| Mar 4, 2006 @ 2:16 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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FunPartner
Posts: 33
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I've visited match.com and seen the same people. I am searching for a life partner. Are the men? or just looking for a quickie? I don't do it on the first date, maybe not the 2nd - if there is some kind of chemistry, then maybe I just might on the first date. Usually doesn't turn out ok, but 2/4 have. Women, do you put out if there is a chance of something happening for long term? That's what I'm after.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 4:43 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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george3
Posts: 271
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I personally am not out for sex but wouldn't turn it down if offered. I would prefer more than that.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 5:18 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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BreezNthru
Posts: 12
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FunPartner....good question. I think there used to be some rules for dating but now I think it's whatever works for the two people involved.
I have only met one man that I went the distance for on the first date. I have no regrets and it turned into an on again, off again situtation because of distance. I learned a lot about myself, it was a win-win deal for me.
Wish I could meet someone one else that just knocks my socks [and various other articles of clothing] off. 
I am going to make sure that I keep checking this thread in hopes of learning something about men and what they want and need.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 6:02 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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There are men who are looking for a life partner, and there are men who are looking for just sex, and frankly either of the two can switch intentions when you meet.
When you meet, given the proper chemistry a man who is just looking for sex can find himself wanting you for a life partner, although this is unlikely.
Given a lack of chemistry, the man who is looking for a life partner may find himself just wanting to have sex with you. It's difficult to argue with the little head.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 6:08 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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FunPartner - if there is a chance for something happening, i.e. long term, then do yourself a favor and DON'T put out! Call me old fashioned if you like, I don't mind a bit, but I've always subscribed to the notion that if it's worth having, it's worth waiting (and working) for. In addition to all the other qualities I look for in a prospective partner, I want one that I can respect. While having sex on a first date is definitely not a deal breaker in that respect, it DOES lessen the odds of it turning into something long term.
You want someone that wants you for YOU, for who you are. He's got to like your personality, your wit, your charm, all the things that make up the person you are OUTSIDE of the bedroom. If you have sex on the first date, regardless of any "chemistry" you feel, how is it possible to know that he wants you for you, and not just for the sex. Sure, sex is great, and it'll keep him coming back - but for what reason.
Now, conversely, if you DON'T have sex on the first date...or even for several more dates after that...and he keeps coming back, tell me - WHY do you think he'd be coming back then? Can't be for the sex, he's not getting any. So it must be because he really wants to see YOU! See you, talk with you, simply BE with you - and if that's the case, the sex will come soon enough (no pun intended).
So, my advice:
In a word (yes AngelLight I know that's 4 words made into 14) -
...WAIT
There are men who are looking for a life partner, and there are men who are looking for just sex, and frankly either of the two can switch intentions when you meet.
Good point, Greystone - you're absolutely right!
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 6:43 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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Now, conversely, if you DON'T have sex on the first date...or even for several more dates after that...and he keeps coming back, tell me - WHY do you think he'd be coming back then? Can't be for the sex, he's not getting any. So it must be because he really wants to see YOU! See you, talk with you, simply BE with you - and if that's the case, the sex will come soon enough (no pun intended).
On the other hand, it may have him wondering if you are a prude, if you are not interested in sex, or if you use sex to manipulate.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 9:08 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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But if you DO have sex right away, he'll know your not a prude or uninterested in sex, but he still may think you use sex to manipulate.
And if you DON'T have sex right away, I still think it's more than just possible to let him know, without even saying so, that you are not a prude, nor are you uninterested in sex.
(Thinking right now about someone I know in another city. We've never had sex in the 3 1/2 years since we met, but if/when that day ever comes......OMG!!!!! Better look for my name in the next morning's obituaries.....this lady - WOW! - I've just never sensed the degree of sensuality present in this lady in anyone else....just unbelievable....there are no words......uh....excuse me, I'm going to go take a VERY cold shower.....)
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 9:35 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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Jankia
Posts: 11,915
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With no disrespect to you FunPartner I dont get is why you asked this question just on the over 50 thread.
In my own opinion we gents that are over 50 are interested in more than just sex.Not to sound like an old man but we seriously dont have another 50 years left,maybe 25 if we are lucky.
Yes,we want sex,any man who doesnt is either a liar or has another problem.Its natural to want what you do not have.
If the right woman were to come around,personally I think all of us over 50 are more than willing to wait beyond the first few dates to share intimacy with a lady we enjoy.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 11:07 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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(Thinking right now about someone I know in another city. We've never had sex in the 3 1/2 years since we met, but if/when that day ever comes......OMG!!!!!
3 1/2 years? Brace yourself for a big shock: That day is NEVER going to come.
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| Mar 4, 2006 @ 11:58 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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sunchaser59
Posts: 528
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You aren't serious, right?
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| Mar 5, 2006 @ 12:01 AM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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sunchaser59
Posts: 528
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Nah, guys don't care about sex as much as females think they do.
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| Mar 5, 2006 @ 12:42 AM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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3 1/2 years? Brace yourself for a big shock: That day is NEVER going to come.
Greystone - You're not telling me anything I don't already know...I mean, we've gotten sooooo close - well, if I wrote my book about the how's, what's, & why's of what's going on, you'd understand. But yeah, I've already told myself it's never going to happen, and I'm alright with that.
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| Mar 5, 2006 @ 1:14 AM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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FunPartner
Posts: 33
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I've felt that "click" and done it a few times on the first date- but I usually wait and they never seem to call back unless I put out- then they want more. I'm starting to wonder what is wrong with me
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| Mar 5, 2006 @ 1:26 AM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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JesterDrawers
Posts: 11,116
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Most likely there's NOTHING wrong with you, other than the fact you haven't found the right guy. That "click" you felt - are you sure they felt it, too? To the same degree? Are they coming back for MORE than the sex? Only you can answer these things. If the ones you sleep with on that first date keep coming back, and the ones you DON'T sleep with don't come back - it would lead me to believe that most likely most of those that do come back are "looking for one thing." I could be wrong; like I said, only you can answer that for sure.
But I'd be inclined, given what you said, to MAKE them wait...and when you find the one that comes back regardless, well - all else being equal - you should have yourself a "keeper". Good luck!
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| Mar 5, 2006 @ 5:12 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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but I usually wait and they never seem to call back unless I put out- then they want more.
Possibly you are "putting out" for all the incorrect reasons? If you desire sex, go for it because YOU desire sex not because the male you are with MAY become a life long partner if you do indulge.
In the event you do desire a romp and the he then becomes that life partner.......great. If not, you have experienced a very pleasant evening of sexual fulfillment (hopefully).
If you do "put out" they want more.....Are you stating they desire more of you sexually? That's not at all a bad thing, you must be providing pleasure which of course is a good and positive thing. If they desire more of you as in per a relationship, there you go, your on your way to that life partner......Simply an opinion.
Long term sexual friends are great if that's what one is seeking. Sex is a portion of a health lifestyle.....You may desire to keep it simple, often times it much more fun that way.
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| Mar 5, 2006 @ 8:04 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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sunchaser59
Posts: 528
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Women, do you put out if there is a chance of something happening for long term?
Not sure if this is  or not but...
Hi FunPartner,
Noooo, I "put out" when I want to and it has nothing to do with if there is a chance of something happening long term.  I, also, don't worry about whether or not he will respect me in the morning. Maybe I won't respect him but what the H, E, double L. 
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| Mar 6, 2006 @ 8:26 AM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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destiny_watcher
Posts: 12
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One thing I have discovered is if you write and tell repliers that sex to you is like putting the cart before the horse they don't understand that. To me that means lovemaking is really leading right into sex. I still uphold the traditional moral way to be as, keep sex in check. Get to meet and have a few meetings over coffee, and outings before you get into the physical embracing seriously. Get to see if that horse is really what you want as your life mate. Why keep a horse who won't pull the cart (being your heart and the real meaning of true love). I am an Aquarius and its the realistic thinking I give here.
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| Mar 7, 2006 @ 3:18 AM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,622
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Well, if he's NOT interested in sex, the odds are very good that I wouldn't be interested in him. It's much too integral a part of living for me to not consider that to be a major part of the equation. If I don't react to him, or more accurately, I don't detect a reaction from him (sometimes it's slower for me), there's no point to pursuing anything but a friendship.
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| Mar 7, 2006 @ 9:23 PM |
Are men on this just for sex?
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enigma1083
Posts: 8
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If your wondering what's wrong. I would try looking at your profile. To me it paints a picture of a demanding woman, I'm sure that is a false picture, but, if you have that image it sure makes it easier to treat someone as a non-person
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| Mar 10, 2006 @ 5:36 PM |
Are men on this just for sex? |
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Wyvern75
Posts: 1
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In a lot of ways the "net" and the various dating forums are like dating in high school and college. There are times when things seem to click for you and just don't click as much for the other person. There are a lot of frogs out there to meet, have coffee with and in some cases kiss, but not all turn out right. If you aren't comfortable with "going all the way", or whatever then don't. The dating game hasn't changed all that much. You just have to be aware that the sex angle is a little more prominient when dating other adults.
Lots of luck, the person you want will show up eventually.
I've felt that "click" and done it a few times on the first date- but I usually wait and they never seem to call back unless I put out- then they want more. I'm starting to wonder what is wrong with me
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