| May 10, 2007 @ 9:39 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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Philldo
Posts: 6
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OK OK I know I am probably going to read alot of mean crap in responce to this but in hopes some actual advice comes out of it here goes.
A little background:
1st marriage- 3 kids, wife destroyed my credit and well with 3 kids 50% of my cash gets to go to her :)
2nd wife- seemed to love me for me untill I lost my job with the government due to 1st wife wrecking my credit. Talked me into being a big rig driver, I go, come back off the road to be dumped.
Next relationship (I know im going to hear it for this one)- My ex boss at a military base and his wife were having problems and she asked me for help, started hanging out with me while i would talk to him on msn, he said with her behind me that he didnt want her no more and well.. she suddenly wanted me to be with her. within 2 weeks she had me living with her, told me to stay home and help with her kids and she would take care of everything else, and stupidly wanting so badly to be loved I did it. Now moving forward she has sent me packing like 5 times and its been 8 months. Now im home again and its 2 weeks before the husband (divorce has been filed mind you) is coming back. Seems little to convienent to me. Told me she wants to spend the weekends with me to see if we can "work our relationship out" but there isnt any problem other then my feelings of the writting being on the wall due to her asking him to be with her again like 2 or 3 times. So anyhow I leave and now the weekend thing suddenly vanishes within 1 day.
Anyhow this is a majorly shortened version of my problem(s) and now,
My questions are:
What would you do with a piece of work like I just described?
Is there women out there that love you for you and not what you can offer them? Because Im tired of being stepped on and really dont have much of my heart left to give.
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| May 10, 2007 @ 2:07 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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steveemac
Posts: 2,335
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What would you do with a piece of work like I just described?
To quote Pink Floyd: "Run Like Hell" You are infinitely better off alone than being with any one of those three.
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| May 10, 2007 @ 5:02 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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Is there women out there that love you for you and not what you can offer them? Because Im tired of being stepped on and really dont have much of my heart left to give.
But getting stepped on IS you? It's who you are... AND what you offer. You don't seem to be able to make your own decisions - you're here now asking for someone to decide what's next for you. When YOU decide YOU will be in control of your life, you will be. As long as you need help and let people convince you to do things, you aren't very appealing AND you don't have anything to offer. You're just someone that people can control (you know this already).
Get some strength - read some self-help books or something... Don't look for anyone new for a while... work on yourself. It's not about what's in your pocket, it's about what's in your head. Good luck! 
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| May 11, 2007 @ 5:02 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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xxxie
Posts: 38
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wow, blunt and to the point aren't ya? However, it is good advice. We all control our lives more than we give credit for. I know it's hard dude, you have been hurt pretty bad, but right now you need time to heal and find that power inside yourself, confidence. Then, when you are able to offer something for yourself, you will be able to offer something to someone else. I understand that everyone needs emotional support during times like that, but you have to recognize that you determine how people treat you...you control how you want to be treated just by choosing the people you surround yourself with. Like Rocky said, you hang out with coconuts, you get coconut friends. You hang out with smart people, you get smart friends. Sorry to use a reference from Rocky, but the philosophy is very true. Work on healing yourself to who you want to be.
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| May 11, 2007 @ 11:52 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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Philldo
Posts: 6
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:) fair enough.
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| May 12, 2007 @ 12:22 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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ad33
Posts: 67
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When YOU decide YOU will be in control of your life, you will be. Good advice Pete
I'd sooner do without than have someone yank me around like that.
Don't mean to sound crude, but step out of your comfort zone; get your own place and be in charge. This is a good step in the right direction.
And will make you feel  
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| May 12, 2007 @ 4:01 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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Philldo
Posts: 6
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hey pete makes perfect sence to me. I agree I tend to just say ok to whatever happens to me and just deal. But anyhow ty pete I told her to get bent (in more polite words not that it was deserved) I already knew what I wanted to do sadly but I had to just throw the situation out there to make sure if that makes sence. TY guys.
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| May 12, 2007 @ 7:04 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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ad33
Posts: 67
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| May 12, 2007 @ 12:08 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,625
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Take the time to get your credit back in order, pay attention to your children too.
Then get a good job. Get your life back in order before you can give to another person.
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| May 12, 2007 @ 12:47 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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Pete73052
Posts: 19,370
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hey pete makes perfect sence to me. I agree I tend to just say ok to whatever happens to me and just deal.
We all go through that - well, at least I've been through it. We just have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move forward.
But anyhow ty pete I told her to get bent (in more polite words not that it was deserved) I already knew what I wanted to do sadly but I had to just throw the situation out there to make sure if that makes sence. TY guys.
You've made the right choice here. You have much more strength than you know... let it carry you and you will be fine.
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| Feb 18 @ 6:32 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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MoBettaRetta
Posts: 19
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I hope it's not too late to post my response, so I am going to reply to this anyways!
Next relationship (I know im going to hear it for this one)- My ex boss at a military base and his wife were having problems and she asked me for help, started hanging out with me while i would talk to him on msn, he said with her behind me that he didnt want her no more and well.. she suddenly wanted me to be with her. within 2 weeks she had me living with her, told me to stay home and help with her kids and she would take care of everything else, and stupidly wanting so badly to be loved I did it.
Dealing with a married person is a "no-no," but if you're going to date that person, at least wait until the divorce papers are filed and for the legal separation to be official.
People must be nuts to move with someone after dating someone after two weeks into the relationship. I just don't get that mentality.
Most "strong" people seek "strong" people. It's called "Survival of the Fittest." I mean strength in every sense of the word - not in how much weight you can lift, but how strong one is emotionally, financially, and mentally. For the others who aren't so "strong," some of those people prefer to seek others who are weaker than they are so they can feel better about themselves. Sorry to say this, Phildo, but you set yourself up for that one. One should never move in with someone unless he/she is prepared to take care of oneself if the move-in relationship goes bad. This is not my opinion, it is common sense. Common sense tells you that you should always look both ways before crossing the street. It's the same thing with marriage. Why do you think alimony exists? It is for the women or men who can't support themselves because they were never able to take care of themselves to begin with.
1st marriage- 3 kids, wife destroyed my credit and well with 3 kids 50% of my cash gets to go to her :)
Is there women out there that love you for you and not what you can offer them? Because Im tired of being stepped on and really dont have much of my heart left to give.
It seems like you are not in a very good place in life right now. I suggest that you need to focus time on healing from your burned relationsips and on your children. Allow yourself some time to save some money, too. It looks like you really need to re-build your life and your credit and there is nothing wrong with taking a time-out for that.
Again, strong people seek others who are also strong. Yes, there are women who seek "sugar daddies," but for the rest of the "quality" women, we need someone who can not just only could provide for themselves, but someone who could eventually provide for a family when the time comes. I know it's hard for one person to support a whole family in this day in age, but if a guy can provide for at least 60 percent of the household, that is a good thing.
I hope things will be better for you in 2009, Philldo.
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| Feb 20 @ 6:12 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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markissss
Posts: 14
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quit feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and be a man...sheesh! No stable woman will ever want to be with an unstable person. It is not so much as "survival of the fittest" as it is "birds of a feather flock together."
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| Feb 21 @ 12:59 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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MrsBackside
Posts: 7
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Suck it up...walk it off. Step up...be a man. Get a job. Support your kids and be a positive influence in their lives. Only then will you be able to be a partner, lover, or husband to a good woman.
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| Feb 21 @ 8:55 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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WouldntItBeGr8To
Posts: 958
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Only then will you be able to be a partner, lover, or husband to a good woman.
That is the biggest pile of crap I have ever heard 
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| Feb 24 @ 9:02 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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BBW4u2hold
Posts: 49
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True love someone will love you no matter what. It isn about what you make or how much money you have. Trust me I have a past some what that matches yours. I always get you are a nice person have a lot to offer but I think we should be friends. lol. I look at it as a crock of crap. The right one is out there but it will be like searching for a needle in a hay stack. But in time and when the time is right. You will find her. I can relate about being hurt and not having much of a heart left to offer. Trust me!! Hope this helps.
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| Feb 25 @ 2:45 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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MrsBackside
Posts: 7
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That is the biggest pile of crap I have ever heard.
Oh really. You did read the part where I said "a good woman".
Because so far, as he tells it, he's been involved with three crazies. So I was merely suggesting in not so many words, that he suck it up (take his lumps in this last relationship with the on and off again married woman), walk it off (move on from this on and off again relationship), and put his time into his work and his children.
So, Mr "WouldntItBeGr8to" in case you haven't realized this, "good women" find a man who's employed, and a great dad, a good potential partner, lover, or husband.
It's not crap. It's a fact. Get over it.
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| Feb 25 @ 11:02 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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markissss
Posts: 14
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philldo and BBW4u, sitting in a tree....
and MrWouldNotbegreat...what planet are you from?
 "buffy"
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| Feb 25 @ 4:55 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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MrsBackside
Posts: 7
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Hugs Mark
and yes...what planet is he from?..lol
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| Feb 26 @ 7:16 AM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman?
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MoBettaRetta
Posts: 19
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That is the biggest pile of crap I have ever heard
Gee, apparently WouldntItBeGr8To doesn't know that positive people make positive partners. If you're capable of taking care of yourself and your responsibilies, such as your children, mortgage/rent, job, etc., then this is proof-positive that you could be capable of taking care of or even caring for someone else.
True love someone will love you no matter what. It isn about what you make or how much money you have. Trust me I have a past some what that matches yours. I always get you are a nice person have a lot to offer but I think we should be friends. lol. I look at it as a crock of crap. The right one is out there but it will be like searching for a needle in a hay stack. But in time and when the time is right. You will find her. I can relate about being hurt and not having much of a heart left to offer. Trust me!! Hope this helps.
Sorry, BBW4u2hold, but love does NOT conquer all. We all would like to think that way, but love does not pay the bills, put a roof over your head, or does not put food in your mouth.
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| Feb 26 @ 2:25 PM |
Does love exist when you cant support a woman? |
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BBW4u2hold
Posts: 49
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But not everything should be about MONEY Either!! So you may have to go without a few things There Is Nothing Wrong With That!! Money doesn't buy Love and it sure in the hell doesn't buy true happiness Either!! But when there is True Love it does help to get through HARD TIMES!! That is when the woman should also go out and do what she can to help her MAN!!! It should not all fall on the MAN!! We are fully capable of working too. That is why we are EQUAL!!
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