| Feb 13 @ 7:21 PM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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foreveryoung4866
Posts: 3
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HI ALL: I have a question..When is a child/kid too old to move back home? The guy I am seeing has a daughter that is 27 years old and has always lived between her dad's house and her mother's house. Never once has this CHILD tried to live on her own..Well, I take that back. I understand that she and a "friend" jointly rented an apartment ((in her name)) and this "friend" moved his GIRLfriend in with them and THEN the two of them moved out and left my friends daughter holding the bag. I could go on and on about the stupidity of this KID. She seems to have absolutely NO regard for anyone else but herself. Heck, she even convinced her mother to not only let her move back in but bring her dead beat boyfriend with her. The mother said she would have to pay $300. a month rent. Big Deal. To begin with the kid should have never asked her mother to allow the moving in of her boyfriend. NOW...grrrr...there has always been friction between the mother, daughter (KID) and the kid's boyfriend..the kid never considered that she was living with her mother, under her roof and with the house rules. She still wanted to throw her screaming meany fits and then go running back to her dad with what "MOMMY and her step-father has done" to her. What pisses me off is that he lISTENS..I told him that if I called my "X" and whined about what our daughter had done while living under my roof, he would have simply said,"I don't want to hear about it, you asked her to move in". and then hang up. There is absolutely NO reason, with the exception of health or accident, that he should ever have a conversation with his X or his daughter when it was related to the KID moving in with her mother.
The KID and her "heart throb" are now moving to Lexington Ky and moving in with one of their friends. Her heart throb is supposedly going to join the service while in Kentucky..WELL DUH!! guess what is gonna happen? Her heart throb joins the service and leaves the KID in a foreign land and what does the KID DO? Well, of course, call her DADDY and ask him to come and get her and then promptly move in with him.
I told my "friend" that when that happened, I would not be coming to see him very much because I couldn't bear to see the KID alias "the pig" trash the house that he and I worked so hard to get into good shape. He promptly told me not to ask him to make a choice between the KID or him..well back to the original question...When is a CHILD/KID too old to come back home? If she was said off work and drawing unemployment and couldn't afford to live on her own..well..maybe for a little while. But just because she WANTS a house and expects her dad to take care of her/rescue her...NOPE, and NO way.
Thanks for listening to me moan..   
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| Feb 13 @ 10:15 PM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home? |
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home_nuff_alrdy
Posts: 772
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LOL
When the guy told you not to make him "make a choice between the two of you" you shoulda dropped him like a hot potato!!
The adult child will never be too old to come back home. She's daddy's girl...and therefore, will alwaz be welcome to move in!!
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| Feb 14 @ 8:00 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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MuskogeeBill
Posts: 599
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When the guy told you not to make him "make a choice between the two of you" you shoulda dropped him like a hot potato!!
I agree. For HIS sake. You may advise a friend but dictate? No way. His house his rules. We all hate to see our friends make mistakes but it is never our place to TELL them what to do. 
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| Feb 14 @ 10:08 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home? |
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foreveryoung4866
Posts: 3
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Good Morning Home_Nuff_alrdy:
Well, I have had the exact same thoughts..Tell him good bye..I'm giving it a little time to see if the KID comes back from KY with hat in hand..What I AM doing now is to wean myself from him, in other words BACKING OFF somewhat, and prepare myself for the possibility of the moving back into the nest. He and I have many things in common and enjoy so much things together. I am hoping, keeping my fingers crossed and whatever that those things will be in the fore front of his mind and the move won't happen. However, if it does..it does. I understand his statement that I should not ask him to make a choice, because I feel the same way. The only difference is, my children would never ask. Unless they fell on hard times, I.e. lost jobs, health issues etc they know that there would be so many rules about helping for the good of the whole, they would seriously consider their request. Don't get me wrong, I love both my children with all my heart and soul but when would they ever grow up and face the world as an adult, if everytime they hit a bump in the road..they came running home with their tails between their legs?
His KID has a cocky attitude and thinks that she knows more than anyone else. ((A lot of us are like that))....she doesn't know her place at times. An adult would, I think.
I think he wants to save his KID from any sadness/hardship etc. because he left her mother when she was a teenager and that he feels as though this would be a way to make up for that. Come on get a life....his "X" was having an affair..she chose her bed.
I know there are always two sides to a story. I know that his side would always been leaning against HER..but I think there was a reason that she felt the need to "find someone else" that would give her the things she needed..so I am not naive and can see how things could be.
I am having a Murphy Law's day and it seems everything I touch is a calamity waiting to happen. I will close this before I crash my computer..lol..Thanks again for your response.
God Bless you all
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| Feb 14 @ 10:13 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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foreveryoung4866
Posts: 3
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Good Morning Muskeegee Bill
I guess it did appear that I was "bossing" or over advising him. Perhaps I was a little and was trying to save my heart over his daughter's codependency. Because time doesn't allow me to go through the whole conversation with him, in this forum..I will put it in a nutshell. I simply stated that his daughter was 27 years old and when was he going to help her grow up instead of helping her to remain codependent? She is a KID in an adult skin ..... How will she ever learn how to pick herself up, dust herself off and move to the next challenge in life if she knows dad or mommy is always there to rescue her?
Is it the sign of a mature adult to play mommy against daddy using the telephone? Then she sits back, let's them "duke it out" and she comes out smelling like a rose..that is just not healthy. Call me bossy or controlling, but that is just not normal.
thanks for taking time to listen
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| Feb 14 @ 11:43 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home? |
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Gallows_Humor
Posts: 13,645
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seems to me ...that your mind is already made up..and you just want people to say that you are in the right... 
(the daughter and her boyfriend )are now moving to Lexington Ky and moving in with one of their friends. Her (boyfriend) is supposedly going to join the service while in Kentucky..
...WELL DUH!! guess what is gonna happen? Her heart throb joins the service and leaves the KID in a foreign land and what does the KID DO? Well, of course, call her DADDY and ask him to come and get her and then promptly move in with him.
and you know this to be a fact??
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| Feb 16 @ 8:52 PM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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pomegranate
Posts: 1,676
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When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
Would the day you drop them off at kindergarten be too soon? LOL 
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| Feb 17 @ 12:36 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home? |
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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 if my child EVER needed to come home, i would welcome him-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!After all, i AM a MOTHER 
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| Feb 22 @ 8:54 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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JenRNinOhio
Posts: 4,157
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Every situation is different ..
And we as individuals, see / feel differently about these situations.
The grown *child* SHOULD be responsible for him/herself and continues to go home to be cared for by the parent ... brings a partner & / or kids into that parent's home ... Expects the parent to continue to provide financially while adding nothing ... This *grown child* has not learned to be self responsible & finds it easy to use Daddy or Mommy and just skate through life ...
If this were MY kid ...I would feel the responsibility of doing whatever it took to keep him/her safe, fed, housed, etc ... And attempt to instill some adult-like life style education. ... Because I love my kids beyond anything or anyone.
If it were HIS kid ... I would probably have the gut reaction that he is being used. ... The very first gut reaction feeling ..Then ... I would TRY to see the situation through HIS eyes, through HIS heart.
And my two adult children not only know they are welcome home at any time ... I remind them frequently about the finished basement that could easily be made into a little apartment ..
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| Feb 26 @ 12:51 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home? |
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valleyrose
Posts: 30
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My son lived with me for a space of time. But he cleaned and cooked and held down a job. When he could he got an apt of his own. Funny about then I was downsized fom my job and needed him with me to help out and he moved anyway. so you see. Kids need to be on their own but this young woman will never get it together if mom and dad let her keep being a kid. time to fill the nest with rocks and make it uncomfortable for her to stay. Tell her to get a job, then an apt and a car. teach her to like freedom. But do not enable her to be a bum. that is not good for dad, Mom or you.
Forever, the guy needs to decide when he has had enough. He may get there with little hnudges from you but that may not work cause it may harm your goals. Value yourself, be an example to this "kid" and do what you know you need to do in your heart. Seems like you are a good mom and really could be a good friend to both this dad and daughter.
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| Mar 28 @ 5:42 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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daisy315
Posts: 4,946
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a grown child should be able to return home under certain curcmstances if the parent is agreeable. BUT, they should help with bills and household chores. And I don't think that their bf/gf should be coming with them..
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| Apr 1 @ 3:37 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home? |
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southernlass
Posts: 2,211
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When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
Never.
My daughter will always be welcome, no matter her age. And I wouldn't be involved with anyone who felt otherwise.
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| Apr 3 @ 10:30 AM |
When is a CHILD/Kid too old to come back home?
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pamdemonium
Posts: 17,347
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All things being equal, meaning they contribute in a way that's good for all parties, and they're not disruptive, they should always be allowed.
There was a study not too terribly long ago. When posed the question which was a more permanent person in your life, your spouse or your children, your children was the overwhelming answer. Do not go up against that relationship. You will not win.
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