| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:37 PM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
|
I saw a piece on the news on how marriage is dead... 1 of 3 first mariages fail... 3 of 4 second marriages fail... and the more marriages, the higher the failure percentage,
on the other side of it is the alternative of cohabitation, which has a higher rate of failure, 86% of people who cohabitate before their first marriage end up in divorced...
Children are the true victims of this... Poverty, Child Abuse, Neglect, etc... are all much higher risk in single parent or divorced homes....
I have no answers, no ideas... I was just shocked at the carnage the American Family has become... Where does the fix come from? what caused this illness in our society?
|
|
  |
|
| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:42 PM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
spongebob777
Posts: 7,904
|
I think people are just too willing to walk away rather than work on the relationship.
|
| |
|
| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:47 PM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
Jankia
Posts: 9,164
|
Yes,I do believe in marriage,but not for everyone.Of my five brothers the longest lasting relationship between us all is by my one,just retired brother thats never been married.He's been with the same gal over 25 years.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:49 PM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
dowens
Posts: 869
|
I, personally DO believe in marriage and hope to be lucky enough to find someone to share that mutual love for each other to try it again.......even though the stats you quote don't seem to be in my favor!!!....... 
As for the ills of our society....i.e., child abuse and such........I only wish I could offer an acceptable explaination.....very complex solution I think!!!!
|
| |
|
| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:49 PM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
luvmycats
Posts: 9,744
|
Grumble, even after everything I have been through, I still believe in marriage. Will I ever do it again? I don't know. I do know, I have a lot of love in my heart that I want to share with someone, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.
The thought of getting married again scares me to death! I do know I will protect myself a lot better in ANY relationship I get myself into.
Why do so many fail? My opinon is because its too easy to call it quits. It takes two people, both willing to work hard, when one of them gives up, the whole thing falls apart. This was my experience with my first marriage anyway.
So many people worry about what the world thinks instead of what their partner thinks. COMMUNICATE!
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:51 PM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
grumblebear
Posts: 10,494
|
I was married once, when I was 21, never had any kids, because I was waiting for someone that felt right, stable, etc... never lived with anyone since... I know I didn't fit the status quo, but what happened to right and wrong? the world is strange place....
|
| |
|
| Nov 23, 2006 @ 11:56 PM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 4,906
|
I think people are made to pair for a while and then break up. I don’t think humans were designed by nature to pair for life.
I have this theory about why the average marriage lasts like 10 or 12 years. That is about how long that it takes for a couple to raise a child (or two) to an age where it could survive by itself ... so I think that evolution made us feel this thing called romantic love so that we would have some reason to stay together long enough to continue the species and then the “romance” wears off and we move on.
The theory fits the numbers well.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:05 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
carpediem48
Posts: 3,138
|
It takes two people to initiate and follow through on a marriage.
SOMETIMES...................It only takes one person to initiate and push through a divorce.
"For better or worse"(exempting abuse) means just that and there are lots of divorces because ONE person either didn't make those vows.... or... broke them....
leaving behind a spouse who 'still' wanted TO WORK ON the marriage.
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:10 AM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
chinabull2000
Posts: 7,012
|
I believe in marriage, despite one complete failure. I don't know if I'll ever get married again, but I surely hope so!!
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:10 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
luvmycats
Posts: 9,744
|
How right you are Carpe. 
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:14 AM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
carpediem48
Posts: 3,138
|
Ahhh Luvs  ....you are so discerning 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:16 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
budo13
Posts: 3,085
|
D.R i have to agree i don't know what it is i know for myself where i've gone wrong but for others i don't know. i have another theory that humans as animals are not monogomus creatures i think we can force ourselves to be but our true nature is not.other animals take mates for life and when that mate passes they stay alone (no i NEVER CHEATED ON ANY OF MY MATES) i'm just saying that it is very difficult for humans to have only one mate in there lifetime hope that made sense
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:21 AM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
carpediem48
Posts: 3,138
|
Of course we have HUMAN emotions that blow about in the wind...
that's why a commitment should be based on a Choice to love someone...not emotions.
Simply means that we 'choose' not to follow our innapropriate inclinations......... because.......
we have 'reasoning' powers that animals 'don't' have
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:23 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
8Knots
Posts: 2,710
|
Believe in marriage or the tax allowance? 
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:23 AM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
Earl47
Posts: 1,506
|
Marriage can be a beautiful and wonderful thing. Most people don't communicate and talk out everything, and one will not compromise, but makes the other one do things they don't want to do, which would be allright to a degree if the other would do things they like to do.
And i have seen many marriages be those good 40 year marriages of the elderly. Yes, i belive marriage should be considered part of life, and the thing to do. I'm really the same as married right now, we just aren't pushing it. And i have no fear of it. we are just both very happy each time we see each other and it's going to happen
We have both agreed, not all this icing of a marriage, we want to be married simply on our own time. It's the vows we want to agee to. She wonderful, and she loves me very much and sees no reason to want to change me, and i don't want to change her. She had nto run after TG dinner today, but tomorrow night i want a rub down, my backs sore, and she wants to cook tomorrow. what else is there besides marriage, i have to!!!....Earl
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:28 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
DiamondRain
Posts: 4,906
|
Yes budo, I generally agree and have written a lot about this topic.
In nature, some animals have only one sexual mate, but the majority of them have multiple mates.
I think humans have a little bit of both traits. I think that we (men especially) are not designed to be monogamous but -- as you say -- we can (sometimes!) force ourselves to be when societal pressure says that is what we should do (because another strong instinct we have is a need to feel socially accepted).
So I think we are conflicted between these various evolutionary instincts and societal norms and that is the reason why we always talk about wanting to be lifelong monogamists, but rarely are.
(sorry about the run on sentences .... too tired to write  )
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:32 AM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
budo13
Posts: 3,085
|
CARP i'm confused your saying i choose to love you but leave my heart out of it my passions? 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:36 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,343
|
that's why a commitment should be based on a Choice to love someone...not emotions.
Sorry, but love isn't based on choice...it IS an emotion. You can stay together in a loveless marriage 'for the sake of the children', but personally I'd consider that to be an abuse in itself. The only marriages I've seen where the children were abused were two-parent marriages, and the divorces were primarily for the sake of the childrens' safety, my own among them.
The fix? Well, for starters, we learn what we live. My parents stayed together, but it was never a healthy relationship. I knew that when I was six years old, you really don't fool kids that easily. I was a pretty bright kid, and decided early on that there had to be a better way...unfortunately I was never bright enough to figure out what it was. Now most of the kids who are growing up as products of broken or bad marriages are in pretty much the same spot I was in...not quite knowing the best way to deal with things. We're now in a cycle, repeating what's gone before. How do you break the cycle? Maybe allowing kids some time in happy homes? I'm just throwing out an idea, with no clue how it would work. Relationship training, counselling as a prerequisite to a marriage license?
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:38 AM |
do you believe in Marriage?
|
|
carpediem48
Posts: 3,138
|
Hi Budo....what I'm 'trying' to say is
Reasoning first
Emotions second
Reasoning based on knowledge 'can' change......but
Emotions are flimsy and depend on present circumstances and other unstable variables.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 24, 2006 @ 12:39 AM |
do you believe in Marriage? |
|
steveemac
Posts: 2,336
|
Even after the messiness of my divorce, the estrangement from people I thought were friends, the Chapter 7, and the attempted suicide- I still believe in marriage; and I would never just "shack up" with someone, as my ex is now doing.
|
| |
|
|
|
|