| Jul 1, 2007 @ 2:23 PM |
Are you too set in your ways
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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Well it is a very quiet day today and my mind has been wandering to a lot of different issues that I really need to deal with. One of which is what I am willing to do or give up for a relationship. We all set some kind of standard for what we want in a relationship or from a potential partner, but are they truly what we need or just what we want?
There are some things that no matter what, I will not budge on, such as respect, trust and honesty. In my mind you can not have a relationship without them. If you can not respect the person you can't really trust the person. Without honesty, how can you trust or respect someone that lies to you? Another thing is I will not bend to a total control freak. Been there, done that, will not do that again. There has to be some give from each person. A relationship to me is a partnership that needs to form with both people working toward a common goal.
There are something, yes I would change or give up for a person to some extent. Such as hair color...but don't ask me to cut it! I gave up the poodle look a long time ago.....lol Smoking is another thing. I had always said a man would just have to except it and deal with it. I am/was a very respectful smoker...never smoking in someones house that didn't smoke, not smoking around them, always having mints or whatever to mask it. When I quit, it was and still is for me, but a part of me also has to admit that it was for someone else too. I knew he hated the fact that I smoked and if I really wanted to see if there was a chance to be happy, it was the one thing that I could give on. It wasn't done due to the person, but he is part of my incentive to stay not smoking...lol I'm sure there are other things, but right now can't think of them off the top of my head.
So, if you found someone that meets most of your wants or needs, what are you willing to change or give up to help make the relationship work? If basically they were what you were looking for what would you expect them to give up or change for you?
[Edited on 7/1/2007 2:38 PM]
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| Jul 1, 2007 @ 2:51 PM |
Are you too set in your ways |
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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Of course there always needs to be give and take in a relationship for it to work. Compromise is at the heart of every successful relationship. For some its more difficult for others to let go to what they have been use to for so many years. I love for my home to be clean , when its not clean I feel unsettled. When an ex boyfriend and his tribe of two teenage sons moved in with me , I had a really hard time dealing with the chaos and havoc the boys brought with them. It made for a very unhappy me. I had to learn to be less obsessive about the house being spotless and they had to try to pitch in with the chores. It was tough but we reached a stage that worked for everyone.
Its very hard to give up personal habits for someone , like smoking and losing weight, drinking alchohol in excess. Those decisions have to come within yourself to be successful. I know the times I have tried to lose weight to please someone else has lead to failure and stress. When I have done it for me I work harder at it. I will however work toward a healthier life style with a partner that I know loves me as I am , will be supportive of my efforts and will not belittle my downfalls.
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| Jul 1, 2007 @ 4:56 PM |
Are you too set in your ways
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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Oh I know Dove, just curious to see what people are willing to bend on more then anything else. I don't have a problem at all with bending a little and working to make a loving, lasting relationship.
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| Jul 1, 2007 @ 6:28 PM |
Are you too set in your ways |
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fuchia04
Posts: 953
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In answer to your question Witchie...
I am a person that is used to having a lot of space and time to myself. With my ex-girlfriend, I really I had to make concessions with these issues. It took awhile for me to get use to sleeping in the same bed with her. For awhile we both would sleep on the floor until I got used to us sleeping in that bed together. What made it so hard to get used to, however, was the fact that the bed was only a twin. 
The time issue was similar. In my first relationship (which, for all intents, was the only one I ever had), I learned that you need to devote a lot of time to the relationship, if it is to succeed. For the right person, I'd be willing to give up A LOT of the space and time that I have for myself, and devote it to the one in my life.
My ex-girlfriend and I never lived together, so I think the hardest thing for me to do would be trying to... EEEECH!!! ...adjust to someone actually moving into my space. But, again, for the right person, I'd be willing to give it a try.
And what would I expect from her? Well basically not to complain about the jeans and T-shirts that I wear all the time...lol. I feel quite comfortable in them. You'd never get me to dress in button-down shirts on a daily basis. The very thought repulses me. Also, I'm not the cleanest person in the world; she'd have to accept my messy house. Then again, scratch that. I think I'd be willing to change from my sloppy ways. I know I would.
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| Jul 1, 2007 @ 11:20 PM |
Are you too set in your ways
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Kenn159
Posts: 4,402
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What made it so hard to get used to, however, was the fact that the bed was only a twin.
Reply
Yeah I know what you mean, when Laura and me go together I was living at a recording studio with no air-conditioning on the second floor living area , summer was just starting and where I lived the bed we shared was a twin.
I just remember getting very hot and felling cramped.
It wasn’t wide enough for both of us to lie on our backs or stomach; one would have to lie on their side to keep from falling off., I remember not sleeping very well at the beginning.
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Things I would give up for a relationship
I might consider moving .[of course I've considered that anyway]
What I wouldn't consider compromising on is honesty, it is a real biggie for me.
I really lose a lot of respect for someone if I find out they are a liar.
Treatment of people and other living things is a biggie to me also ,anything from being mean to animals ,to people ,meanness and disrespect for even a waitress in a restraint ,respect for others beyond yourself I think is important and is a deal breaker for me.
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| Jul 2, 2007 @ 8:46 AM |
Are you too set in your ways |
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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What I wouldn't consider compromising on is honesty, it is a real biggie for me.
I really lose a lot of respect for someone if I find out they are a liar.
Same here that is one of my biggest ones that I will not give up on.
For awhile we both would sleep on the floor until I got used to us sleeping in that bed together. What made it so hard to get used to, however, was the fact that the bed was only a twin
lol...too funny. It takes awhile for me to get use to someone sleeping with me. I end up waking up throughout the night for a bit. After that I am fine. The hardest part for me with sleeping with someone is getting use to someone touching me, you know like them rolling over and putting an arm over you. That is what normally wakes me.
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| Jul 2, 2007 @ 7:51 PM |
Are you too set in your ways
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jackf1950
Posts: 688
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witch, that was
NOT
my arm that went all the way over you
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| Jul 2, 2007 @ 7:57 PM |
Are you too set in your ways |
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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 In your dreams Jack
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| Jul 3, 2007 @ 4:07 AM |
Are you too set in your ways
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jackf1950
Posts: 688
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MY dreams???? you was the one sleepin........lol
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| Jul 3, 2007 @ 11:33 AM |
Are you too set in your ways |
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witchietoo
Posts: 2,630
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LOL...you are such a brat...but we love ya anyway 
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| Jul 14, 2007 @ 1:24 AM |
Are you too set in your ways
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NatGoat
Posts: 4,213
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I sure Hope I'm Not . . !!!
I don't Like being Alone . . !!! . . 
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