| Oct 10, 2006 @ 4:41 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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I know I will get mixed reactions to this thread I have no doubt. When I first moved to Florida I was somewhat shocked by the frequency of parents disciplining their children with corporal punishment. I cringed when I heard a parent say to a child " do you want me to get the switch" or "Bring me my belt" and proceeded to hit the child with the belt on her legs.Hitting a small child will usually stop misbehavior. However, other ways of discipline such as verbal correction, reasoning, and time-out work as well and do not have the potential for harm that hitting does. Hitting children may actually increase misbehavior. One large study showed that the more parents spanked children for antisocial behavior, the more the antisocial behavior increased.
The more children are hit, the more likely they are to hit others including peers and siblings and, as adults, they are more likely to hit their spouses . Hitting children teaches them that it is acceptable to hit others who are smaller and weaker. “I'm going to hit you because you hit your sister” is a hypocrisy not lost on children.Being spanked is an emotional event. Adults often remember with crystal clarity times they were paddled or spanked as children. Many adults look back on corporal punishment in childhood with great anger and sadness. Sometimes people say, “I was spanked as a child, and I deserved it”. It is hard for us to believe that people who loved us would intentionally hurt us. We feel the need to excuse that hurt.
Studies show that even a few instances of being hit as children are associated with more depressive symptoms as adults.While most of us who were spanked “turned out OK”, it is likely that not being spanked would have helped us turn out to be healthier
The bible says 'Spare the rod and spoil the child' and I must obey God”
Spanking is deeply rooted in the history and culture of the United States. The bible is often used to support, even perhaps to require, that parents use corporal punishment on children. Many clergy today are speaking out against that interpretation of scripture. Thankfully so
Look at the facts. Accumulated research supports the ineffectiveness and harm of corporal punishment. Children who are spanked most are more likely to be aggressive and hit others. Children hit for antisocial behaviors are more likely to increase those misbehaviors. Hitting children teaches acceptance of violence. While most of us who were spanked as children grow up to be healthy adults, spanking caused anxiety, contributed to feelings of helplessness and humiliation, and often provoked anger and a desire for revenge, feelings which have usually been repressed in adulthood but may lead to depression, adult violence, and hitting our own children. Effective discipline exists. It does not involve hitting and humiliating children. There is a fine line between corporal discipline and child abuse.
Child abuse is reported on an average of every 10 seconds and three children dieevery day as a result of such abuse.Many people are afraid of reporting child abuse. They think, "I don't want the person I reported to know," or, "I'm afraid it will come back to haunt me," or, "it's not my business."
Ironically, if you asked people if they should help if seeing a nearby car accident, most will say yes. But in a case of suspected child abuse, that thinking may be different. Why? Because of prevalent attitudes that someone else's children are either "their responsibility" or "their property."
Without aware adults, some children might never receive help. Be an advocate for children by knowing the signs of abuse and reporting child abuse. Remember, you are reporting suspicion of child abuse. Even if you aren't sure, it's better to let authorities check it out. You might save a child's life!
As an educator I have a legal obligation to report and suspected abuse or neglect, and will do so. If i am incorrect the professionals can make the judgement.
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| Oct 10, 2006 @ 7:26 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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ricky555
Posts: 46
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dove when any one files a false report of abuse they can be arrested in the state of flordia .they say they cant give out the callers name ..think again when its a fasle report the person who some one called on has the right to file leagal action and then the called is id ./or if you hire a lawyer they can find out who made the call..thenif its a fasle report ..its only fair for them to file leagal action and sue for damages.
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| Oct 10, 2006 @ 9:28 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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I have never filed a false report in my life but unfortunately I have filed one two many. "Ricky" or what ever name you are using this week. I have taught many workshops and attended several trainings on the dynamics of Child Abuse and Neglect. I have rescued many children. I will continue to do so when its warranted.Someone appears to be worried about DCF making a visit.
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| Oct 11, 2006 @ 10:23 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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dbpoofdaddy
Posts: 6
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I'll just put it this way ...
When I was a child, it wasn't a good idea to get into trouble. When I say that, I mean direct disobedience from adults. Yes, children will do what children do: touch hot stoves, drop glass, etc. But when you directly disobey your parent or elder, and you know that what you are doing is wrong, you deserve to be punished. I was given corporal punishment, by not only my mother, but others whom my mother gave permission to. I don't believe that children should be spoiled, but they should be rewarded for good behavior as well. Even though I am not a parent, I believe that we all should "punish" our children with moderation. Belts, switches, wooden spoons, little pops with hands - they were used on me as a child, and I'm not in any way a violent person at all. Having said this, I don't believe that children should ever be punched, slapped, kicked, or otherwise abused, and that sort of "punishment" should be made aware of to your local DFACS office.
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| Oct 11, 2006 @ 11:25 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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dove when any one files a false report of abuse they can be arrested That doesn't apply when a professional files a report of a suspicion of abuse as required by law, unless of course the report was fraudelent and malicious in intent, which is not what is being discussed.
But, I have been known to give mine a swat on the bottom when they were younger to get their attention.
I asked my daughter once if she'd rather have time out or a spanking. She preferred spanking because it didn't really hurt and it was over quicker. I started giving her more time outs after that, lol.
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| Oct 11, 2006 @ 4:50 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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We need to keep in mind that punishment and discipline are two different things.
Discipline begins with clearly communicating, instructing, and teaching your children.It corrects and promotes positive growth in children. The focus is on future behavior. The attitude when disciplining children is love. The results of discipline makes a child feel secure
Punishment is to inflict a payback for an offense a payback for wrongs. The focus is on misdeeds. The attitude when punishing children is anger.The results of punishment are a child will behave out of fear , guilt and a child can feel hostile.
It is also dangerous to use spanking as a method of discipline when your anger is out of control. That can lead to child abuse.
There are different kinds of punishment
Physical. Slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, using a belt or hair brush, and so on.
With words. Shaming, ridiculing, or using cruel words.
Holding back rewards. Example: "You can't watch TV if your chores aren't done."
Penalizing the child. Example: "Because you told a lie, you can't have your allowance."
Punishment is usually used because: It's quick and easy,Parents don't know other methods,Punishment asserts adult power,it vents adult frustration. Punishment may fulfill a short-term goal, but it actually interferes with the accomplishment of your long-term goal of self control.
LSU79 you are right , there are those who will report abuse to get back at a ex spouse and will falsely accuse others. This happens oten in a custody battle. for those who truely feel in their gut that a child is in danger or at risk should make a report. So many children are hurt and after the fact it will come out that people had their suspicions that something was wrong and did nothing.
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| Oct 14, 2006 @ 1:45 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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journeyfan0000
Posts: 814
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| Oct 15, 2006 @ 4:40 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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Thanks Journey... This is a mission for me. I think most parents really love their children and are raising their children the way their parents raised them. The typical remark will be " my parents spanked me and I turned out alright" I am not so sure you are as all right as you claim to be. After all you are using physical punishment on your children.
When you spank your children they learn this lesson
Those who love you the most are also those who hit you.
It is right to hit those you are closest to.
It is okay to hit people who are smaller than you are.
Violence is okay when other things don't work.
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| Oct 16, 2006 @ 2:23 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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Bigbear57
Posts: 4
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If I may add to this discussion I'd like to say I agree with Dove and I've noticed the most important thing with any communication with your kids is consistency. People too often say "if you do that one more time I'm gonna send you to your room" which is OK except I've seen them repeat it several times. If you make a threat to get a child's attention you should be prepared to follow through. It's in their nature to challenge your authority. I've been blessed with my two. I've had to discipline very little but I honestly think saying what I mean had a lot to do with it. Kids want to know their bundaries and being clear about them saves you tons of confusion and stress. Just my 2 cents worth.
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| Oct 17, 2006 @ 12:54 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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Excellent point Bigbear. Consistency makes all the difference in the world as well as logical consequences. Logical consequences are situations engineered by the parent, that are logically connected to the wrongdoing. It is logical because it "fits" the offense.For example If a child takes to long to complete homework there is no time left to watch television. The lesson learned is "If I want to watch television I need to complete my homework first.
Far more effective then shouting or imposing a consequence that makes no sense such as you didnt do your homework so you do not get your allowance. Then stick to your guns and follow through.
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| Nov 17, 2006 @ 6:09 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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Navydaisyistaken
Posts: 3
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As a soon-to-be adoptive mom of 2 kids who ended up in the system, I had to relearn all that I knew about discipline. See, most of the kids who end up with DFCS have been whipped or physically abused, not just merely popped or swatted as I was when I was a child. So to them, any type of physical discipline is a whipping; they cannot process the difference. They, and we, have learned that there are many effective forms of discipline. And they are learning that there are good choices and bad choices they can make; both will have consequences, either good or bad; but ultimately, it is their choice. If they choose to dawdle over dinner, for instance, the timer is set (usually 10-15 mins while I clean up). If they finish before the timer, well, their night continues until bedtime. If they don't, then they have to brush their teeth and go to bed. What's left of dinner becomes a leftover for the next night. Because they don't like leftovers, it has changed their willingness to drag dinner out endlessly. We also make them write "positive" sentences ~ for instance, if he hits her, he writes I will respect others or I will keep my hands to myself. They don't have to write very many sentences, usually 7 or 8, but it's enough to get the point across. And they are learning that we do back up what we say we are going to do. Very very rarely is a "second" chance given so that it isn't the norm, if that makes sense. Great forum; need to keep pounding this message out there.
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| Nov 17, 2006 @ 6:12 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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Navydaisyistaken
Posts: 3
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And something that I didn't get to add but will now, is that most kids get insufficient rest so they are more liable to act out inappropriately. Too many parents have their kids involved in too much stuff and the kids are tired which usually translates to irritable. We keyed in on this with our son; he needs 10-12 hours of sleep. It isn't fair to him or anyone else in his little life if we don't allow him adequate rest and then punish him for behavior that is beyond his control. It really ticks me off to see kids who are obviously overtired being yelled at, jerked around or spanked by parents who haven't clued into this fact, that child is flat-out tired. Most adults get somewhat pissy when they are overtired; how much more so will a child act out when they are tired, especially since they are immature in a lot of their basic functioning?
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| Nov 18, 2006 @ 4:37 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Very very rarely is a "second" chance given
Wow, but these two kids have a second chance at living a NORMAL and positive life now!   
"Bounderies"...definitely my favorite concept.  Makes everyone's life SO much easier, doesn't it? ~grin~
With some kids, like my daughter, those bounderies can be "implied" (she was one not to push all the way to the edge  ); with others the bounderies/rules have to be practically written (not quite in blood, but sometimes it's tempting, lol, ie: my son ) Thing is, they really appreciate it in the long run. Both of them (now 29 and 31) have said "Thank you, Mom."...and my son even added "You were strict, but fair."
Best of luck and have loads of fun, too, with your new additions, NavyDaisy! That's such cool news!
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| Nov 18, 2006 @ 12:33 PM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child. |
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Navydaisyistaken
Posts: 3
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TY Sunbabe....it's definitely been an adventure so far. The funny thing is, my youngest son, who is 20, was visiting recently and saw interaction between me and the twins...he was like, glad to see you haven't changed your stance on that! He (the 20 yr old) was the more compliant child; the older son (22) pushed the envelope to the max in many ways, yet now he is serving in the Navy....lol.
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| Feb 2, 2008 @ 11:41 AM |
Parenting in the south... spare the rod spoil the child.
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ladybugjulie
Posts: 4
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i am a single young strict mother. i pop my son when he needs it. i do not accept bad behavior in school or in public, he gets away with more at home. with that said i make him read daily for an hour...not as punishment but for medical reasons for his eye and because i strongly believe reading is needed, he is 6 yrs old and is reading the first harry potter book. he has read the first three spiderwick books. time out and all that does not work on him. but a pop in the butt does. i do not do it often...only when needed. we talk about it later when he comes out of his room and is done crying. i got the whole spanking thing when i was a child and i was a great teenager and i am not a violent person.
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