirit and soul down
the red path facing the white direction
Guide me in my judgment
as my decisions may affect the lives
of many people within my tribe and family.
Thank You O mighty Great Spirit
for all that which you have given me today.
And the song that made me realize I cannot do this any longer... thank you Tim McGraw....
Let It Go....
BLIND TO THE TRUTH
In the overcrowded cities where the nights are bright as day
You spend your weekly paycheck and turn your eyes away
From the crisis we’ve created with our self-indulgent ways
Living like there’s no tomorrow, well that just might be the case
Now they’re tearing down the forests and the jungles of brazil
Without a second thought about the species that they kill
But extinction is forever and still the forests fall
And push it ever closer to extinction for us all
But you’re so blind to the truth, blind to the truth
And you can’t see nothing
Cause you’re so blind to the truth, blind to the truth
And the judgment day is coming
Now the politicians bicker on the early evening news
Pledging their allegiance to whoever they can use
The corporate bosses snicker as they watch the profits soar
They don’t care what they make next month just as long as it is more
They take our farms and marshlands, drive nature to the wall
Just so they can build another goddamn shopping mall
And it doesn’t seem to matter if they cannot see the stars
As long as they can keep on building obsolescent cars
They’re so blind to the truth, blind to the truth
No they can’t see nothing
They’re so blind to the truth, blind to the truth
But the judgment day is coming
Now you cannot drink the water and you cannot breathe the air
The sky is ripping open and you still don’t seem to care
The soil is tired and toxic and unable to provide
The clock is running out and there is nowhere left to hide
Now there’s laws that we must live by and they’re not the laws of man
Can’t you see the shadow that moves across this land
The future is upon us and there’s so much we must do
And you know I can’t ignore it and my friend neither can you
Unless you’re blind to the truth, blind to the truth
And you can’t see nothing
You’re so blind to the truth, blind to the truth
But the judgment day is coming
Dan Fogelberg › Blind to The Truth...1990
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| Let It Go.. Today I do...Blind to the Truth |
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