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Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?


Apr 6, 2007 @ 12:41 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
minky


Posts: 329
All the men I've met in this age range are up for a sexual connection, but anything
emotional seems like a bother
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Apr 6, 2007 @ 1:33 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
smplguy139


Posts: 73
I want something serious but can not get any takers so maybe I should be like the majority and only want sex
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Apr 12, 2007 @ 11:42 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
waterfire


Posts: 3,299


since I do nto look for men I can not verfiy what you say but do wish women would think more along those lines

(all in fun hon)
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Apr 12, 2007 @ 11:53 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Say_Yes


Posts: 2,077
I, like many men would like nothing more than a lifelong relationship with a truly compatible mate. I do not belived that in this I am in the minority. The problem is not in the lack of desire on our part, but rather in finding that partner with whom life is meant to be shared and treasured.

After a while, we men become somewhat jaded after dealing with the bitterness that is so common in women of our age. We are called shallow, because we wish to live a long healthy life with our partner, so we reject the obese, as this does not fit into the lifestyle that we wish to live. (For some reason, a woman can choose to be obese and somehow she thinks it makes her noble. In reality, it just makes her fat, with a shorter life span and greater health issues. I never will understand why women like you Minky put up with the insults that these send your way.) We are asked to be meal tickets for children from previous relationships, but we are to have no say in the manner in which those children are raised.

There are many other reasons that men tire of the dance and decide that relationships just are not worth the effort. We have a physical NEED for sex, so no matter how jaded we become, we retain that need, thus the desire for sexual connections, regardless of the balance of the relationship. That is something that women just can not, or will not understand about men. We NEED sex. Our cravings are harmonal and natural. It is not a thing that is debased or dirty. It is just as much of a need on our part, as woman has the NEED for security. Of course, since women do not have this same NEED, they do not understand us. For them, it is just one more reason why they see us as being shallow.

Men and women are very different. We have differing psychologies, needs, wants and desires. I don't think that we can ever truly understand one another, as it requires each of us to look within, see our own faults and then find ways to improve our self. It is so much easier to insult, condemn and blame another than it is to realize that perhaps the issue lies within, rather than without.

Okay, I have rambled and probably should have put this in a blog, rather than within your thread. It is not my intent to say the above is descriptive of you Minky, but rather just some general observations. In truth, part of the reason that a lot of guys would be interested in a physical relationship with you, is due to your beauty and sensuality. There can be a down side to being attractive and in your case, it would not surprise me in the least that most, if not all of the reason why you have had so many men looking for a sexual connection, is the fact that physically, you have a great deal of sex appeal.

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Apr 14, 2007 @ 9:01 AM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
minky


Posts: 329
Say Yes,
Thanks for your honest input. I don't put up with the immature men who only want to service their libido, this is why I am not in a relationship.
What I don't understand is why so many middle aged men have not yet progressed past this
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Apr 14, 2007 @ 9:45 AM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Heaveninawildflower


Posts: 22,725
What I don't understand is why so many middle aged men have not yet progressed past this

Granted I'm only speaking from personal experience, but I think most men are exactly as Say_Yes describes, at least most of those I've encountered. The problem is the need to match up on so many different levels for it all to work without a huge effort of compromise. Now throw in the 'chemistry' thing and it's a wonder we older folks find long term matches at all, once the overriding need to procreate is removed from the mix, and its ability to lubricate so many of the rough spots.

Experience has taught us lots about what we need and what we can't tolerate, so on the plus side we're less likely to choose as unwisely as many of us have in the past, but on the minus side, no matter how large the pool of possible partners is, our criteria now limit that number to a really small one.

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Apr 14, 2007 @ 9:04 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
wiccked


Posts: 12,238
i have to agree, Heaven, as much as i don't want to...............
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Apr 15, 2007 @ 2:42 AM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
twotall911


Posts: 12,699
not me
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Apr 16, 2007 @ 6:29 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Say_Yes


Posts: 2,077
The problem is the need to match up on so many different levels for it all to work without a huge effort of compromise. Now throw in the 'chemistry' thing and it's a wonder we older folks find long term matches at all, once the overriding need to procreate is removed from the mix, and its ability to lubricate so many of the rough spots.

Experience has taught us lots about what we need and what we can't tolerate, so on the plus side we're less likely to choose as unwisely as many of us have in the past, but on the minus side, no matter how large the pool of possible partners is, our criteria now limit that number to a really small one.

I wish that I had added a lot of the above into my original post. As we age, we become even more set in our ways. We become very comfortable to the person that we have become and change is more difficult for us to even consider, much less attempt. Look at all the posts you see here in the various forums about how people want to be accepted for the person that they are and how others, should change to accept them. These people never consider changing themselves, they only condemn those who reject them.

The problem is that if we compromise too much on what we desire in a mate, then the person is no longer compatible or a good match. The relationship is much more likely to fail and once again, we find ourselves either in an unhappy realtionship, or going through another divorce. If we don't compromise, then are we doomed to be alone forever? I really don't have the answer to that. I can say though, that I would rather be single and looking, than married and miserable.

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Apr 16, 2007 @ 8:13 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
wiccked


Posts: 12,238
my thoughts exactly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Apr 16, 2007 @ 9:33 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Heaveninawildflower


Posts: 22,725
Personally, I've said before that my ideal situation would be to have the love of my life living next door to me. I'm pretty happy with the situation I'm in right now though, getting along great and we live on the same street, just a few miles away from each other (five minutes on the freeway). I only hope he's satisfied with the arrangement, but only time will tell.

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Apr 16, 2007 @ 10:41 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
wiccked


Posts: 12,238
Heaven, you are so lucky !!!!!!!
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Apr 17, 2007 @ 11:47 AM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
donna65806


Posts: 5,824
I do believe there is men really wanting a relationship, therefore I will just keep my eyes open, if its meant to be, it will happen, if not I am ok with that.
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Apr 18, 2007 @ 3:46 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
FeliciVagano


Posts: 2,152
seriously, I would like "a relationship" if.........



And there is the rub...

(as been noted in other posts ..) too many if's have come into the equation.. As I am on the back 1/2 of life and have discovered that nothing, in the end, really matters, therefore, what matters is what is done in the here and now..

I make no long term plans for the future ( except for those things having an impact on my grown children) , I make no promises, and I have no regrets..

Guess I want it all..and will not settle nor compromise...

(I also reserve the right to change my outlook any time that it seems to be needing changing... )

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Apr 18, 2007 @ 7:54 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
nightrider3281


Posts: 702
this one is , i am to old to go door to door. lol
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Apr 18, 2007 @ 8:21 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Heaveninawildflower


Posts: 22,725
(I also reserve the right to change my outlook any time that it seems to be needing changing... )


Eggzackly. Nothing's written in stone. My headline's never say never, cuz you never know. A year ago I said I'd probably never retire, now I can't wait.
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Apr 22, 2007 @ 9:29 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Eldermint


Posts: 108
Sorry to barge in but maybe I'm just different. I don't NEED sex; there are toys on the market if it gets that bad. I do NEED love. I have a couple of wonderful female friends to do things with and that solves the temporary need for someone to talk to, someone to connect with, but it's temporary. I want intimacy, not just sex.

One day I'll find someone (one of those friends said this) whose baggage I can handle and she can handle mine. If we've gotten this far and been in a relationship, we have baggage for sure. We hope it's light but maybe not. But whatever it's like, if you're going to relate to someone, it has to fit. That means you have to know yourself well enough to recognize your baggage and read the signs in someone else.

Getting jaded is the problem. It's not something you just accept. When you see the problem, fix it (Martian 101, Standard Textbook, pp 42ff)
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Apr 22, 2007 @ 10:34 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
BandTMom


Posts: 38,549
Great post, Elder!! I like the way you think!

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Apr 23, 2007 @ 5:08 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
Say_Yes


Posts: 2,077
Sorry to barge in but maybe I'm just different. I don't NEED sex; there are toys on the market if it gets that bad. I do NEED love. I have a couple of wonderful female friends to do things with and that solves the temporary need for someone to talk to, someone to connect with, but it's temporary. I want intimacy, not just sex.

I never said that the NEED we have, can't be filled by other means. I simply stated that men have the NEED. If you can meet those needs, via toys, then so be it. The need was there. That was my point.

As for the rest, well duh! Of course, I have those wants and needs as well. My point was that the NEED that a man has for sex, is different from the NEED that a woman has. We both need intimacy, companionship, friends, etc. I never meant to imply otherwise.

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Apr 23, 2007 @ 8:50 PM Middle aged men, do you really want a relationship?    
stormbay


Posts: 694
I agree with Say_yes and most of the blokes who have posted here. I'm sick of having to cope with someone else's kids and once the women thinks she has you, you just become someone to whine to, when their kids have had enough of them. But like others, you have no say, are expected to take last place, even if the kids have lives of their own. Your still last in line, so how can you have a relationship with women, when it appears they are so entrenched with having a relationship with themselves and their illusions. Most women around my age are just fat, lazy and have no interest in having a life of adventure. All they want is to control and meddle in their kids lives and eat, eat, eat, shop, shop, shop.

The first thing that turns me of is, “my family is important to me”, which really means, you'll just be there to use when I need you. I have a wonderful life, live in one of the last free and secure paradises on the planet. Have financial security and travel a lot. But all women seem to want with travel, is 5 star and shops. I travel by boat and road and enjoy nature and meeting new people in out of the way and isolated places, but women freak when you tell them that.

All they want is what they have and what you have, not what you do or want to do. As for sex, to me and most blokes I know, sure its important, but having a willing friend and partner in your life, is much more important. Sadly women have other agenda's and they don't seem to fit with what blokes over 50 want.

Who wants to spend their lives repeating your days over and over, getting sick and ending up in home rotting away. I would have thought, there would be more women, who had a very healthy lifestyle, to increase their ability to enjoy life. But no that doesn't appear to be the case, all they want, is to delude themselves into believing they can have everything the want and remain the same overweight, unhealthy and be loved.
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