| Jul 27, 2006 @ 3:08 AM |
picky women
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brian2005
Posts: 50
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After using this site for awhile, I begin to wonder about the expectations that women have regarding men. Women appear to be very picky and particular about the man they would like to meet. Its almost unrealistic. Women would turn a man down because they don't like football, or don't have long hair, or for any other ridiculous reason. Hell, I've met every single criteria they said they would like in a man and still no response. I mean don't get me wrong. They have a right not to respond. I posted this thread more out of curiousity than malice. Something I think women should think more about. If you could have every single criteria met regarding the perfect man, what makes you think they would be interested in you? A perfect man is gonna want a perfect woman. For instance, if you wanted a rich, 7ft tall man with long black hair, blue eyes, who loves football, has the perfect personality and "makes you laugh", do you think that guy would be interested in you? I'd like to know what you everyone thinks, and I want to know if I'm the only one that sees this sort of thing occuring. Women have a right to have unrealistic expectations as long as they understand that the chances those expectations are met are very slim.
Brian
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 3:40 AM |
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Oh Brian  Women don't pick men by 'computer match' criteria...the 'preferences' are there to use or not, but they simply are overlooked half the time if someone seems interesting (although online, distance can be a real issue)
"I'm an active guy who enjoys doing a variety of things. I'm honest, caring, trustworthy. If there's anything you'd like to know ask me."
Try expanding your profile "essays" to reflect a little bit more about the REAL you -- use some imagination and be a lot more specific...something that would set you apart from every OTHER 27 year old active, honest, caring, trustworthy guy who likes to do a variety of things...be someone unique.
Not easy, by any means, to "market" yourself, but I'll be "honest and caring" and tell you you're facing a lot of competition -- not only here, but in the world. I kind of doubt that any of us who've 'hooked up' here online has actually met the 'ideal' they outlined in the questionaire part of their profile -- it was always something that 'struck' each other (humor, values, even opposites) -- where neither was by any means "perfect", but just perfect for each other...in the end.
I hope this helps...a little bit, at least.
 ...and SMILE! 
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 4:13 AM |
picky women
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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And .............. from the other side - YES many of us guys have the same thing going on. We are so picky that when we find one that looks like a potential match ............. she says NO WAY.
Your point was well made - picky people spend a very long time looking.
THEN .......... (this is not the case with me but) ........ when some of the picky people do encounter a decent match - they often like to toss that match into a holding pile >>> AKA FRIENDS .......... while they look for more potential matches to “upgrade”. I imagine they often end up losing the actual potential match due to their putting them in the holding stack. I am not of this thinking. When I do get some dialog going with a gal that could be a match (on my end) I more or less stop ............ and see where it could go. So far the couple of gals I got to that stage with - dumped me right in the holding stack “friends”. I don’t want to play so - she gets off my mind pretty fast.
The nature of these websites and the thousands of people add to this “juggling” so many do. It also adds to the “pickyness” - there is always more to “pick from” - some of the better looking gals get well up into the 100s of guys they have in the holding pile (friends).
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 4:25 AM |
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T_i_m
Posts: 809
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Maybe a guy needs to invest in a motorcycle, a horse, some camping gear and a fishing pole to hook a babe on here.
And what's the deal with Harleys? I'd take a Honda or a Yamaha over a Harley any day.
[Edited on 8/23/2006 7:02 PM]
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 4:27 AM |
picky women
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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Or chocolate 
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 5:00 AM |
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T_i_m
Posts: 809
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Yes, fine imported chocolate from Deutschland. Die ist die beste Schokolade!
Having some culinary skills doesn't hurt either.
And if your a not-so-tall guy such as myself, every little bit helps.
Probably the single, most important thing in an online profile is having a good photo. Second would be not to sound like a psycho in your written description.
Okay, not sounding like a psycho supercedes a good-looking mug shot.
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 6:50 AM |
picky women
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mailorderannie
Posts: 6,021
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Well...uh...hate to point out the obvious here but...T I M what happened to YOUR pic?
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 7:12 AM |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,606
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(Hi Annie! Great minds think alike again  )
I was going to say that, also that you could try Tim's approach...make it so totally terse that it's an invitation to any female with a healthy dose of curiosity.... 
While vanilla's one of my favorite flavors (along with the darkest chocolate I can find), it really helps if you project a little more of what you're like...don't be spicy if you're not, but the only thing you really say about yourself is you like movies...adventure, romance, artsy, obscure?
And as SunBabe said, you never know what the 'hook' might be for any particular person, man or woman. It's not about meeting a list of criteria, it's about the initial spark that says this is someone I'd really like to get to know better. My own experience has been (IRL as well as online) that the ones I've really hit it off with have almost always not been within my standard search criteria. And of course, that's only the start of it - as Ron said, even after you get to that point, there are still pitfalls. For me, I don't think it's so much a 'holding area of friends' as it is knowing that a relationship isn't going to have 'legs' enough to last. The 'spark' is great, and maybe it will go to 'flame', but if I see that the flame will just go out and there's not enough in the way of common values and longterm goals between us, it will never go to the 'glowing embers' that make up the real thing, after the first flush of sexual/romantic love wears off (they say it's a year to 18 months, and then the chemistry, literally, goes away).
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 7:28 AM |
picky women
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Okay, not sounding like a psycho supercedes a good-looking mug shot.
Not from what I read daily in these forums, it doesn't.
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 7:31 AM |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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I`m not at all picky in my choice of men..met plenty of men that are picky though..I`ve said all along that the physical aspect of a person doesn`t matter to me..and I`ve been also been called a liar and that I was i was in denial.. 
But let me tell you just a little something about the fella i am now seeing..and maybe that will clear up the denial theory for me at least..I seen his pic..it was a full face pic..he was just an average guy...neither handsome or ugly..then we met in the park..and i saw his face..to put it as plain as i can..the one side of his face is scarred from burns...hes had skin graphs and thats all I have to say about that...did that turn me away from him? No..because I`ve always believed and i always will its whats on the inside that counts..hes a wonderful man..and his scars don`t bother me at all...
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 7:41 AM |
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HarleysB_WV
Posts: 860
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Well Brian, Ron is correct when he says "people" are picky. I am currently not seeking a relationship. I have no interest in finding Mr. Right and I'm not looking for a Mr. RightNow. Just friends will do for me. Sorry you're not getting the responses you were hoping for but, keep your chin up. She's out there somewhere.
And what's the deal with Harley's? I'd take a Honda or a Yamaha over a Harley any day.
Tim Tim Tim. (sigh). There are many who agree with you. What you ride is your personal choice. Personally I don't think it matters what you're riding as long as you love the ride. I prefer Harleys. Fatboys are my personal favorite. I don't think you have to own a motorcycle though to get a "babes" attention. Not all women are into riding. Matter of fact there are quite a few that are terrified of getting on a bike. Perhaps change your name on here to Honda_Tim and see what happens .
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 8:00 AM |
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Bojangles102
Posts: 478
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Brian,
Excellent thread. You've expressed my sentiments exactly and that is why I started the threads "Wimmin" and "Who Are We Kidding".
Who we are; our looks, our personalities, our charisma or lack there of, our achievements in life, our communicative skills, our past experiences, our baggage,
how we treat people, etc. is a form of currency that we use to exchange for what we want in another person. As we age the value of this currency diminishes and we become less valuable to the 'person' that we seek and only valuable to ourselves and to those who are already close to us.
Do we over value ourselves and hold out for the unattainable?
In my view, either we settle for someone or we settle to grow old alone.
Which of the two is scarier????
.
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 8:50 AM |
picky women
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T_i_m
Posts: 809
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Perhaps change your name on here to Honda_Tim and see what happens.
Yeah, but I'd have to start a new account as I don't think there is a documented way to change a user name on an existing account.
I agree, to love to ride is the main thing. It's just that I have yet to see a profile that says "I love going for long rides on the back of a Suzuki!"
The importance of a good online photo is well known, especially if a person is hoping to make a connection. For now, I prefer to be anonymous, so, no photo of moi-même.
Brian, you're a photogenic dude. Your current photo is decent though it can't hurt to add an extra one or two. Take some more pics and crop them a little. You'll be breaking hearts in no time.
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 9:58 AM |
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lacyvsq
Posts: 6,161
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I agree with Tim. Cropping bare walls and the stiff pose of your body out of your current photo and leaving a closeup of your face with a pleasant look will certainly attract some of those who may have put you in the holding pile. Sometimes a cool distant image in a photo (incorrectly) implies a cool distant person.
Most people really don't know what they are looking for in life, so it may be up to you to teach some how interested they could be in you. The wisdom in your forum post is not really reflected in your profile. It issues a bit of a challenge. Some women like challenges. Think about rewording some of the post into a more positive note and posting it on your profile. ie 'I am a picky man, but have realistic expectations. I am looking for a similar woman to see if we might each be able to hold the interest of the other.'
 Somewhere T.I.M. I have seen that you can change your username by contacting the mods and making the request, and i have seen it done. Check the help threads perhaps.
Editted with this info from Help:
C. Can I change my username?
Only gold members can change their username.
Gold members can send a support ticket with a list of the top three names they would like to change their name to.
[Edited on 7/27/2006 10:04 AM]
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 12:12 PM |
picky women
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Velvetsteamroller
Posts: 7
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I see nothing wrong with being picky! As long as her requirements are not too unreasonable. Morals and values are on the top of my list far above income and looks.
Of course I am Dutch
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 12:16 PM |
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willsmalto
Posts: 3,645
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it's good to be picky but not too picky cuz you might end up getting picked by the wrong guy
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 1:01 PM |
picky women
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LipGlossQueen9
Posts: 10,955
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I am quite picky...I have extremely high standards and I look at that as a very positive thing. I think people look down on that because they think "well you might miss out on something" but I seriously doubt that I would enjoy dating a person who does not meet my standards. Plus, if I got into a relationship with someone who does not meet my standards, it would be nasty and horrible for me to ask him or her to change to meet my standards.I don't care if I end up alone for the rest of my life, I could always adopt kids. My standards are also completely ridiculous (I don't want to date a man or a woman who is aspiring to become something like a mechanic, I will not date someone in a band, etc.) So I don't want to have to make people think I'm a complete bitch when really, I'm not....I just have high standards.
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 1:44 PM |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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There are so many millions of people online that I think being picky is quite reasonable. If someone doesn't match your criteria but does seem very genuine and interesting, then I usually find they are still prepared to get to know you. I know I am very picky these days, I will be friends with anyone that is interesting, but when it comes to finding a potential partner I am extremely picky.
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 3:27 PM |
picky women
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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I prefer "selective," but regardless...I plead guilty.
And I want someone who's just as selective, not someone looking for anyone who'll say yes.
Just my two knuts.
MJ
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| Jul 27, 2006 @ 4:17 PM |
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littleross
Posts: 249
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When I first read this post, I assumed he was referring to the looks & money "I want everything" picky group......Based on that, I'm not picky at all. I'm not an independantly wealthy, harvard educated, rocketscientist, supermodel, therefore I'm not looking for one.
HOWEVER - I am picky on what I consider the important things. Not looks or cash flow, but things like stability, honesty, ability to communicate and laugh.... lot's of traits which aren't always so apparent.
So, is picky good or bad? I guess it depends on your definition.
jmo
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