| Aug 13, 2006 @ 1:48 PM |
Relations with the "EX"
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NoCuteLines
Posts: 263
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Not quite sure which forum to put this in so here it will be.
Before I divorced my ex (5 years ago), she got a "one up" on me, no details needed, but in effect it was like she had a knife planted between a couple of my ribs and she would frequently give it a twist...just for kicks.
After years of this constant antagonizing, I truly hated the woman...there was no reason for her to keep up the hostilities, but she wouldn't stop. To make a REALLY LONG story short, the shiv was removed a couple of days ago and within a few of hours I found myself reminiscing about our 17 years together and what our kids had been through, how much better things are going to be for everyone now and then I realized that I didn't Hate her anymore, but actually do care about what happens to her. After all, she is the mother of my children and I want them to love their mother and have a healthy relationship with her.
I guess I'd like your response to "How many of you have had romantic encounters with your EX?" Not that I'm entertaining the thought, but if the opportunity presents itself...would I be nuts or is it kind of normal?
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 2:32 PM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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UserNameWithoutAnyNumbers
Posts: 207
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It's uncanny, I have just been through the very same emotions. In my case it was a bad car accident her first daughter(not mine) was involved in that made me sit down and say to myself that I will not harbour any hard feelings toward my ex, as she has enough on her plate looking after her daughter.
So I decide to forgive her for absolutely everything and we get on great, it's nice for the kids to see us getting along (no arguments etc.).
Then I found that all the strong feelings of love for her had returned, and in fact had never left (it was easier to hate her than deal with my own feeling). Same as you, neither of us will ever entertain the thought of a reconciliation, but I found myself wondering that if she did suggest it out of the blue would I do it?
I too would be interested to hear how many people have got back together, and how many lasted? does it work or is it two people remembering the good times and forgetting all the bad, that is until they start seeing eachother again.
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 2:35 PM |
Relations with the "EX"
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irisheagle
Posts: 2,541
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this seems to be a pretty normal feeling for alot of people that
have been in LT relationships. It is said that what you may or may not be feeling
"IS NORMAL". It's kind of a Comfort factor, you know What she's like and she knows what your like and have had 17 years to get that way.
So i'd Say Sure if she agrees with it and you both feel comfortable why not.
But here's The reason it wouldn't work for me.
i Normaly won't go back to the cave i once lived in because
it would bring back those feelings or maybe worse give me hope
that we would have another chance. unfortunately i'm the type that
puts alot of meaning into having Sex/making love. i haven't til recently
been able to distinquise a difference between them to me, as i'm always about giving and not caring about receiving. so in my opinoin it undermines the
breakup. yea some say as long as your adults about it and can seperate
that part of your relationship then sure why not, But after 17 years, can you?
i know i couldn't!!
Bottom Line: it's something pretty normal but at the same time
you'll have to discuss it with her to see how she feels about it.
Good luck in what ever yuo decide or manage to do.
Just MHO
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 4:56 PM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,635
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It's great to keep a non-hostile relationsip with the ex, for the children's sake...no mattter how old they are. The ex and I would always discuss what was going on with the children, holidays weren't a problem, and less stress was less tension for the kids.
As far as sexual relations with the ex...that happened a couple of times while we were seperated and that was it. There is a reason they are exes.
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 6:36 PM |
Relations with the "EX"
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alachuabrian
Posts: 115
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This is WAAAYY too FUNNY..!!
Hmm... lessee here... you're on a dating site, purportedly trying to find someone NEW...
In the meantime... just for kicks... you're wondering about screwing the Ex... just to 'take the edge off'... while "Mrs. Right" slowly wanders into the picture...
Now.. this brings to mind several questions... like ;
Do you plan to keep screwing the Ex, well AFTER "Mrs. Right" contacts you on MD..?
Do you plan to tell the next "Mrs. Right" that you & the Ex will be sleeping together... just once in a while... for old times sake... for the rest of your LIFE..?
Are threesomes a possibility here..?
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 6:44 PM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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holding4u
Posts: 1,098
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NEVER - if I don't like you enough to stay married to you - I don't like you enough to do anything else with you.
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 8:25 PM |
Relations with the "EX"
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irisheagle
Posts: 2,541
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 ^^^^^^^ i knew i was totally off my Cookoo
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| Aug 13, 2006 @ 8:46 PM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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NoCuteLines
Posts: 263
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This is WAAAYY too FUNNY..!!
I should have expected such sophomoric replies. I would feel like a bully if I were to attack any of the endless opportunities you've exposed, so I'll just let you have your fun.
I would say though that, at your age, I'm surprised at the degree of misinterpretation of my question?
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 12:40 AM |
Relations with the "EX"
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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I made the mistake of a continued relationship with my ex wife. We were also married 17 years.
She got her own place and divorced me - that should have been my clue - but noooooooooooooo - dumb ass me keep boinking her.
The fact is - we always did like each other and still do. The - too bad “for me” side is - she is STILL they type of female that I am attracted to.
I just wish the f*@* - I could make a two way match and put an end it it.
Don't let the insutls bother you NoCuteLines - I get the same chit here myself. Some of these people think they know it all.
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 2:49 AM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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LatinButterfly
Posts: 687
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Oh come on, you posted this because you have already entertained the thought of having sex with her and it gives you some reassurance that you're not "alone" by getting all those responses but, really, who do you think you're kidding??? This time I happen to agree with alachuabrian...
My 2nd ex made sure he 'slipped' by me how he'd stayed "friendly" with his previous ex so when we separated I made it clear to him that was NOT to be the case with us, because of his issues any attempt at friendliness always backfired on me so we don't communicate at all. My thoughts are similar to holdin4u's...
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 3:16 AM |
Relations with the "EX"
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SunBabe
Posts: 12,279
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I've known people who've maintained 'relations' with ex's, at least until one or the other found a new spouse/SO -- perhaps because that was one area they were comfortable with (the bedroom), or at least they were "comfortable" with each other (like a favorite snuggly blankie?  )
For me, personally, I've had no inclination whatsoever to consider anything with my ex-husband. Heck, if "it" wasn't there for the last 8-10 years of marriage, I certainly couldn't re-invent it (or even imagine it) afterward...
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 3:58 AM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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Timber52
Posts: 11,888
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This is WAAAYY too FUNNY..!!
Hmm... lessee here... you're on a dating site, purportedly trying to find someone NEW...
In the meantime... just for kicks... you're wondering about screwing the Ex... just to 'take the edge off'... while "Mrs. Right" slowly wanders into the picture...
[B]I have been guilty also, but I also would not start a new relationship until I knew in my heart that if the ex called, I would not go..TG I am there now!! 
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 7:23 AM |
Relations with the "EX"
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NoCuteLines
Posts: 263
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Where is the delete post button?
[Edited on 8/14/2006 7:52 AM]
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 7:48 AM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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I guess I'd like your response to "How many of you have had romantic encounters with your EX?" Not that I'm entertaining the thought, but if the opportunity presents itself...would I be nuts or is it kind of normal?
Ooh, let's see, this is a tough one. (Sarcasm emphasized). You have wondered about making love to a woman who bore your children and whom you were involved and in love with for the better part of 17 years?
PERFECTLY normal.
I, personally, haven't done it -- the "too much water under the bridge" thing, you know -- but I've certainly thought about it. Love just doesn't die completely, especially when you've been with someone that long. And even if the "love" isn't still there, the familiarity is, which lends a certain level of comfort and security.
Nothing abnormal about that whatsoever.
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 7:48 AM |
Relations with the "EX"
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NoCuteLines
Posts: 263
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There is nothing written between the lines. Let me give you some operative clues to the scenario. I divorced my ex I truly hated the woman 17 years together but actually do care about what happens to her. After all, she is the mother of my children my question was "if the opportunity presents itself...would I be nuts or is it kind of normal?" In reality, I couldn't reestablish any kind of intimate relationship because it would send the wrong message to her. I know she still loves me and probably always will and even though she is my EX, I wouldn't disrespect her to that extent. Maybe I'm thinking about all of this because our last encounter (over 5 yrs. ago) left her unsatisfied and that's just not my style, probably still feel a little guilty about that. Sadly though, Sex was the only thing that remained in our relationship and it was that way for years...we were definately good together.
So read into it what you will, but I really was looking for the answer to my question and not your interpretation of if.
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 7:54 AM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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jeanc200358
Posts: 934
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NoCute, that's admirable that you're worried five years later that you left her unsatisfied. But I would hope that in five years' time she has since been satisfied, some way or another! If not, I would imagine she would have come back to you and made you "finish the job," so to speak.
If she still has strong feelings for you, unless you plan on getting back together with her, I wouldn't "even go there," for obvious reasons.
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 10:51 PM |
Relations with the "EX"
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Timber52
Posts: 11,888
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. Maybe I'm thinking about all of this because our last encounter (over 5 yrs. ago) left her unsatisfied and that's just not my style
5 yrs!!
sorry.. but 5 yrs later
Hey, I say go for it..
you can't go to your grave feeling guilty!! 
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| Aug 14, 2006 @ 11:15 PM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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wvbluebaby
Posts: 605
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speaking as an ex with a few years under her belt....lol
i think the feelings you are having are normal...but instead of jumping into the sack with her, for the kids sakes, let the feelings develop into a mutual respect and a sense of having moved on..
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| Aug 15, 2006 @ 2:24 AM |
Relations with the "EX"
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ravensday
Posts: 388
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I never re-cross a bridge I have burned, so therefore No Nubbies with the ex...and Yucky by the way....I saw my ex-husband (father of both my kids) at my sons HS graduation-it had been around 10 years since the last time I had seen him and I am STILL trying to figure out what I saw in him all those years ago...I think they must have improved eye glasses or something.
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| Aug 15, 2006 @ 2:27 AM |
Relations with the "EX" |
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nah12
Posts: 3,973
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"if the opportunity presents itself...would I be nuts or is it kind of normal?" i'd say nutter than a freaking fruit cake...... why would you want to go down a dead end street when you are on the fast track outta town per say?  cause surly you don't want to be on a slow boat to China with her do ya?
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