It's not bad enough that you wake up to find the nastiest looking bruise on your leg with NO IDEA how it got there and it hurts like a sonnamabeach, the dang phone has to ring and the person on the other line is the bearer of bad news. THAT is how my yesterday started.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Cougz" (ok SHE doesn't call me that but for the sake of MD, I'm going to let her  ) "I just want you to know that at our Board Meeting last week it was decided that we need to post your position for tenders. Your contract will end on December 31. You're encouraged to reapply though."
After 3 years, after being told that the job was mine until "I" no longer wanted it, I get told I can reapply?
Then I heard the slam of the mailbox. Perhaps I should have just let well enough alone but I really wanted my new Cosmo magazine  There was a letter from my landlord. As of January 1 my rent will increase by $200 based on my income  Funny part? Ok NOT so funny but still... my landlord is also the one who called to tell me that my position was over on December 31. That extra $200 would be the amount they paid me a month....and seeing that job will be done, wherever will it come from? 
The rent increase made my decision for me. I will not reapply for my job. What? I'm in geared-to-income housing so without the added income I can get that rent lowered to where I can actually afford it. I mean why not? With the increase in utilities and driving both myself and my son to work/school, any little bit helps, except in this case. And I'm tired out. I'm no spring chicken anymore. Been working 3 jobs for years now and not really getting ahead. Less work, less stress. Less work? hahahahaha ok so I started a fulltime job AND I still do housecleanings do I really need that other job? Perhaps it really IS about looking after me for a change.
When suffering depression I usually go full-force with work, cleaning until my hands are numb, cooking, baking, shopping. Maybe this is God's hand on my shoulder saying "Cougz" (I know, I know, HE is NOT calling me that [e57] ) "You need to rest. I WILL provide. Just slow down and see the beauty around you and inside you. I will take care of the rest." And I am going to listen for a change. Wow..."I" am going to listen.
As down as I have been I have made big steps the past few weeks from quitting a job I needed to, to starting a new job, to saying no to a suitor, to realizing I need to slow down, to be once and for all over it, to have spoiled the shit outta my son this year for Christmas, and to realize that no matter how geographically challenged people close to me are they are closer to me than they know 
To all of you Americans, either there or abroad , Happy Thanksgiving!
To my fellow Canucks (you're celebrating Thanksgiving, Mags, so this one doesn't apply to you  ) enjoy your Thursday, even if you're like me and have to get to work.
Cougz
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