| Sep 28 @ 9:35 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Ballad Of A Farmer's Wife
In me previous life well I was the wife of a farmer from Fogartys Creek.
I was the type who did everything right: I was passive and placid and meek.
There was nothin' to learn where he was concerned - just act as if he was a king
(and keep sayin' 'no' when he fumbled below 'til I had me that little gold ring).
Well, he had me alright on our weddin' night - been better if he was a bull!
Some honeymoon, me stuck in the room and him at the pub gettin' full.
We moved the next week out to Fogarty's Creek and I was a farmer's wife.
I cooked and I cleaned and six babies I weaned. I'd no time to think about life.
He got up at dawn, by six he was gone and for twelve hours a day no-one saw 'im
Bar the sheep and the cows and the 'overing crows...whatever I said useta bore him.
So I learnt to just listen and keep me mouth shut and say 'yes dear' and 'no dear' and 'maybe'
And when now and then he behaved like all men it was Bingo: another new baby.
The years passed away, the same thing everyday 'til I was just touchin' on forty.
I'd more time for readin' and found meself dreamin' of things that I knew were quite naughty.
I'd picture a man who held out his hand and said "Come with me down to the creek.
Love me, me beauty, with lust - not duty, not passive 'n placid 'n meek"
Well, I heard our kids say to their father the day that the eldest went into the army.
"Hey, Get 'er away on a long holiday! Mum seems to've gone a bit barmy!
She's pluckin' her brows and neglectin' the cows and she's buying new dresses to wear.
She stares at the moon and she's wearin' perfume and she's puttin' red stuff in her hair.
Well, their father agreed that there was a need for a doctor - that much he could tell.
But them medical morons were all much the same and a vet would do equally well.
Well, he came to the house when they were all out and I knew the first minute I saw him
Whatever I did for this lonely young kid it would most certainly not bore him.
He was not Valentino or even Clark Gable but who cared about that bloody 'ell.
As I found out that night me husband was right and a vet could do equally well.
I lay back on the grass, looked up at the stars, didn't mind all the bindi-is,
I felt warm I felt wet - I thanked god for the vet, I felt wicked and wanting and wise.
***
In my previous life well I was the wife of the farmer at Fogartys Creek.
He's still there a-farmin' - there's nothin' can harm 'im...I visit me kids every week.
Me vet lost his job but we make a few bob when we're not makin' something much nicer!
So if your life is hell, go TO IT me girl or you'll go to your grave none the wiser.
Copyright; Pam Harris nee Moore
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| Sep 29 @ 10:06 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Bubble Trouble
There once was a diver named Hank
who had to go sit on the bank.
He ran into trouble
when friends saw a bubble
that didn't come out of his tank.
Copyright; Albert Van Hoogmoed
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| Sep 30 @ 10:03 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
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| Oct 9 @ 10:05 AM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Arguing about the sign
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?
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| Oct 9 @ 10:47 AM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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oct_cat
Posts: 1,374
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Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!? 
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| Oct 9 @ 12:22 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet bowl?
To look for Pooh
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| Oct 9 @ 1:34 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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oct_cat
Posts: 1,374
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ewwwww . . . .
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| Oct 10 @ 5:08 AM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Chevygirl355
Posts: 59
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To cute ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 
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| Oct 15 @ 2:47 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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What do you call a woman with one leg?
- Ilene 
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
- Matt 
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
- Bob 
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| Oct 15 @ 3:01 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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One night these two midget brothers walk into a bar and one says "Man I'm tired of screwing midget girls lets screw real women." So the other guy agreed.
5 minutes later two blonde's walk into the bar and sit by the two midgets.
So the four of them get talking and the midgets ask if they want to come to there hotel rooms and stay the night and have sex.
So the two blonde's decide to go.
In the first room the blonde and the midget were getting it on when the midget says "Oh baby, I'm sorry this has never happened before, but I can't get hard"
So they give up and lay down to go asleep. But through the wall from the second room they hear "1, 2, 3 uh 1, 2, 3 uh", which keeps up all night long.
So the next day after the blonde's leave the brothers meet each other again and discuss how there night went.
The first midget says "Oh, my night was terrible. I just couldn't get hard."
The second midget replies "Mine was worse than that"
"What do you mean" said the first guy. "I heard you going "1, 2, 3 uh all night long".
To which the second guy replies "Yeah! I couldn't get on the damn bed"
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| Oct 15 @ 3:20 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
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| Oct 15 @ 6:22 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Chevygirl355
Posts: 59
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Oh yea nice
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| Oct 22 @ 8:35 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"
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| Oct 22 @ 9:31 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife.” He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
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| Oct 22 @ 11:45 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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oct_cat
Posts: 1,374
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How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll??
Don't know . . . it's never been done!!! 
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| Oct 24 @ 10:40 AM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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LOL
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| Nov 5 @ 12:16 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
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| Nov 5 @ 12:25 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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A French guest, staying in a hotel, called room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper, please!"
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| Nov 11 @ 4:55 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go..
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes
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| Nov 11 @ 4:59 PM |
Just some funnies 2 go.. |
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Strata2007
Posts: 210
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Men who are bald at front of their heads are good thinkers.
Men who are bald at the back of their heads are good lovers.
Men who are bald at front and back think they are good lovers.
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