| Jul 29, 2006 @ 9:34 AM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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wawasweetie
Posts: 242
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A friend of mine claims he is scarred for life n now thinks about being a hermit!We've all been hurt n scarred at some point.But how do u make someone that feels like that able to trust again n not punish you for what happened in the past?I want to be closer to him n make him feel safe with me.I'm already his friend,but how can I make him want more n trust that I'm not goig to jerk him arond??
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 10:20 AM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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Bojangles102
Posts: 478
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Don't you know that you can't change a person?....It's his problem..He'll change when he's ready.
The one thing that we know about finding a relationship is that it takes timing.
It's the right time for you but not the right time for him.
Good Luck.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 10:27 AM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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CrackerJackPat
Posts: 794
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As Bo said... "timing" & I would add "time" on this one.
You certainly cannot "rush in" and fix a broken heart; sometimes it has to heal on it's own.
So.... if you figure this one is worth a lot of time.....
The other thing you need to be careful of is that this is not "an attention getter".
Take into consideration how long ago this "burn" happened and how long it's had to "heal" and if he's "picking" at the scab.
My 2 cents. Good luck and bless you for wanting to help & love him.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 10:28 AM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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nightnurse259
Posts: 80
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You cant make him want more, if hes still feeling that he cant trust anyone its just time he needs and you need to be patient and remain a good friend.
He'll realise after a while that your trustworthy and that you wont hurt him but still sounds like he needs a hell of a lot more time, good luck
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 12:59 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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Bojangles102
Posts: 478
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It's best to administer trust in small doses.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 1:24 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 18,619
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Not to mention the fact that you'd better look at your motives too. Are you sure that you're being his friend simply to be his friend, and not just because you want to be more than that? Even if he's being 100% honest about this and eventually does heal, there's a very strong possibility (despite all the romantic movies to the contrary) that he'll find someone else to be his 'significant other', while you're still a friend. You really need to be honest with yourself too.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 1:28 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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CrackerJackPat
Posts: 794
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WOW Heaven.... you're good! Very good point!
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 1:45 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 5,106
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I'm not all together sure he can be "safe" with you... emotionally speaking, that is...... from what I have read of your posts in other threads you have started... I am wondering if you don't need to take care of yourself first, emotionally, so you can offer a safe haven, in terms of a good emotional support relationship for a friend.
IMO you appear to be way to needy right now and need to take stock of your own situation first. then you will be able to offer more to friends.... just saying....
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 2:09 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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GildedLion
Posts: 119
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How can we give you advice if you are not even going to tell us how he was scarred for life, and why being a hermit would be a great solution?
This is the type of thread that will breed inane answers because no other answers can be given. We do not know enough.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 2:29 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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lacyvsq
Posts: 6,176
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OP said:
But how do u make someone that feels like that able to trust again n not punish you for what happened in the past?I want to be closer to him n make him feel safe with me.I'm already his friend,but how can I make him want more n trust that I'm not goig to jerk him arond??
I don't know about you...but anytime someone tries to make me...bye bye 
A wise friend once told me "You can always trust people to be themselves." He probably already trusts you.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 2:35 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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In my opinion, there is no one more attractive than someone who loves and is happy with themselves.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 2:38 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? You take it one day at a time..without pushing and shoving..
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 5:21 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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holding4u
Posts: 1,098
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Have to agree with Heaven. He is not ready and when he is - you might not be the one he chooses.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 5:40 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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maybe you need to ask the question WHY do i want to make him anything he is not ready for? Are you out to try to save him? Are you there for what you want out of the relationship? Are you there for him or yourself? those may sound like ruthless questions But the fact is it's his life and not yours to make him anything.......good or bad it's his choice not yours.......and that could even be an excuse he is using also have you even thought of he doesn't want a relationship?
WHY do women always want to fix somebody ...... 
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 5:42 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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holding4u
Posts: 1,098
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Because we are nurturers by nature (is that another word for SUCKER)
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 5:48 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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sometimes i wonder Holding......... 
to be honest i think some women only think their worth is tied to a man and they will do anything to be attached to 1........then they sit around whinning about how bad he treats me.........duhhhhhh 
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 6:50 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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People heal in their own time....from the pains of living life....the only thing we as humans can do is be compassionate, caring, honest and truthful.....be here not to add hurts to others....in maybe our own selfishness......
HONESTY AND TRUTHFULLNESS are two of the hardest most precious gifts we can give to other humans.....like the doctors oath........ (some modified) FIRST ....CAUSE NO HURT, PAIN AND DISTRUST TO OTHERS.....that's what makes a human a good person.....but that's just my opinion..... 
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 6:55 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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to be honest i think some women only think their worth is tied to a man and they will do anything to be attached to 1........
My personal belief is.....God did not intend for us to live as singles....but coupled to share the strength of the union.....each complimenting the other....and providing shelter, gentleness, emotional support and love each to the other.....maybe that is what....people seek ....when they seek to 'COUPLE" but then does anyone really have the answers to life's questions?.....I sure don't....just a lot of learning via trial and error..... 
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 7:35 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad???
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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It is a good question wawasweetie.
I am not sure but ......... I think a possible “approach” would be to - just try to forget he had his trust smashed in the past.
Just totally forget about trying - just be normal - just have fun act/be normal around him. If he starts talking about it - just say “I am sorry you were hurt” - lets eat or lets get out and play some pool - or lets listen to some fun music.
In other words - acknowledge it - then change the way he is trying to head - change it to something more normal/fun.
My ex wife ripped my heart out - I thnk about it sometimes - I even talk about it sometimes - but would rather not. I think if someone starts thinking about sad stuff - since it is usually in the past - switching to something NOW is a lot better place to be and way more fun.
Just be an upbeat gal - that was then - now is now and now is WAY more fun and a much nicer place to be.
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| Jul 29, 2006 @ 7:42 PM |
How do u gain someone's trust after they have been burned really bad??? |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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if one only can find happiness and approval from the opposite sex then they are going to have a long, unhappy and sad life............if you can't find it within yourself 1st you will never find it through someone else...........
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