| Oct 30, 2006 @ 3:39 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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maureeng945
Posts: 13
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I don't know why but I am having a really difficult time with dating any man that has been divorced  I do have an understanding how painful divorce can be and many have been hurt by the situation but, from my understanding......
Isn't life suppose to be "move on"? I try and look at it like "Life has given me a chance for a new start". Hoping and praying everyday that special someone one will come into my life and want to share his life with me and vice versa.....
Isn't that what dating is all about? Geeze! I feel stupid sometimes lol 
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 5:08 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I guess it really depends on the nature of the split-up and divorce. Some men (and women of course) find it diffcult to move on with their lievs, especially if they were not the instigator of the divorce.
It is more than 6 years since I slept with my ex-wife, and more than 2 years since I divorced her, and believe me, I have moved on!  And also, the split-up and divorce was my choice.
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 11:58 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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Divorce is so different to so many. Some think of divorce in the beginning as the "end" while others think of it as a bankruptcy. They are excited per a new start in their lives. Some are unable to do anything but dwell in the past while others look to the future with great anticipation.
To become secure with ones self as well as to become self sufficient places most all if not all "neediness" to rest. Most often in a divorce there are no winners only losers and those losers are unfortunately the minor children.
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 12:05 PM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I worked with a guy that had a horrible divorce and he vowed to never get married again. He started living with a woman a few years afterward and I got the idea she was pushing for an eventual marriage, but he fought it at every turn. His case was by far the most extreme I've ever seen, so it's probably the exception and not the rule. The only advice I can give, Maureen, is keep looking. Your match is out here---somewhere.
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 12:49 PM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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Sounds as though it is too soon for him to be dating.
He needs some "cooling" time to find who he is again.
After a divorce everyone needs that healing time.
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 1:06 PM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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My number one rule in dating divorced men: if they haven't been divorced for at least a year (divorced, not separated, not filing papers, not on a break - D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D), the answer is no.
MJ
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 1:20 PM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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maureeng945 sometimes it takes a lifetime to find, sometimes it only takes a second, only your heart will know, they are out there
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| Oct 30, 2006 @ 1:53 PM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,102
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MJ more than 6 years here!   
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 6:01 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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Danger
Posts: 1,246
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i agree with MJ...atleast a year of divorce for either a man or a woman.
going on my 11 + year of being divorced...
ive seen men that you have discribed...hurt yet and still holding grudges....yes, time to move on unless they are still 'in love'....
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 6:55 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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LSU79
Posts: 323
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atleast a year of divorce for either a man or a woman.
I don't think anyone should make any kind of serious life decision until they've been divorced at least a year. That includes changing jobs, buying a car, buying a house, anything that is difficult to reverse. There are simple too many emotions and changes going on.
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 7:41 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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Angel178
Posts: 36,331
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I've only been divorced for 2 months, but moved the kids and I an hour away and haven't been with him in 2 years. I think that it depends on the situation.
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 8:38 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Yes, every situation is different, but there's a general rule about time and distance.
It doesn't have anything to do with whether or not the marriage is "really" over. Most couples who separate don't get back together.
It has more to do with taking time to heal, to put your life in order, to put space between the old relationship and the new relationship. Rushing from a marriage right into dating someone else is a losing proposition for the getting-divorced-person as well as the new partner. The wounds of divorce are too new, too raw, and even when the divorcing person knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt that over is over, there still needs to be some healing distance before they start a new relationship.
I recognize that this is just my opinion, but I know I'm not going to be someone's "bridging" relationship so they can step back into the dating world. I want to date a whole person, not someone in the process of putting his life back together.
MJ
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 9:35 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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doncasto
Posts: 270
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My number one rule in dating divorced men: if they haven't been divorced for at least a year
Apply in MJ's rule . . .I have been prime dating material for almost 19 years! Yay for me!  . . .now where all the women at? Not to disparage her insightful contribution . . .but for this divorced person it took over a dozen years of full immersion single custodial dad life before my head cleared enough to even consider dealing with another female type person.
I have to agree that experiences like divorce (and custody battles!) leave wounds that need to heal before a person can begin going out and finding new grudges . . .er, possible partners. The time needed for healing will vary greatly from person to person, wound to wound and . . . .battle to battle.
YMMV . . .and hopefully it will.
[Edited on 10/31/2006 10:27 AM]
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 9:38 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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DwainP50
Posts: 5,102
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It has more to do with taking time to heal, to put your life in order, to put space between the old relationship and the new relationship. Rushing from a marriage right into dating someone else is a losing proposition for the getting-divorced-person as well as the new partner. The wounds of divorce are too new, too raw, and even when the divorcing person knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt that over is over, there still needs to be some healing distance before they start a new relationship.
I will have to agree with MJ on this. I figured after the divorce I would never let myself to get close to another again, but time have pass and life goes on, pass hurts heal and now it 6-7 years later. Learn from past mistakes, stronger now, and have a better knowledge of who I am looking for. Time does heal.
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 10:07 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Don, Dwain -- I'll put you both in my PDA. Now...you'll be here when?
MJ
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 10:15 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Divorce teaches you...
1).that you are capable of much more than you ever thought you were. that being strong is easy when you believe in yourself, and almost impossible when you don't.
2).that actions are much more important than words
3).that being alone and single is far less painful than being married and lonely.
4).that love doesn't last forever.
5).that people change.
6).that nothing worth having comes easily.
7).that the price of infidelity can far exceed its pleasure.
8).that even spouses have their limits.
9).that one person cannot keep a marriage together.
10).that one person can break a marriage apart.
11).that lies and love don't mix.
12).that no matter how bad your life is, there is someone pretty close by whose life is far worse.
13).to use caution before you fall in love.
14).how much you never knew about the person you trusted with your life.
15).that waiting for someone else to change is pointless.
16).that if you want control of your life, you must take it instead of waiting for someone to give it to you.
17).that possessions are a poor substitute for love.
18).that hindsight isn't always 20/20.
19).to trust your instincts.
20).that ultimately it's all up to you.
Just something I read somewhere..I was never divorced because I always believed in the till death do us part thingy..took almost 9 years but death did eventually part us.. but in my mind and heart I was divorced from him..so i feel those things have always applied to me too..we have to learn to love ourselves before we can move on..and that means giving up the past..
I accepted that nothing happens to me that I did not start or permit in some way. And I learned to accept the fact that the people that I would count as friends would become fewer and fewer, because the crazy folks don't find me to be fun any more. Then I came to like, respect and love the one person that I can not live with out AND THATS.........ME!"
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 10:17 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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tinkergrrrr----
arent we happy though 
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 10:19 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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Huh 
 you changed your post.. 
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 10:23 AM |
Issues of divorced singles.......
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twotall911
Posts: 13,048
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yeh i did close one huh 
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| Oct 31, 2006 @ 10:41 AM |
Issues of divorced singles....... |
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
Posts: 13,813
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