| Sep 23, 2006 @ 11:39 AM |
Not knowing how to deal with your own emotions or feelings in a relationship.
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Always_Striving
Posts: 8,794
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I was thinking about people that don't know to deal with other people that they don't want to have a serious relationship with but seem to like to have them for good company to talk to. A pet project, if you will.
They just don't seem to find the courage to tell the other that they are either not their type, they are not sexy enough, or that any possibility for a relationship will never come to light for any miscellaneous number of reasons....distance, work, commitments, etc...
Some of these people prefer pen pals or attention but keep the other person thinking that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or that they are making progress, leading them on- so to say.
So what should people do before they open this can of worms and realize that it has become an out of control emotional roller coaster dilemma between the two of them on the verge of the point of no return?
How many people would just prefer to say: Look Buddy or Missy, give it up, there is never going to be a future between us and never was, wake up from the fantasy. Oh I imagine that is too mean  . Maybe a kinder set of words is more appropriate?
What would YOU do or how would you handle this situation if you were faced with it?
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| Sep 23, 2006 @ 10:28 PM |
Not knowing how to deal with your own emotions or feelings in a relationship. |
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Naej
Posts: 23
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In my adventures and relationships I have found being upfront is good for the fun flings.
The more serious emoitions that develop with someone tend to throw a person off guard and we all seem so gaurded and it becomes this delicate situation. Most of the time we know when our feelings are recipocated. Sometimes, however, one will fall in love and the other only lusts. So out of greed perhaps and their selfishness, the lusty may lead on the one in love until the fun begins to run out and so do they.
There really are so many possible situations and so many possible endings, good and bad. You just have to go with the flow and if it's down the path you want to go to, then great but the other person may not be ready. Timing and chance are so essential, as well as honesty and emotional maturity, of course, most people are seventeen all through there life, too busy mastering their career, striving to be a success but to be sucessful at loving another person is another situation, one that you can't control, like you can your career. When emotions get in the way and everything becomes so dramatic so qucikly and nobody wants to get hurt, including yourself, sometimes we lie to not hurt someone, sometimes we lie or avoid someone to avoid getting hurt ourselves.
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| Sep 25, 2006 @ 1:28 AM |
Not knowing how to deal with your own emotions or feelings in a relationship.
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dark_moon
Posts: 158
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The best thing to do in the first place is not to lead anyone on. And, not to let someone rush you toward anything you aren't ready for. In any new relationship I maintain one hand on the brake lever at all times, and I'm not afraid to pull it.
If you don't lead a person on in the first place, then they don't feel betrayed or lied to when you have to have 'the talk' and say "this just isn't going any further".
Also a few times I have found myself in the situation that a guy just wanted more than I was willing to give. Generaly in the currency of time. In which case I was simply honest in telling them that I couldn't give them what they needed so they should move on....and we could still be friends bla bla bla.
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| Sep 25, 2006 @ 1:35 AM |
Not knowing how to deal with your own emotions or feelings in a relationship. |
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Palomino
Posts: 7,635
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I would prefer to be told to "wake up from the fantasy". 
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| Sep 25, 2006 @ 5:59 AM |
Not knowing how to deal with your own emotions or feelings in a relationship.
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beckyiv42000
Posts: 14,576
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I have recently had to do just this.. tell someone i totally care about that there was no chemistry other than friendship... bought broke my heart cause I knewI was hurting him but leading someone on is just not something I can do and well we are stronger friends for it (thank god) ... there are verymany subtle ways of letting someone down easy there is very rarely a reason to be rude or mean to do it too... and I much rather be told than be lead on I mean why try not to hurt my feelings ?? the onger ya wiat the harder it hurts..
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| Sep 25, 2006 @ 4:05 PM |
Not knowing how to deal with your own emotions or feelings in a relationship. |
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Jackeys
Posts: 151
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I was recently in a similar situation where the guy was pretty upfront about
not wanting anything serious with me but he still wanted to date me. He liked
me but didn't want a relationship. I liked him too, I liked him soo much that
I tried to convince myself that I was cool just casually dating him, knowing
that he didn't feel the same for me.
Long story short, I guess you can say he was kind of misleading. He would
say how he felt about relationships and how he felt about me, but yet and still
his actions of still wanting to hang out and spend time together confused me.
On one hand I know he was being selfish because he liked the attention. Ultimately, it took for me to say that I was leaving the situation because we clearly didn't want the same thing.
I know I can never lead someone on, but some people are self-absorbed and egotistical, even when they tell you the truth they're still being misleading. I think
it's mean to build up any kind of hope in a person when you know there isn't any
there, but the other person also has to be emotionally mature enough to know when it's time to let go. I don't believe that everything has to be said all the time because actions always speak louder than words and if you're emotionally mature you know when someone just isn't that into you, but it is best if everyone involved just lays their true intentions on the line then no one gets hurt and no one gets blamed.
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