| May 29, 2007 @ 7:37 PM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone.
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carl04
Posts: 56
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I haven't dated a woman since 08/06 and I am starting to get a little hard hearted toward women, I don't want to,its just all I can see is the evil in them. Everyone says "hang in there they're not all like that" but I wonder sometimes.
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| May 31, 2007 @ 5:37 AM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone. |
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Xoxogirl
Posts: 5
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I feel the same way about men, so you are not alone. I am completely honest and upfront in all relationships, but I am sure that is not what you want to hear. Sometimes for me it seems that the people I really think are trustworthy are the complusive liars. Maybe you should try and find a common pattern that all the woman you have had problems trusting, have. Other than that I really don't know how I could help. Just know that you are not alone. I am in the same place, as I am sure many others are as well. Finding them is the hard part. 
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| Jun 2, 2007 @ 12:28 PM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone.
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Snuggles907
Posts: 2
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Hey Car104
Sorry to hear that you haven't dated anyone since Aug of 2006 , well i like to say that all women are not the same and you shouldn't think all women are evil because there not . I will admit this there are some women and men out there who like to play games and be dishonest , but just because you had one bad exp you shouldn't judge women that way . I myself have had some bad exp plus i was in a bad marriage where my ex husbadnd use to be very abusive phsyicaly and mentaly , for a long time i dindn't trust men but i had to give other people the benifit of the doubt . I knew just because i had a ex husband that was this way i couldn't jude other men , because i know all men are not like this i had someone break my heart about two years ago i haven't dated anyone since 10/ 05 . I just haven't found the right guy . so like everyone is telling you hang in there you got to give women a chance . sinerely SNUGGLES907
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| Jun 20, 2007 @ 4:36 PM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone. |
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Done7576
Posts: 2
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I hadn't dated since August 06 either, until two weeks ago when I took a chance on someone. I got on a plane to do it.
I'd like to report it was a success, but it wasn't. Long story, but she was irrationally jealous.
Online is not a place to meet anyone. I will certainly never date off an internet site again, and most likely will not date again period. I had a long
relationship, it was good while it lasted, and maybe that's all I get.
I wouldn't get hard hearted, but if you are like me you are maybe attracting a certain type.
If you are serious about dating forget about online and just try to meet women in reality.
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| Jun 21, 2007 @ 12:41 AM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone.
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dieldrin
Posts: 5
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I understand what you're going through becasue I too had very negative [assumptions] towards women. I'm not going to tell you that "things will get better" or to just "hang in there" because this will not turn around for you UNLESS you change how you think of women (and yourself). Seeing only the "evil" in them is a direct result of what you choose to see. And seeing only the evil in others only confirms the presence of something destructive within yourself.
You're no different than anyone else here, male or female, in the sense that we've all been 'burned' at some point or another. Whatever it is that you had gone through in the past, you're consciously, or unconsciously (depending on how long you've thought this way [you're most likely so used to thinking this way that you cannot see things any other way]), keeping that experience 'alive' with every day of your life, and it resonates with every female you encounter. If that's the case, you have to forgive them and let that anger go. You'll never grow and heal if you allow those negative experiences affect you, and no one will be able to see your goodness because it will be heavily shrouded by this self-generated hatred. It's very easy to hold on to this negativity and use this as the mortar for your defensive barrier (so as to prevent future heartbreaks), but this very thing is what will keep you from clearly seeing the goodness on the other side of that barrier, and anyone trying to get to know you will just sense something is wrong by the things you might unconsiously say. Never forget your bad experiences because you want to learn from them. However, you must always forgive in order to be able to move on.
Could this be a jealousy thing? Perhaps hating the fact that, on average, women get attention from men more than men get it from women? And there you are, a nice guy, hoping, wishing that "if only some [one] would approach me". Well, that's not necessarily true. Women do give much more attention to men than we think, but they do it in more subtle (almost invisible) ways; they're less likely to approach a guy for reasons only they know -- and each one of them different from the other: bad hair-day [even though they're gorgeous]; garlic breath [like we care]; fear of rejection [yeah, right]; fear of strangers [both parties should be cautious -- better safe than sorry]; etc., etc.... Then you have the others (including guys) who just love the attention and that is it; they got what they wanted, or better yet, needed. I wouldn't necessarily call this a game, but it's just a different way of expressing an interest in someone. My only advice to this (if this is true for you or anyone else reading this) is to know yourself and know you're worth it. Again, it's a thought process that needs to be repeated over and over again if there had already been in place a constant thought process whereby your self perception has been 'undesirable'.
I hope this gives you some insight on how to approach your situation. I appreciate the fact that you generated this post because I know how serious (and how common) this is matter may be.
Regards,
-dieldrin.
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| Jun 26, 2007 @ 11:24 AM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone. |
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carl04
Posts: 56
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Yes this is a common feeling, and thank you for posting. It is not a jealousy issue, I want to know that the woman really wants to know me and takes an initiative. I was cheated on in my marriage and it took all of the bravado out of me. I have gone through all of the typical Freudian responses. I have to deal with this woman on a daily bases because of my children, she is not a good mother and a mean person, so I have never had a true separation from all of the nastiness that was and is her.
So I tried my hand at the bar scene and felt used and self-hating after trying to turn one night stands into something meaningful. I know that because I carry myself a certain way that I attract the wrong kind of woman. I had been so constantly rejected in my marriage that I have been looking for a nurturing type of woman, but have found woman looking for men like me for their instant gratification.
Younger women seem to be attracted to me(not that I'm complaining) but they seem to lack the morals that I am looking for.
I guess in the end I should look to the ultimate example, Jesus was never married. I just wish that God hadn't put such a desire for companionship in me. Aithough I can see many of my problems, I haven't been able to snap my fingers and improve overnight, I guess that the right woman will have to rebuild trust in me through patience and love with a strong desire to be with me or being alone will grow bearable one day.
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| Jul 13, 2007 @ 8:54 AM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone.
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love2b
Posts: 1
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I'm right there with you....having a hard time trusting men, that is...but what's our option? Being alone forever? I don't like that either.
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| Jul 22, 2007 @ 2:21 PM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone. |
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bigwriterchick
Posts: 1
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Um, Jesus may or may not have been married, or 'partnered' really depends on who you talk to. Seriously tthough, you probably need to work on yourself and stop worrying about being partnered, I haven't been with someone for a couple years. It's different for you because you married a bitch, and maybe it takes longer to dust yourself off after that, but it doesn't even seem like you're relieved to be rid of her because now you're alone. I think you should take a break, stop trying to find a woman and just figure yourself out. Get to know yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, why you do certain things, crap like that. Maybe do something you've always wanted to do.
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| Jul 27, 2007 @ 5:29 PM |
I am having a hard time trusting women. Is there any help? I feel very alone.
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KiddBilly
Posts: 26
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Here's an idea. DATE women, don't "date" them. Take many women out on dates, but don't find one and settle on the opinion that she is the one, even for the moment. You'll find that by taking the stress out of trying to form a relationship by having a good time with many women (I don't mean sex, BTW), you can truly start to enjoy the dating experience, and see a bit more clearly.
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