| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:08 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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KungFuFerret42
Posts: 3
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You often hear all these fantasies about love at first sight. The grim reality is, life usually doesn't work that way. I'm one of those fortunate (or unfortunate, see below) people who's experienced this. Movies can't convey it. Words can't describe it. It forever leaves it's mark on you, for good or ill.
Online, her and I fought like cats and dogs. Our debates and fights were very heated, and not at all friendly. If you'd asked anyone, they'd have told you outright, "They HATE each other!" And we did... Or so we'd thought... We'd never met, let alone seen the other.
We first met at a online party, before the internet was the big dating thing. I had this odd feeling that someone was staring at me, so I glanced around... My eyes locked onto hers. Goosebumps and sparks didn't fly, they exploded. Time didn't stop or anything, but I was completely oblivious to anything else going on around me. My jaw was probably dragging on the floor. She was too, I later discovered.
We spent the rest of the evening stealing glances and coy smiles at each other, but never introduced ourselves to one another. It wasn't till late that evening that we discovered who each other was. We talked a bit online, and quickly turned to talking on the phone. We talked for hours on end for a week until we finally "officially" met. A ride of intensity and passion, the likes of which I'd NEVER experienced again, ensued. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Even Spiritually. We touched each other in ways neither thought was possible.
Our first date ended up atop Mulhulland Drive, overlooking the city. The view was just breathtaking. In more ways then one. The passion that started that night, set the stage for everything to follow.
Our feelings ran so deep, we knew what the other was thinking, or feeling with just a glance.
The relationship lasted 3 years, until we parted ways. We'd both been through some of the most traumatic situations in our lives and I think emotional exhaustion was a heavy burden for both of us. Over the years we remained the best of friends, but over time I grew more and more distant from her. I figured she was happy in her new life, and I was cool with that. Last thing she needed was me holding her back. Whenever she needed support, I was there to talk, or even just listen. And vice versa. We maintained that we could always go to the other, no matter what. We were each other's rock. The best of friends.
Let me just say, the online dating thing comes with truck-loads of drama. While you and your love are happy, there are a lot of other people who are very resentful. I was floored at the lengths people would go to sabotage a relatioship out of jealousy and spite. If you want to do it, cut ties to these people when you link up with the man/woman of your dreams. While this story may seem all romantic and mushy, all the tragedy that came with it, you have been spared. It wasn't, and still isn't, an easy burden to bear. It changed me in some ways that I'd probably have been better off without. I continually have to remind myself to tone down my cynicism and try to renew my faith in people. It hasn't been easy.
After her, I set the bar pretty damned high. Unrealistically high. My dating life, was anything but exciting. To be honest, I think I made it that way deliberately. I'd already found The One.
Consciously, I tried very hard to make sure I wasn't comparing anyone I met to "her", but unconsciously, I probably was. I dated a variety of women, but any sparks that appeared, to me, felt like little more then a candle flame in the wind. I was spoiled beyond measure, it left it's mark upon my very soul. I knew EXACTLTY what I wanted, I just didn't find anything even remotely close.
I put some honest effort into some of these relationships.
One I met, was like my virtual clone. We were soooo much alike, that I finally had to take a step back. There were no surprises. No sponteniety. I knew what she was thinking before she even finished what she was saying. Like me, she was also shy. I'd overcome many of my issues, but she was still in a shell. I let things kind of slide a bit, and she found interest in someone else. I exited gracefully, stage left. We've remained friends.
I seemed to keep running into women that were looking for someone to fix them. I'd gone that route before, and learned my lessons. If you can't acknowledge you need to be fixed, and realize you have to work towards fixing yourself first, you won't ever come to grips that someone else can't fix you either.
Finally I got to the point where it just didn't matter to me. I didn't have to have someone to make me feel good. I settled into being happy with myself and being single. I found projects and work to get involved with, and just buried myself in them. The busier I was, the better. She did pretty much the same thing.
Fast forward 13 years.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:09 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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KungFuFerret42
Posts: 3
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Recently, "she" re-appeared in my life rather unexpectedly. She wanted to go out to dinner or a movie, so I agreed. She'd been stressed quite a bit lately, and I figured she just needed someone to talk to.
She picked a cozy little Italian restraunt. I didn't think much of it at first. We'd gone there in the past afteralll, and she knew I was big on real Italian food. It was close, and convenient.
Hint #1 innocently floated past my shoulder, it's inaudible pleas falling on deaf ears.
We were seated right away. I'd been there many many times, so I knew immediately what I wanted. She was undecided. When the waiter appeared, I let her order first. She asked what would be good and I suggested one of the chicken dishes. The waiter agreed, and added his favorite was the chicken alfredo. She smiled at him thankfully, and ordered a plate with chablis. I raised an eyebrow, but she laughed at me and told me she hadn't had a drink in some time. She used to be an alcoholic. She reminded me, that wine is good for you. I couldn't suppress my mirth. I'd already had a bite to eat, and lasanga was a bit much. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I ordered something a bit lighter. A calzone with some coffee.
Waiting for our food to be prepared, we engaged in some chit-chat, keeping up on what the other had been up to over the months since we'd last talked. Then out of the blue, she reached across the table, grabbed my hand and held it within hers. She looked deep into my eyes, gave me one of her adorable smiles, and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
This took me a little bit by surprise, but I chalked it up to her being happy to see me. To her, it was a game to melt me with one of her looks. Those wistful, or devious looks.. And those beautiful brown eyes.... The expressions she could muster, could melt gem stones. She knew it too.
For context, she looks a lot like Catherine Zeta-Jones. The same eyes. Same eyebrows. Same perky nose. Same mouth. Same brown hair. Very uncanny. If you've ever seen her in the Zorro movies, you know what looks I'm talking about. Spoiled indeed. Swoon... (yes ladies, guys can swoon too.)
Hint #2 clipped my ear as it whizzed by...
I returned her look with one of my exasperated looks. We'd been through this game many many times over the years. She did it to watch me squirm.
Finally, as I always did, I melted and smiled back at her. I looked deep into those luscious brown eyes. If only to lose myself for a moment. She brought me back with an inquisitive "What?"
I stammered out "Nothing..." and her eyes started to well up. She looked away for a moment.
We were still holding hands, and I gave her a reassuring squeeze.
Hint #3 hit me right in the nose and fell into my coffee cup with an indignant "plunk."
We finished our dinner, such as it was. Neither of us had touched our food much. It was apparent that something was troubling her.
We hopped into her car and talked for awhile. I knew she had a lot on her mind, and something was bothering her deeply. She reached for my hand again, and gave me one of her "Come Hither" looks while practically purring my name.
Okay, before you say anything... No, I'm not dumb and naive. Not anymore anyway. ;) This is a game she'd play whenever she was into teasing me, then play sweet and innocent. You know, the old hot and cold routine. I just got conditioned to it, and given our friend status, I figured being a gentleman about the situation was the better part of valor...
On the otherhand... I "am" blonde....
Hint #4 was waving in front of my face proclaiming "HEY! WAKE UP! I'M OVER HERE!" and I casually shooed it away...
Finally... exasperated... she leaned into me, pulled me close, and kissed me passionately. I started to resist at first. One look into her eyes, all those years... Pent up... I wouldn't have stopped the flood if I had tried. I didn't. I couldn't. I let it all go... We kissed passionately for hours. When she whispered into my ear hungrily, "Take me to bed, or lose me forever!" I soooooo wanted to. Alas, time wasn't on our side and we had to end our evening. Neither of us wanted to.
She's an Aries in every sense of the word, it's what I've always loved about her. She's always challenged me in ways and on a level that no one else ever could. I've always held the utmost respect for her. If anyone is The One, it would be her.
In contrast, I'm a Leo through and through.
This all feels almost surreal to me. This is something I had wanted more then anything else... years ago. I guess it's only natural that I feel apphrensive and want to take things a bit slow. I want to savor it, not rush into anything full tilt. We're both romantics. I want it all to be perfect, and special. Am I in the wrong?
Or perhaps the better question to ask is.... With how spirited and passionate we both are, is it even possible to go slow?
I had almost given up on believing in a happily ever after. Now it's on the horizon, and it scares the heck out of me. I'm almost afraid to reach out and touch it, lest it disappear before my eyes again.
Am I just being overly critical, and worrying about nothing?
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:13 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Does this come with Cliff Notes?
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:14 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Whoa there Hong Kong Phooey, way too long to read. 
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:31 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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PullMyFinger
Posts: 967
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Deja, most people here are accustomed to reading things that start with See Jane Run, some will be confused by your writing skills. 
I would just let things progress, ride that pony and see where it takes me, sounds terribly romantic to me.
Good Luck, don't do anything you might regret later. This kind of thing doesn't happen very often.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:33 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Deja, most people here are accustomed to reading things that start with See Jane Run, some will be confused by your writing skills I'm not familiar with the See Jane Run story PulllMYFinger, you'll have to lend me your copy of it.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:37 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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I thought it was "See Spot Run." This could be in the success forum.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:39 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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LOL yes, I love See Spot Run!!! 
Still wondering who Jane is though. 
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:41 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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Dick and Jane were the human pets of Spot. 
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:42 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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Awwwww... poor Dick and Jane. 
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:43 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:45 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I don't actually find it funny Katts.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 5:55 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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kattsmeow
Posts: 22,628
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Dick and Jane were the main characters in popular basal readers written by Zerna Sharp and published by Scott Foresman, that were used to teach children to read from the 1930s through to the 1970s. The main characters, Dick and Jane, were a little boy and girl. Supporting characters included Baby (or Sally), Mother, Father, Spot the dog, Puff the cat, Jack the clown, and Tim the teddy bear. They first appeared in the Elson-Gray Readers used in the 1930s. The books relied on sight reading (or "whole word reading") and repetition, using phrases like, "Oh, see. Oh, see Jane. Funny, funny Jane," and they ignored phonics. For this reason, they came to be used less and less as studies supported phonics as a more effective method of gaining literacy.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:03 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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Thank you for sharing your story. it is a refreshing change from what we normally read here.
You will see that some people are here for posturing in high-schoolish cliques and have no idea that real romance exists. Ignore them. Even if your story is not real, it is an interesting read.
No one knows what will happen, including the two of you, so you just have to try and see, but be smart about it. From what you wrote I caught onto a few red flags you may be grappling with.
1. The drink. That IS a biggie. You have to watch that carefully. And it is not going to be acceptable if she really is an alcoholic. I think you know that.
2. You were writing about "fixing" some women. If she is being so forward, almost needy and drinking too, do you think she could be using you for that?
3. Her speed seems faster than you are comfortable with. If you want to go a bit slower and communicate this to her, it is a good way to guage if she is going to be thoughtful and caring, or just do what she wants. Whether she tried to slow down a bit for you after you ask.
4. Glad she is gorgeous. But I think you know that is she was gorgeous before and you broke up, being gorgeous will not keep you together.
5. You mentioned that you have to be careful in an internet relationship because people will try to break you apart. Well, that is any relationship, not just internet, and it is not about other people. You two have to be able to keep together despite what the outside world does. If you can't do that, you don't belong together. There are always pulls and obstacles from relatives, friends, adulterers, career, troublemakers. You are not going to get away from that. It is how you cope with it. Is your love strong enough?
Think about what kind of relaitonship you REALLY want. Is she capable of giving this to you? Is it possible with the chemistry you hold? Maybe it is time to give it another whirl, but keep your eyes and ears open and be smart about it. And don't sacrifice yourself.
Be proud that you are really participating in the game of love and life but don't play dumb and get injured. Good luck to you...
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:06 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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You will see that some people are here for posturing in high-schoolish cliques and have no idea that real romance exists. Ignore them. God forbid people here actually have fun. Isn't is ironic how the people who claim to take things seriously are the ones that start bashing and insulting others. 
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:16 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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sjpinatl
Posts: 671
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I was not he one to start belittiling and insulting on this thread, "He-who -sees negative-comments-of-others-but-not-his-own"
Not every discussion is about how brilliantly bullish and popular you are. Let the guy write.
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:19 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
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I was not he one to start belittiling and insulting on this thread, I said the post was too long to read, and you said that I was posturing in a high-schoolish clique. Now, tell me who threw the insult???
Not every discussion is about how brilliantly bullish and popular you are. Well damn, thanks for letting me know. I really thought that talking about Dick, Spot and Jane would highlight how bullish and popular I am. 
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:20 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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Classy_Blonde
Posts: 6,034
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Can you explain why your profile says you are in a relationship?
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:20 PM |
Dejah Woo?
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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Everything happens for a reason. I say just go for it. It will not be the same but there is every reason to hope it will be as good in its now (hopefully) older and wiser guise.
We don't often get a second chance. Trust your guts. Trust your heart. You'll know soon enough if you make the right decision.
Good luck!
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| Nov 13, 2006 @ 6:20 PM |
Dejah Woo? |
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julia143
Posts: 1,696
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And here we go........ 
Although a long read Kungfu....and a nice one.....seemed a lil over the top to me. Hope things work out for you. 
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