| Jun 2, 2007 @ 11:01 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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Ok, now I know I should have just gone to the party, at least then I wouldn't have been able to read my email and I would be in a good mood.
Twice in the last three or four weeks I have heard from friends saying they met someone. One was a voice mail, saying he met someone, he won't be calling me and for me not to email him not even joke emails, as she can check his email and phone. This was a few days before my birthday..of course he remembered that as he was ending the message and wished me a happy birthday...yeah ok whatever. I am happy that he met someone, but we have been nothing but friends for 2 years. We didn't have cyber or phone sex, nothing even close to that, we were just friends. We haven't even met, he lives in Oregon and I live here, so how could I be a threat to his relationship? That one didn't bother me as much as the email I got a little bit ago.
A guy from Fort Lauderdale that I have been friends with for almost 5 years met someone. We have met a few times over the years at car shows in Old Town and a few bike/car shows between Leesburg and Naples. We meet, hang out at the shows, get something to eat, go our separate ways. Again, there has never been anything sexual about our relationship, just friends that like to hang out a couple of times a year. Now his email was almost the same as the voice mail one. Only thing different is he told me he is taking me off of his messenger list too as he didn't want to chance her seeing me on there. Both of them asked me not to respond to the email or voice mails as they didn't want to chance getting caught. Getting caught doing what? Telling a friend you met someone??
What I guess I don't understand is if I am no threat at all, why does the friendship have to end? The one out in OR I don't have that much of an issue with, but Chris I do. He is my car show buddy, someone I have been able to be the tomboy around and drool over cars and bikes. I guess I am just hurting because I am losing a really good friend. Maybe I am being selfish in a way, I want him to be happy, but at the same time I am going to miss him a lot and I don't want that...lol
So, my question to you all....IF you met someone, would you give up all your female or male friends just in case it causes a problem?
I have been in the controlling jealous relationship and I for one, would never give up all my friends for anyone ever again. I am always upfront with guys and tell them, I have a lot of friends that are men, but that is all they are, friends. If they have a problem with that, I would rather know upfront then a year down the line. I would never ask a guy to give up his female friends because of me. When I am with someone, I am with the whole package, not just the person. In my mind, your partner should be able to keep their own friends and have their own me time with their friends. We do not have to be joined at the hip, 24/7. Plus, if I am with someone, I trust them and don't question them on who their friends are. Again in my mind, how can you have a real relationship without trust?
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| Jun 2, 2007 @ 11:23 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol |
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jfreak68
Posts: 1,184
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Nope never again will I give up any friends for anyone, just isn't going to happen... I tell people up front about that, there are certain people I will not stop talking to period, if ya don't like it tuff!!!!
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| Jun 3, 2007 @ 9:17 AM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol
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Blondiblue
Posts: 88
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I choose my friends, not anyone else can do that for me. Friends are still there when the guy is gone....
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| Jun 3, 2007 @ 12:15 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol |
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honeybear285
Posts: 186
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Hi Witchietoo... First let me say that I am sorry that you have had this heartbreaking experience. You are completely right that trust is at the root of all relationships, whether friends, coworkers, family, and of deeper relationships that may lead to sharing your life and love with someone. Personally, I, like you, fail to see the "threat" your relationship with your two male friends could have to their (for now?) girlfriends. It appears that both of these men only recently met these women, and now are willing to break off friendships that they have spend years developing. I, for one, would hate to be in a new relationship with someone that I felt so insecure about that I had to break off all communication with people of the opposite sex. You are a good person, Witchietoo, and please know that there are those of us who are wishing you healing. I am new to the sites here, but have been reading a lot of the blogs, and feel I know some of the regulars on this site, and care what happens to them. Here are some flowers to cheer you up. 
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| Jun 3, 2007 @ 2:22 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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Witchie I just discussing the very same topic form a different prespective with a friend the other day. In this case a close female friend recently started a relationship. She is head over heels happy with this guy which is wonderful , she deserves the happiness , but she has cut herself off from all of her friends. She would call me all the time to find out what I was doing on the weekends so she could come along. Since her sweetheart has come into her life , she never calls anymore. I have a difficult understanding this kind of behavior in males or females. I would be impossibly unhappy if the man I was with became the center of my universe and no one else mattered.
There should be a healthy balance in your life and friends are not someone you discard because you are now in a relationship. Thinking of these two men who are afraid that their ladies will know they are still communicating with you kind of sends up a red flag for me. It would show far more character on their part to simply say I have a female friend who is a part of my life and I want to be honest and let you know about her. Your oregon friend could introduce you to his new lady on line. Your car show buddy could invite you to go to a car show with both of them.
I was seeing a guy once who had a close female friend, I never asked him to stop that relationship, I was a bit jealous until I met her and we hit it off as well. They had a good solid friendship and I was happy she was in his life. I split up with him , and she and I still talk now and then.
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| Jun 3, 2007 @ 4:38 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol |
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jackf1950
Posts: 688
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this is only for me... but.....
if I was in a relationship, and felt so insecure in it that I was that possesive, well, I would not stay in it... if you don't "feel" trust, then move on....
OMHO
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| Jun 3, 2007 @ 8:34 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol
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fuchia04
Posts: 953
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I would NEVER give up any of my male OR female friends, if I ever met someone, or even if I married someone. I would in fact, tell the person I met that I had female friends and I would even introduce her to them. In the case of any online friends, I would say what website I frequented, and my screen name - and then I'd even try to encourage her to create her own account there so she could meet my online friends.  If she could not accept this, then it wouldn't be worth it to have a relationship with her. I don't understand how people can be so willing to get involved with someone who doesn't even trust them. Like you said Witchie, if there is no trust in a relationship, then there isn't going to be much of one to begin with. 
Anyone who expects another person to give up friends to be with them is really the one who is selfish. If you have a good friendship with someone, but there is no chance of you ever getting involved with that person, then IMHO, it is a very unreasonable request for any person you have a trusting relationship with to demand that you destroy a friendship with someone else, in order to be with them.
- the Fuchian
[Edited on 6/3/2007 9:58 PM]
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| Jun 4, 2007 @ 9:44 AM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol |
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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Thank you honeybear and welcome to the forums 
I know I have in the past given up my friends for my ex's....the first one was an alcholic and I tried to hide that from everyone. The 2nd was just a controlling jerk who was jealous of even my family. I swore I would never give up my friends again at that point.
I have a friend now that I have known for almost 10 years. We did have a relationship about 6 years ago. We both we going through a rough time and ended up together somehow. We came to realize that we really weren't right for each other and decided to save what was a very good friendship. We are still best friends to this day. He does have a girlfriend and I did worry at first she would try and stop our friendship, but she didn't. We did finally get to meet in person, she is a lot of fun to hang out with and a very nice person. She has never once questioned our relationship as she trusts him. He is head over heels in love with her and she knows I am not a threat. I am not the type of person that would try and tear them apart. They are very happy, love each other to pieces and that is all I can ask for.
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| Jun 4, 2007 @ 4:35 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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So, my question to you all....IF you met someone, would you give up all your female or male friends just in case it causes a problem?
Ok, lets see, with me ugly mug I have met Jfreak, Dove Witchie and Honbee and to date have NOT given up on all my other female and/or male friends since I met all of them at Cowboys (way back then) and to date I havent had any problems over that meeting of the minds so I guess my answer to the question is: NO
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| Jun 4, 2007 @ 5:04 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol |
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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Ok, lets see, with me ugly mug
 grrrrrrrrrrr brat 
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| Jun 4, 2007 @ 5:08 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Yeah I love you too Witchie!
..... Now about that Lei question
[Edited on 6/4/2007 5:38 PM]
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| Jun 4, 2007 @ 5:14 PM |
Don't even know how to title this one...lol |
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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Now about that Lei question
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