| Nov 22, 2005 @ 12:02 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I've recently had some winks/emails from women that live hundreds (a couple cases more than 1,500) miles away, even though my distance limit is stated quite clearly in my profile.
My take. Chemistry, compatibility, and all the other things you need for a relationship to work means nothing if you don't have the ability to actually "be" with the other person on a consistent basis. I would think in order to gauge whether a long term relationship is viable you'd have to "see" that other person in a variety of situations, with their hair down, so to speak, warts and all.
For those like me that aren't independently wealthy or have an open, flexible schedule, that can't happen if the contact lives so far away we could only get together two or three times a month, if that.
Now, for those that live in rural areas there's not really an alternative to distance dating, since they would exhaust their pool of local choices very fast. If they can do it, or find a partner willing/able to do it, more power to them.
My question is really to the people like me. I live in a large metro area, so, theoretically at least, I should have more than enough eligible choices within driving distance. I shouldn't "need" to go outside this area.
What's your opinion on the subject?
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 12:03 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
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I believe that if both of yall are serious about being together and trying to make it work out and especially if maybe feelings are involved that it's cool to travel long distances for the other person.If you just want to get laid...Keep it local I was say...Atleast within 200 miles of you.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 12:13 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Distance would scare me off as far as a relationship was concerned. How do you really get to know another when you don't have the face to face? It takes a long ime to really get to know someone, sometimes you don't even see the real person till after you decide to "move in". If someone travelled thousands of kilometers to be with me and it wasn't working out I think I'd feel a sense of responsibility to that person and then feel stuck. On the other hand great friendships and companions can be made with no prob due to distance issues and arn't we all supposed to be friends first? Think I may have just contradicted myself. I have heard success stories and terrible tragedies... Guess my response is after that long winded answer is who knows? 
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 12:34 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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No contradiction at all, wandaful ~ wink. I see where you're coming from. I've had pen pals from across the country, even all the way from England. Correspondence friends are no problem. There's no relationship commitment, no expectations to carry things further, no strings. However, if the intent is on creating a relationship, you're absolutely right. Distance would be a problem if the couple couldn't afford the time and money to make it work.
That goes to what taboo said. Yes taboo, if the couple in question has the wherewithal to make it work, there's no problem, is there? But I don't have the money, time, or patience from my end. Does that mean if I find a woman that can from hers I let her spend whatever resources she wants, even though it may not work out? If things don't, do I feel guilty for letting her expend all that energy, or feel I took advantage of her goodwill?
There are no easy answers.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 12:56 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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ash_is_unforgetable
Posts: 842
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I think it all depends on the situation. One of the biggest things with a long distance relationship is one would have to move if it got serious. Which should be brought up right away cause there is no sense in seeing if a possible relationship could be established if neither are willing to move. I think if two people really grow to like or love each other that anything is possible then, why limit possible love to a distance in miles? I also think its easier to get to know someone if you can't spend alot of time together, because if you only talk on the phone or emails mostly then you have to talk, where in person you could just sit there and have alot of time together, but not talking or geting to truely know the other person. And it makes you appriate the other person alot better when your time together is limited or rare.
*AsH
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 12:58 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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goodcatch57
Posts: 355
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Good question.
Personally I think the internet dating thing's best feature is the ability to cover the planet. If you live in a major metropolitan area, why mess with the internet? Just spend some time in a nice local park or other decent gathering place for people. Your local super market is a good bet, seriously.
So on any given Friday night how many people are here versus how many people are out on the town in your town.
I've been at the online dating thing for a long time. 5 dates in total to show for it. I've made lots of great friends all over the planet though.
Nothing will ever be a better alternative to "getting out there" if it's happening in your area.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 1:03 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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I also think its easier to get to know someone if you can't spend alot of time together, because if you only talk on the phone or emails mostly then you have to talk, where in person you could just sit there and have alot of time together, but not talking or geting to truely know the other person.
I strongly disagree, you only truely get to know someone when you inhabit the same space. Its far too easy to be on best behaivour mode on the phone or in short visits. Not saying this is done intentionally but is done. Human nature I think.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 5:17 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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ash_is_unforgetable
Posts: 842
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I guess I didnt phrase that right, I just ment in person its easier to just be comfortable with the person where ya spend time with each other but your so comfortable with them that the conversations become less.
*AsH
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 7:30 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
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I'm not going anywhere but I would accept someone coming from anywhere. The big deal breaker for me is a combination of distance and her family situation. I can't, with a clear conscience drag some woman half way around the world without being able to tell her when or even if she'll ever see her parents, brothers, and sisters etc again.
Any place inside the USA, Canada or Mexico would be much better because if all else fails she can drive to see her family or if she simply wants to go home.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 7:35 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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Greystone1
Posts: 1,677
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Never say never, but distance is a huge problem if not a deal breaker. There are enough potential matches in my own area that I don't need to travel.
Or as I often say, "I don't need to travel. I can be disappointed locally."
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 7:46 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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DEVIL_U_KNOW
Posts: 113
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devils advocate time.
I have been in ldr's and find that it isn't that big of a deal. the last one ended up really well, cause i married her. some have been the worst, and some have become the greatest of friends. either way, if you only date the ones close to you, sometimes you miss out on what else is out there. not saying that dating within your area isn't a bad thing. but sometimes it comes from out of the blue, and you never see it coming, then all of a sudden you are in a ldr, and working on your first meeting.
just my 2 cents, take it or leave it.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 8:12 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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soulless_spirit
Posts: 444
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  mind over matter
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 8:25 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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summersquall
Posts: 518
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With communication mediums what they are today, I think it's much easier to attempt a long distance relationship than it ever was. One big advantage I see is that both people in a long distance relationship would have more at stake, especially considering one of the people involved would eventually be relocating. When it's your own local area, things become more 'disposable' I think.
I think LDR can work and work well, but I think as in any relationship you get out of it what you put into it.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 8:37 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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I don't believe love will be a "choice" for me or that I will "pick" the person from a geographical location. I believe that when the time is right, love will happen, and whoever he is and WHEREever he is, we will have to be together and we will make it work because we can't have it any other way. 
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 8:48 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Awwww, Waiting. 
Gorgeous pic, btw.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 8:49 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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and they walked off into the sunset, and lived happily ever after... 
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 8:57 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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waiting41
Posts: 1,926
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I have to go see what the dog is barking at.
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 9:01 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Wandaful, you're an extremely Hot, Cutie Babe yourself. 
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 10:09 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not?
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wandaful123
Posts: 1,614
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Wandaful, you're an extremely Hot, Cutie Babe yourself.
and just how does one to respond to that? I wonder what that dog was barking at??
Ps... according to MD we are over 8,000 miles apart? safety in numbers.... ironic considering this thread ( don't get me wrong, compliments always accepted )
[Edited on 11/22/2005 10:08 AM]
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| Nov 22, 2005 @ 10:34 AM |
Distance?...deal breaker or not? |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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According to some in this thread, wanda, if there's a will there's a way? Distance does not matter, only a number? We'll just send them all our bills for the plane rides, hotels, car rentals, etc. I'm sure they won't mind.
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