| Oct 26, 2006 @ 11:05 PM |
The preferences of women
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FakeAppendix
Posts: 78
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I read the forum here, and only occasionally post, so I doubt anyone notices the name, but I still have a question.
Just how important are looks in the eyes of women. More specifically, in the eyes of women my age (26-30). I have been debating with some guys at work, and they seem to think that women don't give a crap about what a guy looks like (both are married), while I maintain that women say they don't care, but apply a litmus test based on looks before they will even consider getting to know him. I will admit that I am not a looker, and my photo is not up since the last time I did put it up, it was so that someone I was messaging could see(needless to say, I didn't hear any more from them after posting it).
I guess I would like to know if my admittedly cynical view is correct, or if I am simply psychologically damaged (I always knew those paint chips would come back to haunt me).
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 9:23 AM |
The preferences of women |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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I think in our deep subconscious somewhere we each have a mental image of our 'ideal' partner, with pictures included, and because of this certain 'types' are attractive to us. Such a blueprint would be formed when we are very young based on important role models of the opposite sex.
However, this does not mean that we cannot become attracted to others upon getting to know their personalities better. I have found from personal experience that people become 'used' to each other's appearance, even if they are very attractive.
In essence, I believe that looks are important only for an immediate attraction, but personality and warmth are important for longer lasting attractions.
I don't think I am saying this very well...I better have another coffee, and try again later. 
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 9:30 AM |
The preferences of women
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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Does looks matter? To some extent, yes they do.
If I do not feel a physical attraction to a man, I know it is
not going to go anywhere.
But personality and disposition also play a very important role
in physical attraction. I have dated georgeous looking men only
to find out their personality sux, so that was it with them.
Then again, what one woman may see as a sexy man is not
always necessarily what another woman may see. Everyone is
different and what they like are different.
Some women are turned on by tattoos and piercings where I on the
other hand will not date a man with several tattoos. I won't date a man
that has piercings, long hair and tattoos .. just my preference.
I feel you will get alot of feedback on this topic. Good Luck!
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 9:38 AM |
The preferences of women |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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OF COURSE looks matter. But that doesn't mean if you're not Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts, you're doomed to be alone.
Everyone's idea of what is attractive is different. Yes, there has to be something there that catches the other's eye but that could be a great smile or brown eyes or a bald head or a funny laugh.
A lot of people will give you the warm fuzzy answer, "Oh, I look at the inside of a person, not the outside." Bullshit. You look at the outside first and if you find that interesting, you want to look at the inside. The outside means different things to different people, but everyone still looks at it.
MJ
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 9:49 AM |
The preferences of women
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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uhoh razzired im in trouble 
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 10:43 AM |
The preferences of women |
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Danger
Posts: 1,246
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i agree...there has to be physical attraction to someone-otherwise the chemistry isn't there to get the hormones going. everyone has a different idea as to what THEY think is attractive or what they are looking for...
but i do want to add that if you are looking for someone on a dating site-a photo of you really is the key!
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 11:42 AM |
The preferences of women
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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razz.... A lot of people will give you the warm fuzzy answer, "Oh, I look at the inside of a person, not the outside." Bullshit. You look at the outside first and if you find that interesting, you want to look at the inside
excellent stated...and with that said.....each of us is attracted to different things about the opposite sex....what one person will find attractive, another might not even notice, or might be a big turn off...I for one, watch how a man carried him self, just walking.......I find that very sexy and attractive, where on the other hand....no matter how handsome a man is in the face, a "Dunlap" is a way, big turn off....Some women like a man with lots of body hair, I like a man with very little to no chest hair and would find huge amounts of body hair (chest and back) a big turn off....
The last man, I was involved with, who had my passion and hormones raging, was by no means attractive to most women. He was 5'7", slight built, very very little body hair, non on his chest or back. But he had a command of his presence and carried himself like a giant.....very self confident, well educated and intelligent, quite spoken and outgoing.
The deal breaker in the end......he was unable to share emotionally and he drank to escape memories of his military career.... retired army counter intelligence operative....some times people are called on to do bad things for the safety of our country.
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 2:37 PM |
The preferences of women |
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FakeAppendix
Posts: 78
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I must say, I was hoping to be wrong, but one such as myself comes to learn that dissapointment is the norm.
I appreciate the time you folks have taken to answer my question.
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 2:54 PM |
The preferences of women
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bevrice
Posts: 11,141
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Fakeappendix, what a funny name. I love it.
I wanted to tell you that I had a friend in the age group you are speaking of who was only attracted to very very ugly men. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
We women are strange creatures, one of us may think this one or that one is hot and someone else may think we are crazy that that one isn't hot or cute or good looking at all. Just a matter of personal taste.
Women also tend to look more to the inside and want to know the person and love the whole person more than men do, so looks can be simply a covering for the good stuff that is inside.
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 2:58 PM |
The preferences of women |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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So, why are you disappointed?
I have to reiterate - everyone has a different standard in what they find attractive.
I hate to use celebrities to make a point, but at least we all know what they look like, so bear with me.
Brad Pitt-pretty boy looks do nothing for me. I'm not impressed with calendar boys or men who get their muscles from gym machines.
But, put me within ten feet of somebody like Trace Adkins, who is not "handsome" by any stretch of the imagination, a man who looks like he's been through the fire and has the scars to prove it -- that kind of guy I'm all over.
There are "biker dudes," covered in tattoos and head wraps and long braids that give me the creeps. There are other women who eat those guys up with spoons.
Get it yet?
Yes, everyone notices looks. No, everyone doesn't notice the same thing about looks.
I'm far from the warmy fuzzy kind of person who'll tell you to cheer up, there's someone for everyone. Frankly, I don't necessarily believe that. But I do know if you already think you're not going to find someone, you already have one strike against you before you even get to the plate. You definitely won't get a hit if you don't bother swinging.
MJ - out of baseball analogies
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 3:04 PM |
The preferences of women
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Women also tend to look more to the inside and want to know the person and love the whole person more than men do, so looks can be simply a covering for the good stuff that is inside.
It's too bad we're not beyond this kind of sexist attitude. Women don't hold a monopoly on falling for the character of a person, or being able to love "the whole person." Men are just as capable of seeing and just as often do see the soul of a person, instead of the artificial exterior.
Too many women don't give men enough credit for being emotionally intelligent and having a larger range of feelings and thoughts than just wondering what else is on TV.
MJ
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 3:14 PM |
The preferences of women |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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Hear Ye, Hear Ye....Absolutely Agree with my Gal Pal, MJ. 
I like so many different "looks" of women I can't keep track.
I've been on dates with women that would make men faint dead away and they've done nothing for me because of their personality.
The one woman that turned me on the most in my life was my second long-term relationship girlfriend, Bernice. She had a disfigured hand from a burn injury suffered from epilepsy and large (natural) moles all over her back, but she was sexy as hell to me. Just thinking of her gets me, ahem, elevated ~ wink.
It's not (or at least shouldn't) be about "conventional" beauty, but who you find attractive.
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 3:18 PM |
The preferences of women
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sissycat411
Posts: 1,248
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great point razz .....we all tend to stereo type men and women at times and your correct....there are some great guys out there...who are capable of deep emotions and truly loving with awesome feelings and passion......
I've met one who shows me that side of himself....time will tell.....and if so....its been well worth the wait and wading through the others....Made me really sit up and recognize the one who appears to be different. and soooooooooo funny... 
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 3:36 PM |
The preferences of women |
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FakeAppendix
Posts: 78
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I don't think I really need anyone to cheer me up. I am just really close to throwing in the towel with the whole dating thing. Time and energy can be better spent on actually accomplishing something (which will make life much more satisfying). I just like to get opinions from as diverse a crowd as I can, and from what I see here, and elsewhere I don't feel that I was much off the mark.
The problem comes with supply and demand. Sure I know there are some women that may give me a chance, but there won't be many, and there are plenty more guys like me than there are women for us. It seems that supply of the 'most desired' is short enough that people allow themselves to be mistreated and used rather than having to search for someone of 'lesser quality' to have a relationship with. Life is not fair, and there is no point in whining about it. But apparently I felt it worth the effort to ask around as to how other people felt about it.
I notice that the crowd here is slightly older than I am on average and most of you seem to have a pretty clear view of the way things are, and the sense to know there is no point in lying about how the world works. That's the kind of honesty I was hoping to get, and I thank you for that.
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 4:09 PM |
The preferences of women
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LavenderMoonlight
Posts: 553
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Well Fake..since I'm not in your age category...i'll pass on by this thread LMAO
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 4:26 PM |
The preferences of women |
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Empath
Posts: 5,288
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It seems that supply of the 'most desired' is short enough that people allow themselves to be mistreated and used rather than having to search for someone of 'lesser quality' to have a relationship with.
I have to disagree with this statement. People allow themselves to be mistreated due to low self-esteem, not because of supply and demand.
Also, the people of 'lesser quality' are those that do the mistreating, not those that don't have magazine beauty.
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| Oct 27, 2006 @ 4:27 PM |
The preferences of women
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Fake, I think you're not giving yourself enough credit.
Your profile shows a great sense of humor (even if it does have some spacebar issues  ), and a great sense of humor can go a long way.
I don't say nice things for the hell of it, so pay attention.
MJ
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| Oct 28, 2006 @ 4:53 PM |
The preferences of women |
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everrett
Posts: 471
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I know I want it all, looks, intelligence, personality and compatabliity. I am going to assume the person I find will be looking for the same. Make sure you are the calibre of person you are looking for and you are most likely to find them.
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| Oct 28, 2006 @ 5:34 PM |
The preferences of women
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LavenderMoonlight
Posts: 553
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Everette,
That's excellent advice!
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| Oct 28, 2006 @ 6:06 PM |
The preferences of women |
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everrett
Posts: 471
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Men need to put in the effort to keep up with women like you Lav 
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