| May 27 @ 4:31 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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I'm a bit old fashion and believe that a 'relationship' starts when one person asks the other out (go steady, etc) and receives a "yes" response to the question.
But lately I've noticed that it seems that most people just 'assume' that they are in a relationship when they move in together or meet for a date every now and then or on a regular basis.
Now, I've been talking to some friends of mine (both online and in person) (- at least those that are still talking to me!  -) about this, and got some good answers too.
But...my question to the group at large is:
When do you know a relationship is "official" or "exclusive"??
[Edited on 5/27/2009 4:37 PM]
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| Jul 8 @ 12:50 PM |
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cheetra
Posts: 66
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Heh, I figure that since this is the 21th century now, it becomes "official" when rings and vows are exchanged and done in front of a preacher!
Otherwise the "relationship" is just considered by everybody involved as 'being friends with benefits' or IF you move in together 'live in lovers'. but I'm sure all the lookey loos out there will now chime in about when they consider a relationship 'official' in the 21st century!
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| Jul 19 @ 8:09 AM |
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chacha21404
Posts: 11
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After you discuss it. The topic should come up naturally and if it doesn't I would reaccess the relationship to see if it's right for me.
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| Jul 24 @ 4:27 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Thats well and good Chacha21404 but the problem is what IF it never comes up? or the other person assumes that you two are a item now?
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| Aug 7 @ 12:33 AM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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If it bothers you, then YOU should bring it up.
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| Aug 7 @ 4:05 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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It doesnt bother me SpiritOrnary, IF I feel there is a spark then I WOULD ask the lady, but no spark, then I'll see how it plays out and let the chips fall where they may.
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| Aug 7 @ 9:47 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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If she thinks it is a relationship and you do not, you being the one conscious of your opinion, then you are misleading her or leading her on perhaps because you do not wish to lose the benefits of the 'not' relationship. And as long as you continue to lead her on, you are deceiving her.
Are you afraid she will stop giving you the benefits you have been receiving so far if you tell her the truth? I do know I have moved on from one sided relationships.
Actually, every interaction everyone has is some type of relationship. Yours may not be that of significant other while she may hold you in that esteem. Is it fair to her to let her down by NOT being her SO? Or to continue to let her THINK you are her SO? Or does 'fair' matter to you? I am not judging you. Just curious. I too have been mislead. So I know what it feels like being the one in the dark. Maybe you can enlighten me so I can rationalize it in my own mind and move on easier than it has been before.
I would appreciate your assistance in that. 
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| Aug 8 @ 1:49 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Actually, every interaction everyone has is some type of relationship. Yours may not be that of significant other while she may hold you in that esteem. Is it fair to her to let her down by NOT being her SO? Or to continue to let her THINK you are her SO? Or does 'fair' matter to you? I am not judging you. Just curious. I too have been mislead. So I know what it feels like being the one in the dark. Maybe you can enlighten me so I can rationalize it in my own mind and move on easier than it has been before.
I would appreciate your assistance in that.
Actually SpiritOrney, I get the that feeling of being in a relationship every time I get invited to a local face to face meeting with a lady who contacts me either thru here or another dating site.
As for the "benefits" you mentioned ALL my first meeting dates normally end with a mutal agreement that a second date is not in the cards for either of us so I have to respond "what benifits?"
Wait, I am wrong here, I did have one where we did have a second date but at the time I was respecting her wishes about 'jumping' into a relationship at that time and I informed her that when she was ready, to let me know and I will start the presuit to win her over.
So we became e-mail friends until she informed me that she "almost" started a relationship with me after she met 2 other guys from that chemical site. I blocked her after reading that and kicked myself for passing up on another lady who was interested in meeting but out of respect for her I declined due to my possible relationship with the first lady.
Most relationships (by your definition - "every interaction everyone has is some type of relationship") I had over the years was mostly one sided and never go beyond the friendship phase.
So, I repeat my original question: "When do you know a relationship is "official" or "exclusive"??
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| Aug 8 @ 11:59 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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I am sorry but when I read...
But lately I've noticed that it seems that most people just 'assume' that they are in a relationship when they move in together or meet for a date every now and then or on a regular basis.
I thought you were speaking from personal experience. I have had a man in my life that was not what I considered a boyfriend because he stood me up a lot and rarely called to let me know. Yet when he was talking about a conversation he had with his sister, he mentioned me as his girlfriend.  Funniest thing...I thought ...wait a minute...if I am a gf, now why does he treat me that way? So after a day or so I asked him, mulling it over for awhile...when you said... girlfriend...did that mean friend girl? THE girlfriend or A girlfriend? He refused to answer that and because he never defined the relationship, I broke it off. Right then. I don't like being kept in the dark.
So, to me a relationship starts if you are seeing each other more than meeting up for the first time. What KIND of relationship needs to be defined so both parties are on the same page. Relationships do not always last either. Friends is a relationship.
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| Aug 12 @ 8:38 AM |
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chacha21404
Posts: 11
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Chances are if you are "living" together; it is a relationship. The subject of where it will go from there does come up if you have appropriate communication.
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| Aug 12 @ 8:39 AM |
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chacha21404
Posts: 11
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If there is no spark; why even live together? 
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| Aug 14 @ 4:06 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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But lately I've noticed that it seems that most people just 'assume' that they are in a relationship when they move in together or meet for a date every now and then or on a regular basis.
I thought you were speaking from personal experience
Technically/actually, I was speaking from both personal experiences and from obversations while hanging out at my local watering holes. The pesonal experiences came from the abovementioned 'face to face meetings' after several e-mail and phone calls (including one one sided phone calls to the lady) who has contacted me via this or another dating site.
But I have to agree with you on:
a relationship starts if you are seeing each other more than meeting up for the first time. What KIND of relationship needs to be defined so both parties are on the same page. Relationships do not always last either.
What I dont agree with (especially with friends I met in person here) is:
Friends is a relationship
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| Aug 15 @ 12:33 AM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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Relationship...noun...
Connection... a significant connection or similarity between two or more things, or the state of being related to something else
Behaviour or feelings towards somebody else... the connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another
Friendship... an emotionally close friendship, especially one involving sexual activity
Connection by family... the way in which two or more people are related by birth, adoption, or marriage, or the fact of being related by birth, adoption, or marriage
There are many ways of defining the WORD, relationship. You have a relationship with your work... does not have to be a good one, you have a relationship with money, ditto, you have a relationship with yourself...and if you have a higher power... all is a relationship. You have a home. If you keep your home clean and maintained, you have a good relationship with your home, ditto wuith car.
It is HOW you relate to whatever it is that counts. That is what you and others observe is how you and others relate to each other or each thing or situation.
Oh, and again, in a close and personal relationship, the ones involved need to discuss what the relationship is and be in agreement with each other. Otherwise, just like here, there can be a widely varying understanding of what a relationship is and means to the parties involved.
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| Aug 15 @ 1:28 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Works for me
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| Aug 15 @ 4:40 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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| Aug 19 @ 12:46 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Friendship... an emotionally close friendship
I guess you can say I had a friendship with 6 people I met thru this site but over the years I'm guessing that 'friendship' sort of died out between us.
2 dont answer their off-site emails
1 I mostly see at parties but otherwise have no other contact with
1 killed himself over the loss of his father
1 I blocked due to her reaction when I wanted her opinion about something
1 I still carry a friendship with on mybook.
So I guess SpiritOrnery, it seems that I'm destine to remain single.
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| Aug 19 @ 1:13 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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Yeah, me too. I am too much a beech!    Sooo, single it is! I guess I am just TOO demanding. I want it ALL! 
Fortunately, I make friends as easily as I lose them.
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| Aug 19 @ 4:28 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Fortunately, I make friends as easily
At times I wish I had that problem but then I observe the couples around me and that feeling goes away!
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| Aug 19 @ 4:32 PM |
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SpiritOrnery
Posts: 24,132
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Lol, Outlaw, that is a past life block is all. Want it cleared? You don't HAVE to attract the bad in life. That too is a past life energy. Life just gets better and better the more clear your energy gets. So, even if you are living ALONE, you are not LONELY...and you can be happy and have fun all over your life.
Life IS good. Sometimes our energies and beliefs will block the full expression and possibilities of our lives.
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| Aug 19 @ 4:54 PM |
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outlaw_star
Posts: 1,089
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Past life or current one due to bad childhood, or still suffering the loss of my best friend, either way, I like the loner life and as I always tell everybody: "I'm too old and too set in my ways to change!:
AlsoI just found out that the 2 former friends who dont answer their off site e-mails also arent answering my requests on mybook so I guess I'll strike them off my list and get rid of all the books and vhs tape I was collecting for them to give the next time we were going to see each other.
But we are going on a tangent here and should go back to the original question.
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