| Aug 11, 2006 @ 2:39 AM |
The Holding Pile
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brian2005
Posts: 50
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When some of the picky people do encounter a decent match - they often like to toss that match into a holding pile >>> AKA FRIENDS .......... while they look for more potential matches to “upgrade”. (Ron9)
Do any of you women on matchdoctor place your "decent matches" in a holding pile while looking for a greater match? Be honest now because honesty is a important quality right? If you do have a holding pile don't those "decent matches" have a right to know they're in a holding pile and not your main interest?
Brian
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 3:08 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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sweet5red
Posts: 9,706
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No i dont have a "holding Pile " i am the type that sees or dates one man at a time.. im not making a collection.. If people read my profile its pretty straightforward and says just what im lookin for.. one day i will be lucky when he finds me or visa versa.. Sweet N Louisiana
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 3:16 AM |
The Holding Pile
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WhiteRose1952
Posts: 53
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I have never heard of a "holding pile" ... For Me that's just wrong on so many accounts...When I do My search I do alot of looking way before I even contact them and should they contact Me I go and read their "WHOLE" Profile from cover to cover and should there be something in there that catches My eye and that Maybe something could come of it I will reply...It's hard enough as it is trying to find someone online and to One needs to be careful and be aware of so many things ..I do not know How You Men do it for I can only speak for Myself and there could be some other Ladies that May agree with Me on this part that Us LADIES have certain things that We are looking for and no two Ladies will be looking for the same thing ..For what's Important to One isn't to another...Oh We all look for the "Looks", We look for them to be "HONEST" ...You Men need to give Us more Credit than You do sometimes...Plus, We are so tired of being Lied to, Played for a Fool, and then I believe this is a topper for Us well at least for Me that is...For instance, A Man replies , I go READ his profile, and Yes I could be interested so I reply back ..then from there maybe it goes to Instant Messaging and that's when everything falls into place...The MAN hasn't really READ My Profile for it he had He wouldn't be asking be questions right off the bat that were already answered in My profile ...Why not READ THE WhOLE Profile first then go from there and inquire about things that are important or the other one is interested in ..that's a much better approach than starting off with the basics for if the MAN had READ the profile He would have the basics already...Or should have...This happens way too often in My book..I thought that was the whole purpose of a profile to begin with..First BE HONEST, Give information about Yourself that would catch the others eye or would want to contact You but do not LIE...Maybe someone out there could explain why MEN will not READ what You have written ...for if He doesn't at least do this simple thing what's that saying to You about later on ...cause to know someone One has to start with the basics and build from there..which starts off at being HONEST first..for if One cannot be HONEST on their profile then what are You doing here in the first place..For to have a Relationship that would be long lasting it must start off with being HONEST first...Of course this is just My opinion and how I see it...Having a "holding pile" that's just wrong...I have more Respect than that..and to Me that's just another form of degrading a Person though put into a different form and styled different to make it sound better,,,,Nope that's just not My style or the way I was taught...Life is hard enough as it is without doing that....Again everyone has different opinions and how they see things...That's what makes Us so Unique...and to answer "do I have a "holding pile"? NO and Heck NO...It's better to say something upfront to clear the waters if You are not interested or nothing is there though I wish You all the best in what You are looking for than to put them in a "Holding pile" ...I Hope there will be other Ladies answering this for I would also like to know their thoughts on this as well...Thanks, CJ
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 3:34 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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LatinButterfly
Posts: 687
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After I look at a profile of someone who's written me, if there isn't much info to decide compatibility I point that out to them to give them a chance to let me know why I should consider them as a possible match. But if they list anything that is among my "non-negotiables" that is usually the end of it. Maybe some young women/men might be the ones doing that???
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 3:58 AM |
The Holding Pile
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brian2005
Posts: 50
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The "young ones" are. Most women I've known would talk or even see several guys at once in order to find the best fit I guess. Like trying several shoes in order to see which ones you're most comfortable with. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. I just think that if you're going to place guys in a holding pile you need to let them know and quit playing games. As far as reading the profiles, I do read the profiles. Sometimes it's impossible to remember every miniscule detail though, especially if you profile is like a college essay. Sometimes, I ask women the questions that are already on the profile in order to see if they are consistant and to hear what they are looking for verbally. Plus, it's really hard to constantly have to come up with stuff to talk about, and if I don't there's always complete silence. I'm not much of a phone person anyways. Women seem to spend all day on the phone. Women say they want honesty, but if you ask me does my dress make me look fat, do you really want an honest answer?
Brian
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 3:59 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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I am laughing so hard I can hardly type.
Brian2005 you don’t really expect any of the females to admit to that do you 
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 4:46 AM |
The Holding Pile
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LatinButterfly
Posts: 687
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Brian,
I agree that some people say they want honesty but then they can't handle it, lol! I would NEVER ask such questions, thank goodness when I was young I was skinny so I knew my clothes fit well, lol!
I think it's a matter of upbringing, for which sometimes we cannot be fully blamed. Where/when I grew up it was considered rude to tell people certain things that might hurt their feelings so "social white lies" were a common thing. I was guilty of giving out my phone number and then telling whoever answered "tell him I'm not here" or making up excuses to not go out with a guy I didn't like rather than tell him "I'm not interested" or worse yet "you're not my type" but that would've been unthinkable back then!
It took reaching a certain age, reading the right books and realizing all those "nice little fibs" weren't doing more harm than good and I was getting similar treatment (and still am) from men who didn't have the courage to tell me how they felt and instead "disappeared". But awareness is only the first step, then one has to practice. I began doing that here but have gotten blasted a few times by I suppose less than stable guys and at first it really upset me so I often would not reply messages from people who didn't interest me. Recently, I was glad I was getting to know somebody so I had a "real" excuse for not wanting to correspond with some guys. They accepted that reply and wished me well but I keep wondering what would've happened if I'd just simply told them "thanks but I'm not interested", see? So, sometimes it's a "no-win" situation... Yet, I think if we all decide to be STRAIGHTFORWARD a lot of those "games" will eventually cease!
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 7:50 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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I've noticed it before, but I've always thought of it as being on the "B list", as in "He seems to be a nice guy, but let me check out these 5 really hot guys first"
Not something to take personally.
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 8:41 AM |
The Holding Pile
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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I don't have a "holding pile," but I don't have a problem dating different men at the same time, until I know I want to be exclusive with someone. Latching on to one person, expecting exclusivity and total commitment right off the bat feels wrong for me.
MJ
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 9:16 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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 Brian, if you're in a "Holding Pile", would you REALLY want to be told??
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 9:19 AM |
The Holding Pile
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wvbluebaby
Posts: 605
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well...just what is a holding pile?
if you talk to different people, is that game playing?
if you date different people, does that make you a player?
how do you decide who is right or wrong for you, unless you test the waters?
so many questions...lol
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 10:15 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Do any of you women on matchdoctor place your "decent matches" in a holding pile while looking for a greater match? My guess is that no more women do this than do men. 
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 10:18 AM |
The Holding Pile
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Loreli
Posts: 25,413
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I agree with wv-
Maybe women just have several guys they consider wonderful friends, no holding pile.
Sometimes relationships much deeper develope out of that type of start.
Maybe it's just that women care about them in some way, enough to communicate, but none of them have swept them off their feet. And maybe one of those friends WILL at some point.
It seems to me that a mature intelligent man would figure he wasn't numero uno and not want/expect an attachment.
Or maybe he has his own "holding pile."
edited to correct my spelling of intelligent
[Edited on 8/11/2006 11:12 AM]
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 10:58 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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holding pile...nope notta.....not gonna catch me holding a pile.... 
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 11:53 AM |
The Holding Pile
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Dovestreasure
Posts: 3,419
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Oh my! I may communicate with more then one man at a time , but I do not sort them into catagories. Once I meet someone and we hit it off , he will be the one Im dating only. I will very graciously tell anyone else I may have been talking to that I am seeing someone now. They are not kept as a reserve incase this one does not work out, I would not want someone to do that to me.
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 11:54 AM |
The Holding Pile |
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charzie82
Posts: 77
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i don't know about other women on this site, but sometimes you just want to have a guy as a friend. i mean, say a guy emails me. we start talking and i get the feeling we won't click romantically, that's no reason to dismiss him entirely. i mean, i could end up with a great friend! and you never know...i've known a few male/female friendships that became marriages!
so, i try to give everyone a chance.
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 12:09 PM |
The Holding Pile
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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When I first read this, I thought it was in reference to our "Friends" list here on MD!
This would make me really open minded I guess. If it doesn't work out with any of the guys, I can go right on to the gals!
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 12:14 PM |
The Holding Pile |
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lj450
Posts: 9,551
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Im not big on women with......."piles"
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 12:43 PM |
The Holding Pile
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wvbluebaby
Posts: 605
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geez lj...not even the front ones??? 
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| Aug 11, 2006 @ 1:05 PM |
The Holding Pile |
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lj450
Posts: 9,551
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Yeah, I guess if it was a pile of boobies that would be cool.
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