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To Pay or Not To Pay


Dec 14, 2006 @ 4:12 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
MusicMonster


Posts: 2,901
Nothing wrong with going dutch if the situation calls for it, all else being equal.

But if she's between jobs and he's making boatloads of money, then it only stands to reason that he would likely pick up the tab in most cases. The reverse is also true.

I see this as primarily a matter of economy rather than one of unbreakable tradition. I believe always paying the tab is an outdated macho gesture, not unlike always insisting on driving the car. If a woman wants her financial independence, I believe that to be very fair and logical. She deserves it, and it makes her no less feminine.

Women by and large make more money now, and thankfully so. Things are not the way they used to be long ago. We have to grow and adjust with the times or we fall behind. However, it should be said that politeness, respect and chivalry are not outdated at all.

-MM

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Dec 14, 2006 @ 6:35 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
SunBabe


Posts: 10,871
However, it should be said that politeness, respect and chivalry are not outdated at all.

Whew!
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 2:33 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
MusicMonster


Posts: 2,901
I doubt that stuff will ever die, much as we seem to try to kill it.

At least I certainly hope not.

-MM

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Dec 15, 2006 @ 2:52 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
SunBabe


Posts: 10,871
~shhhhh~ Don't tell anybody, but I've never been one who wanted to be "equal"...I like the view from the pedestal.




(seriously, though, I never considered defining "equal" as "the same" -- viva la difference and there's still able to be a "balance" )
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 3:43 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
NoCuteLines


Posts: 217
Seams as though everyone has the idea here...Tradition says the man pays on the first few (2-3) (( maybe 4, if she's any good)), but for a woman to offer to pay or worse, insist on paying on the first date means YOU have blown your chance at a good first impression and she is throwing it in your face!

Take her money or better yet, have her pay the whole tab AND the tip, keep your money for the NEXT one.

[Edited on 12/15/2006 4:16 AM]
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 4:00 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
SunBabe


Posts: 10,871
I think that with some women (and some men...the combination) that some women feel that they won't feel "obligated" to "repay" physically, after the dinner...but then a gentleman wouldn't expect (or require ) that in the first place.
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 4:05 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
MusicMonster


Posts: 2,901
I understand SunBabe. I share 'some' of those feelings too. But parts of that evolution are a good thing. For example the fact that you are much more likely to make more money now for what you do, than some 25 years ago. And in most jobs you are likely to be on the same earning scale as an equivalent male. That was long overdue I think.

It's a matter of changing times more than how our desires would have it. Some of it good, some of it not so good.

-MM

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Dec 15, 2006 @ 6:33 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
SunBabe


Posts: 10,871
Let's just say I'd have the potential for making the same money -- IF I had worked

(I'm from the REAL "olden days" when a woman wasn't expected or required to work -- except for "fun" I can whip up a pretty mean SacherTort or a prom gown in an afternoon, though )
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 9:52 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
MusicMonster


Posts: 2,901
Let's just say I'd have the potential for making the same money -- IF I had worked

You make a good point there SunBabe. However 'tis progressive still for those who do. Yes?

I must also wholeheartedly agree with your "viva la difference" commentary, except where equal salaries for equal work are concerned.

I'm not sure if I can buy the "REAL Olden Daze" comments tho. I'd say you seem to be a pretty spry young chick as far as any of us can tell.

-MM


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Dec 15, 2006 @ 12:32 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
bevrice


Posts: 10,502
Well, I am old-fashioned, too, and I love an old fashioned man, a gentleman. I have never paid for a date nor have I ever offered to, nor even been expected to.

I will reciprocate with a good home cooked dinner.
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 3:59 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
MusicMonster


Posts: 2,901
Well, no one is saying it's imperative Bevrice. As mentioned before, it's whatever the two people have arranged together. I'm only saying times have changed from what was 'expected' 20-25 years ago, and that sharing expenses is a lot more commonplace now, assuming both parties make somewhat similar salaries. Many women want it that way, and there is a lot of logic in that. There was a reason they didn't do that back then. They didn't have the money. So the man always paid for everything. But that doesn't mean it's wrong to do it any way at all, if that's what the two of you choose to do.

Personally I don't have a problem with any of that, if that's what they want to do. I'm not going to let tradition like that become a problem. Clearly some would object to it though, if they are very traditional people. However as long as everybody is in agreement, there shouldn't be an issue.

In the last 10 years, I have had women buy me flowers many times. 25 years ago that would be unheard of. But not anymore. Frankly, I think it's rather cool to have a vase of roses show up at the office.

-MM

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Dec 15, 2006 @ 4:35 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
newfie6750


Posts: 1,625
Just a update i went out with the woman again and i paid for dinner and she paid for the movie
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 7:18 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
bevrice


Posts: 10,502
Guess I was just brought up too strictly, but then, again, I am old. I really DO love a man who is a gentleman and who treats me special like a lady, I am a lady, a girly girl and I love being one. I love the man to do flowers and when I cook for him to bring the wine.

I am just of the old school, and I might, and usually do spend more when I cook for him than he did on the meal and the tip.

I still like being a lady and spoiled and pampered that way. In return, I spoil and pamper him in my way, doing what I do best and giving him something you can't get at a restaurant, a good home cooked meal with tons of atmosphere, comfortable, relaxed and casual, and then a good movie on the dvd player afterwards and cudding close on the sofa and watching it. Stealing a kiss here and there.

So, if he had rather me pay for our date than all of that, I am at a loss and really don't understand, lol.
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 7:20 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
bevrice


Posts: 10,502
I am with you on this one, Sun, I don't want to play the equal, be one of the guys, I love the view as well.
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 7:30 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
Silvertongue62


Posts: 5,613
This is something that I never understood nor given thought to while out with someone. Usually when out with someone or just meeting someone I generally pick up the tab unless someone else says, I'll get it. The first time I encountered this was about 9 years ago when I was to meet someone at a NY hotspot called tavern on the green. When I walked in she was sitting at a table having a drink waiting for me to arrive. so as i sat down she proceeded to tell me she didnt like the menu so I suggested that we go to the shrk bar instead. I then stood up and signalled the waiter for her coat and threw 25 dollars on the table. To my surprise she said I'll get it because we are going to do dutch. Totally caught me by surprise. So needless to say we were the only fools in the place arguing about who was going to pay. But until that moment I had always been familiar with bar etiquette. But I usually just pay the check and get out of where ever it is I am.
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Dec 15, 2006 @ 8:40 PM To Pay or Not To Pay    
daisy315


Posts: 7,117
always the gentleman Silver.. I also like it when "someone" suggests something on the menu that I might like..
I don't make alot of money and anyone that I might go out with that thinks that I can pay for a date is sadly mistaken.
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Dec 16, 2006 @ 1:45 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
MusicMonster


Posts: 2,901
I don't see dating or relationships as being about money.

That's one of the reasons I take my time getting to know someone, and don't rush out and date complete strangers, without knowing anything about their motivations.

If my 'gentleman' status and the success of the date are based on how much money I am willing to spend, then it's a date I'd rather not have.

-MM

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Dec 16, 2006 @ 5:56 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
bevrice


Posts: 10,502
Honey, if you can't afford to spend twelve dollars on a meal for me, and that is all it costs at my favorite place to eat to feed me a twelve ounce ribeye, then, you can't afford me anyway, lol.
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Dec 16, 2006 @ 5:56 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
bevrice


Posts: 10,502
Honey, if you can't afford to spend twelve dollars on a meal for me, and that is all it costs at my favorite place to eat to feed me a twelve ounce ribeye, then, you can't afford me anyway, lol.
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Dec 16, 2006 @ 6:03 AM To Pay or Not To Pay    
twotall911


Posts: 12,696
how abouit a 16 oz
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