| Apr 14 @ 10:09 AM |
married folks and dating sights...
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marharet00
Posts: 17
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i was just wondering how the single people out there feel about married people looking to cheat on this dating sight. i have been approached by several married men who are simply looking for descreet sex.. i feel that if you aren't happy in your marriage then get out before you envolve another person. honestly if a man/woman is willing to cheat on their spouse what makes a person think that they will suddenly become f aithful.. just a thought.. i wanted to see what others thought of this subject...
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| Apr 14 @ 10:46 AM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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honeynubbin
Posts: 68
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It is very frustrating. The only person in the area that I've gotten to know well enough to accept a lunch date from turned out to be married. His profile said single, and had no photo. At least I got it out of him before the lunch date, but that was only after a couple of weeks of our "meeting" online.
Some married people might be honestly lonely during the divorce/separation process, and I feel for them...but I think they should wait until that process is complete before looking for someone else. Just my opinion - because I want my guy to be only mine, and I don't think that's asking too much.
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| Apr 14 @ 1:26 PM |
married folks and dating sights...
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cartay25
Posts: 390
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I'm totally with you on this one Mar........if he would cheat to be with me then I would never trust him not to cheat on me.  For some it's just the thrill of seeing what they can get away with and have no intentions of leaving their spouse or making a long term commitment with the you. I for one pass on any that are married or already in a relationship.........I could never do that to another woman any more than I would want it done to me.
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| Apr 14 @ 5:01 PM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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moonlit33
Posts: 3
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My thoughts are get out of the relationship before you start another. Too many lives can be hurt. It isn't omnly effecting you it is the other person, Any family such as children and it just goes right down the line.
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| Apr 14 @ 5:45 PM |
married folks and dating sights...
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sloriver
Posts: 250
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I've often wondered why people accept a cheater. Most women want something permanent so why would they start up with a married man? If they manage to take him away from his wife, all they get is a cheater. I guess everyone thinks they're the special one he'll never cheat on. That's a hoot.
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| Apr 14 @ 6:44 PM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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cartay25
Posts: 390
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Only a fool could believe that they won't cheat on them as well. The sad part is the other person in their relationship and their family are the ones who pay the price.
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| Apr 15 @ 12:30 AM |
married folks and dating sights...
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hpylady1
Posts: 35
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A lot of people don't think of themselves as cheaters .. until they get caught and they are called a cheater .. then you hear .. I still love my wife/husband I just need more attention. I feel it's a poor excuse but most of these marriages have lost communication they have trouble talking about simple things and they don't ever get close to the real problem.
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| Apr 15 @ 8:17 AM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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IrisRain
Posts: 8
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If he cheated with you...he'll cheat on you. The best wisdom I have ever heard.
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| Apr 15 @ 10:10 AM |
married folks and dating sights...
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pamdemonium
Posts: 14,490
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I'm looking down the side of my computer where part of MD's background says for Singles and FRIENDS.
Sad that some married people cheat...but that's not the same as just being on MD. Not everyone who is married or separated is on here to cheat. But the ones who are looking for some sex...are probably going to be more vocal, more aggressive about finding it.
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| Apr 15 @ 12:13 PM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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marharet00
Posts: 17
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sorry but i find it hard to believe that a married person would be on a dating sight and NOT be looking to cheat or have sex.. yes i have heard those lines too.. i have heard about wives with mental illness or physical illness. i have heard men tell me that they are just so misunderstood.. my advice to married men/women who are looking for sex outside the marriage....... if its that bad get a divorce.. if its not that bad shut up and fidn your wedding vows again and read them over and over until you understand ALL of them....
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| Apr 15 @ 3:08 PM |
married folks and dating sights...
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cartay25
Posts: 390
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Very true Pammy and there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone in a relationship. It's the ones who actually admit up front or lie about their status and are only looking for sex on the side that are the issue.
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| Apr 16 @ 8:19 AM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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marharet00
Posts: 17
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i feel that married people can find good conversations in other locations online.. why do they come to dating sights to look for someone to talk to? let's think on this a little.. how many married people have you met on this dating sight that have turned out to just be looking for a friend to talk to.. see how fast they at least bring up sex in a conversation.. i can bet a dime to a donut that its pretty quickly... is it right for a married person to want to talk to a single person about sex? i think its a case of doing anything you can to get aroused.. remember alot of people come online to get their rocks off ONLY.. others come on here to truly meet new friends ....
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| Apr 17 @ 8:12 AM |
married folks and dating sights...
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sloriver
Posts: 250
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i can bet a dime to a donut that its pretty quickly...
That would be a great bet since a donut costs a dollar these days.
yes i have heard those lines too.. i have heard about wives with mental illness or physical illness.
I totally agree with this. Illness doesn't excuse a spouse from his or her vow of faith.
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| Apr 17 @ 5:05 PM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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countrytimegal
Posts: 27
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Whether or not there are problems in a marriage the honorable and respectful thing to do is get out of it before seeking others. I know what it is like to have been in that kind of marriage in the end yet I chose to remain faithful until I was divorced. Too bad I can not say the same for him...lol. No matter how lonely or miserable one is in the marriage they should still honor thier vows until they have the divorce done. It is not only showing respect for thier partner and vows they took, the people they are contacting with hopes of dating but themselves as well. This also applies to other relationships as well...end one before trying to start another one. Aren't there sites for married people to connect anyway whether it be just to talk to one another or more should they choose? At least on a site like that thier marital status would be known from the get go...no pretense.
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| Apr 17 @ 11:07 PM |
married folks and dating sights...
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alan74
Posts: 2
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Completely agree with ya Mar. I am a man on here and am not looking for sex. Just a friend. I am 1400 miles from my GF. So having female friends helps me through a lot. I see my GF routinely. It gives me a reason to fly to Boston.HEHE.
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| Apr 18 @ 3:28 PM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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ImChristi2
Posts: 10
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I find myself mostly agreeing with the poster’s view on the subject of married persons looking to “cheat” on their spouses however; as I read through the threads I can’t help but find it curious that there is so much judging going on. Mainly because when I first set my account on this site I found no restrictions involving marital status. In fact, it would appear that the site acknowledges the possibility of married persons utilizing it’s services because it gives the opportunity of checking “married” as an option for your status. Having said this may I suggest the possibility that the problem isn’t with the legal status of that person’s availability but more so with their honesty and forthright desire to portray themselves.
I agree wholeheartedly that when a person enters into a relationship with another and especially pressures them for sex without first informing them that there is a partner (married or not) in his or her life it’s deplorable and speaks very little towards that persons character. No doubt you can subscribe to the theory that “once a cheat, always a cheat” and such a person could/should never be taken seriously as a potential lifelong mate. However, there are often many mitigating circumstances that would challenge that statement. Firstly, what is the status of that marriage? Is it over with nothing left to do but the paperwork? How long has it been over? What is the likely hood of the marriage repairing itself? And finally, has the person been honest with any potential mates?
I would suggest that anyone willing to enter into a physical relationship with a person who has no prior knowledge of their marital status is being anything but discreet because when it’s all over that person’s going to bellow for all to hear. Perhaps they might even post it on an internet message board and invite the spouse to view it as well as a few pics? I feel that there’s plenty of internet sites where a person can pick up a little trash talk and possible physical gratification without involving an innocent victim so it would be foolish to intentionally lie in order to enjoy a little extra marital fun. Therefore, I feel it’s grossly unfair to make such blanket statements. Because if there’s consent between two persons with full knowledge of marital status then it’s a matter of free will and both parties have a right to use this site.
Lastly, I am married, on an internet (dating?…I truly hadn’t noticed) site and have absolutely no desire to talk about sex or lure some poor unsuspecting fool into my bed. I don’t have to hide behind a computer screen to prey on poor unsuspecting innocents. I received offers almost daily in real life in spite of the fact that my left hand still wears a highly visible wedding ring. I’m here because I want the conversation without the sex and I can’t be pressured into anything. I’m upfront and I’m honest and I have no need for discretion because nothing’s going on and nothing will go on unless I’m ok with it.
I don’t believe I’m the only person who thinks this way…. Male or female we all have our reasons for being here and unless there dishonesty it’s not anyone else’s place to judge.
Please take this as it was intended, nothing more than a statement of my opinion.
Respectfully yours,
Christi
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| Apr 18 @ 10:50 PM |
married folks and dating sights...
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cartay25
Posts: 390
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Christi..........honesty is the key word. As I stated before, there is nothing wrong with being in a relationship and being on a site looking for friends. I have made many friends who are in this situation. It's the ones who are dishonest about their status or just openly ask for discreet relationships that make it hard for honest people to find friends.
If someone is totally honest about their status and the other is willing to get into a relationship with them then they are doing so with full knowledge. I think the big question here is why would someone be looking to start a new relationship when they have not settled their present situation.
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| Apr 19 @ 12:12 AM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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marharet00
Posts: 17
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ok i have to ask this Christi why she didn't go to any of a million other sights that offer chat between people and aren't indicated as a "dating sight".. i completely understand that it asks for marital status but i don't think in doing so the creators of this sight intended it to be a place for married people to cheat on their spouses.. i don't care what circumstances you have in a marriage or relationship the fact remains that you SHOULD NOT start a relationship with another person until you have closure.. paper work is one thing just looking to cheat while still married because the marriage is bad or rocky or whatever........... its still cheating no matter what type of intelligence you have. yes i do believe Christi to be a very articulate person but i also see someone who is married and obviously on a dating sight looking for something,.. who knows what....
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| Apr 19 @ 11:04 PM |
married folks and dating sights...
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ImChristi2
Posts: 10
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Wow, Mar…. such anger. It’s apparent that your suffering and this topic is very painful for you. I’m very sorry that it may appear as though I’m defending those persons who have treated you poorly but I assure you I’m not. Choosing to cheat on your spouse is a moral issue and unfortunately a choice that some persons will make. Personally I will never make that choice. As long as I’m married I belong to one man. Having said that it’s important that I also say each person will have their own definition of when that marriage is actually over and that may not mesh with your, my or even Cartay’s definition of the word.
It is my humble opinion that the marriage is dead when you feel it in your heart. It would appear that your belief is that it’s not over until the fat Judge sings. Unfortunately that’s just a difference of opinion. The legalities involved in ending a relationship are nothing more than a formality to some people. It could be that they can’t afford the divorce, could be they feel obligated to maintain the legal façade in order to allow the spouse to utilize insurance, tax exemptions or other legal benefits that married couples enjoy or simply that they haven’t found a reason to complete the process. Whatever the oversight if the married couple considers the marriage over and a disclosure of the relationship is made to potential future mates then I don’t see the problem. Then again, if the intent is simply to deceive you he or she’s a pig.
As far as my reasoning for being on a "dating sight", Matchdoctor portrays itself as site being “100% Free Online Dating & Personal Ads” a “great way to find a date or new friends”. I’m here for the “friends” part. I was disappointed that it only gave me the option to state I wanted male friends in my profile but it did give me the option to state that I wanted “friends”. I must say that if there are a “million” other sites out there I haven’t found them. At least they’re not in the local area. Personally I think the creators of the site intended for it to be used… by friend, lovers, cheaters, married, single, black, white, purple or blue and yes, even those who are opinionated. I don’t honestly think they care if consenting adults choose to cheat. I appreciate the intellectual compliment but my ability to portray my thoughts and opinions really have no bearing on my opinion it’s what it is, right or wrong according to my own judgment.
This site gives us anonymity and the ability to discuss relationships with male, or female friends not just and opportunity to cheat on our spouses. It’s a wonderful opportunity to discuss what’s bothering us in our relationships without involving people who know us. I’ve found that anytime I discuss my relationship problems with my family or my friends they hold a grudge a lot longer than I’m willing to stay angry and if the relationship repairs itself they are less likely to accept it. This way I don’t feel pride getting in the way of forgiveness. Does that make any sense?
Cartay, I’m in complete agreement with you and appreciate your opinion. I do hope this clears things up for you Mar. Please take care.
Yours,
Christi
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| Apr 20 @ 1:23 AM |
married folks and dating sights... |
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marharet00
Posts: 17
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Ok well let us think on this one.. yes we all have opinions.. i guess to me marriage is over when one of the vows spoken in front of a man of God are broken.. I haven't been hurt on this sight.. In fact i dated a wonderful man that i met on here.. We dated for nearly two years when he died suddenly of a condition none of us knew he had.. He was good to me and for me.. I enjoyed everyone moment of our relationship..
Are there a million differant sights for people to chat on that aren't married? yes .. just go to google and run a search..
I don't believe that talking to a complete stranger can help one sort out marital issues.. I feel that communication is the key to any and all realtionships especially intimate ones.. Am i opinionated? why yes i believe we all are.. I feel that judgement will be made when we all meet our maker not by me or you or any other person online..
I honestly do not believe that a married person would be happy to know that their partner is talking to a complete stranged about personal issues.. I think that is why therapist are in business. once again its j ust my opinion but i believe that someone who won't talk to a spouse about an issue but will come on line and air all THEIR side of the issue to anyone online.. its a proven fact that most people fabricate things on line..
remember there is always two sides to a relationship just as there are always two sides to a break up so if you aren't allowing your spouse or even encouraging them to do the same ( come online and air laundry in a relationship to a stranger who could pretend to be anyone or anything) i just wonder Christi how you would feel if you came in the room and your partner was online chatting in this sight, which is in fact first and formost listed as a dating sight, and airing all the laundry of your relationship to some 25 year old bomb shell ... like i said there are always always always two sides in relationships and i guess if you are both ok with talking about marital issues with strangers then it works for you.. i doubt it would work for most....
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