| Nov 26, 2005 @ 9:46 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
SKYHUNTER505
Posts: 1
|
TO ALL THOSE LOVELY GIRLS OUT THERE. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I AM TO NICE, IS THAT A BAD THING OR AM I MISSING SOMETHING. WHATS WRONG WITH BEING NICE. OR DO WOMEN LIKE DATEING JERKS?
|
|
  |
|
| Nov 26, 2005 @ 10:18 PM |
TO NICE |
|
waiting41
Posts: 1,926
|
I dated a guy for three years that was "too nice".....I couldn't take it anymore. Everywhere I went people commented on how NICE my boyfriend was. My family loved him. It drove me insane! Just once I wanted to see him be a jerk to SOMEONE! He was nice to people who didn't deserve it.......nice, nice, nice! Not being TOO NICE doesn't equal being a jerk. You also need to be assertive and stand up for yourself and your partner when called for!! 
|
| |
|
| Nov 26, 2005 @ 11:34 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
sordofadonkey
Posts: 72
|
Being too nice is bad. I've learned that the hard way. It's not natural to be less nice than you want to be, but it really has worked for me. I still screw up, but I believe it to be true.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 26, 2005 @ 11:37 PM |
TO NICE |
|
wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
|
You know its ok to be a nice guy and still be strong and independent and not let yourself get kicked about? I think perhaps what we need is a solid definition of "nice guy"
|
| |
|
| Nov 27, 2005 @ 5:19 AM |
TO NICE
|
|
Porsha924s
Posts: 192
|
Gee where do I stand!? I am a real nice guy with real bad boy attitude.  
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 27, 2005 @ 7:21 AM |
TO NICE |
|
skinnybarncat
Posts: 368
|
I think perhaps what we need is a solid definition of "nice guy"
 mmmmmm, at last, a starting point. 
 are perfectionists a type of jerk? 
|
| |
|
| Nov 27, 2005 @ 9:53 AM |
TO NICE
|
|
lecriveuse
Posts: 1,865
|
skyhunter, there are nice men all over the place who are mannerly, well-spoken and can be assertive without being aggressive (but aint afraid 2 kick an azz if necessary). they live and have a relatively balanced life/mindset.
then there are the guys who claim 2 b nice cos they associate with needy ppl or someone who bemoans about not having a date/they treat me like crap. does this "nice" guy think they'll eventually pick them? it doesn't mean he's nice if he just associates with stuff like that. it smacks of co-dependency and other unhealthy things. it nearly sounds like loser.
sounds like a good dictionary/book of brief, sociological terms should b installed on websites.  nice people don't let anything and everything run over them, and they don't fight about everything either.
welcome to the site, n good luck 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 27, 2005 @ 11:15 AM |
TO NICE |
|
RAKS37
Posts: 611
|
So is it a fine line between nice guy and wuss?
What throws a guy to one side of the line or other?
I still wanna buy flowers, hold hand, let her pick the movie sometimes.
Let her handle it if a guy hits on her, punch him if he grabs her a55.
|
| |
|
| Nov 27, 2005 @ 1:45 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
Heaveninawildflower
Posts: 15,343
|
I still wanna buy flowers, hold hand, let her pick the movie sometimes.
Let her handle it if a guy hits on her, punch him if he grabs her a55.
Speaking for myself, that would work well for 'nice'. Of course you might not have time to punch him, as I'd probably already have kicked him somewhere painful. But then I'm NY bred.
"Nice" to me is someone who allows me to also be "nice". You pick the movie, I'll pick the meal and vice versa. Next time, maybe the other way around. It's the same consideration you'd give anyone. "Doormat" now, is something else. "Doormat" doesn't allow me to be nice, he wants to do it all himself. He also invites the worst in me...power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. I love nice, but run screaming into the night when I encounter the doormat.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 29, 2005 @ 5:15 PM |
TO NICE |
|
jody675
Posts: 5
|
In reply to waiting 41, Maybe you should have stuck with the nice guy because there rare to find. Then maybe you would'nt be here. Myself i would prefer a nice guy. I know lots of guys that are not nice want there number??????
|
| |
|
| Nov 29, 2005 @ 5:41 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
waiting41
Posts: 1,926
|
No, but I will be happy to give you the "nice guys" number....if you can stand the way he is constantly being "too nice" to his three x-wifes by loaning them money which is never paid back, trying to solve all of their personal problems with endless daily phone conversations, never saying no to anyone for anything no matter how it impacts what is going on in your relationship.......he is very single and looking if you are interested. I have met lots of not so nice guys myself and I'm not interested. Lately seem to be meeting some more well adjusted guys, but thanks for the offer.
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 29, 2005 @ 7:01 PM |
TO NICE |
|
someone_me
Posts: 506
|
The problem with being nice is in your viewpoint. A lot of guys seem to think it's the right thing to do, and the right way to be, just like their mom and sisters taught them to be. Come on guys, you are dealing with women here. Your mother taught you to be nice because that is the way she wanted you to treat her, to be a good reflection on her parenting skills.
On the other hand, I would say that most women equate "being a nice guy" as someone who is dull and boring, yes, a wussy. You make a good "friend" (synonymous with being nice) to her. You come across as too easy, nothing that creates a challenge for her, and thus, you have no value romantically for her. You want to do the right thing but sorry, it doesn't create attraction inside of her towards you.
She may even say she wants a guy who is nice and treat her like a lady but what she really wants is that something special that will reach down into her being and hit that button that will turn on that thing inisde her, attraction.
Do you have to be a jerk to do this? Not in the least. Treat her like trash? No way! The problem is that most of the "jerks" have this bad boy quality that hit the attraction button. They aren't easy to get, they are stand offish. They have their own life and are in control of themselves. You won't find them off acting all needy and desparate for someone because they are usually too wrapped up inside themselves.
So what is a "nice" guy to do? How about trying to learn first that what you see as a positive trait (which really is) most women don't. Take your being "nice" and mask it with confidence and humor. Quit being easy and add some value to yourself and be hard to get. Act like you don't need someone. Stop giving away all your power to her and make a woman work hard to get to know you, she will appreciate you more if you do. Let her discover that you really are a nice guy down underneath. This is when "nice" becomes something special to her, because she made this wonderful discovery that no one else did.
Trust me, all of this sounds counter intuitive to the average "nice" guy out there. I'm sure people will get on here and say, "Just be yourself and don't worry about it." Well, you have been "being yourself" and you're frustrated with who you are or else you wouldn't be reading this thread. Work on making "yourself" better and more attractive. Learning how to do this can be a lot of fun.
Okay, this is just my .02. Stepping down from my "nice" soapbox so all the excuses can begin. 
[Edited on 11/29/2005 7:05 PM]
|
| |
|
| Nov 29, 2005 @ 7:14 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
Slinfear
Posts: 114
|
Someone,
Far be it, regardless of what some people think and might say in response to your post, I would sincerely like to thank you for the way in which you explained that view.
I have heard similar, if not the exact, same view explained much differently in the past, and could never quite grasp wxactly what it was. You have opened my eyes to the meaning of this, and I, for one,want to thank you for it.
Jonathan
(MJ)
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 29, 2005 @ 7:21 PM |
TO NICE |
|
wandaful123
Posts: 1,511
|
Quit being easy and add some value to yourself and be hard to get. Act like you don't need someone. Stop giving away all your power to her and make a woman work hard to get to know you
Well said someone, well almost (sorry) I agree wholeheartedly with all you had to say except perhaps the above quote. I would rephrase to say... be strong and open enough to let her know your feelings if you are interested, no games necessary. Don't "act" like you don't need someone, start believing in yourself and realize you don't "need" anyone but it would be really nice to be with someone you "want" to share your life with. There should be no power on either side in a healthy relationship, but give and take and mutual respect.
Well not trying to focus too much on "words" and as I said I think your right on the nose with all else. 
[Edited on 11/29/2005 7:23 PM]
|
| |
|
| Nov 29, 2005 @ 10:14 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
branchman
Posts: 19
|
WOW! Someone, that was an amazing summary. I am probably the king of all nice guys and I have to say that all the other nice guys around here should really read your post and listen. That totally makes sense. The only problem with me is that I am so used to being Mr. nice guy that it's hard to change gears when I meet somebody I like. When I think back on all the women i've ever known or gone on a date with I feel that I accomplished some of the things you outlined in your post and I didn't even realize it.
I also think back to times when I sensed that a woman was kinda interested in me, but I would eventually wind up being Mr. nice guy instead of remaining cool and saving the discovery of the "nice guy" until later.
Thanks for your post Someone, you rock 
|
|
| |
|
| Nov 30, 2005 @ 7:13 PM |
TO NICE |
|
someone_me
Posts: 506
|
be strong and open enough to let her know your feelings if you are interested
Wanda, here is one area I may be of some assistance to you women out there.  Simply put, if a guy is talking to you, he is interested. Don't complicate it, we aren't that complicated.
As I've stated in other "nice guy" posts, I am a reformed nice guy. Been there done that, was just as frustrated and confused as the next guy as to why. When I first started learning about all this, it was very foreign to me, a toally different world view. I had heard someone else talking about this subject and even though I listened and heard what he had to say, still had a hard time comprehending. Then one night I was out at a dance club and had an experience that helped me grasp the concept.
I came in and was with some friends just sitting back and watching what was going on. There was this one women who was hot and she had the attitude to let all the guys know she was too. She was fairly tall, 5'-10" or so, and put on heels to make her even taller (went right along with the tude she had). I sat back and enjoyed watching all these guys come up and try to hit on her. She shot every single one of them down, most of the time before they could even say a word. It was pretty comical watching guys with money come up to her, guys who were good looking, tall and built well, etc., one by one be shot down.
So as the night went on I was just enjoying myself and had started talking to this one woman not knowing she was the friend of this other woman. As I'm talking to her friend, she comes walking up, interupts our conversation (went right along with her attitude) and I hear her say to her friend, "That guy is just the sweetest guy!"
Now my curiosity was really piqued and so I start watching her again to see whom she was talking about. I see her go back to this other guy only to find that he was what I would have considered scuzzy or greasy looking. He wasn't that tall, probably 5'-6" or 7", he was drunk, wasn't dressed well at all, etc. And then I saw her take her heels off so she could dance with him.
This got my attention. What do you think was going on here? He certainly would never have been a guy I would have pegged as "sweet", but this woman had totally let down her guard with this one guy. My eyes were opened to the fact that something else truly was going on. By being who he was, without the looks, without the money, this guy was able to spark "attraction" inside of this woman. It was a valuable lesson for me.
|
| |
|
| Dec 1, 2005 @ 4:50 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
skinnybarncat
Posts: 368
|
"Just be yourself and don't worry about it." Well, you have been "being yourself" and you're frustrated with who you are or else you wouldn't be reading this thread. Work on making "yourself" better and more attractive.
like this ..or more like this 
and how do i get from this  to ????
|
|
| |
|
| Dec 1, 2005 @ 4:52 PM |
TO NICE |
|
ExacerbatedTaboo
Posts: 1,401
|
"Just be yourself and don't worry about it."
I tried and I think I pissed her off.
|
| |
|
| Dec 1, 2005 @ 7:28 PM |
TO NICE
|
|
someone_me
Posts: 506
|
Nope barncat, first you have to do this... , then this...  , and a little bit of , then you call me up and for just three low payments of $19.95 you too can have my "How to be a not so nice nice guy" tape series.
Hurry! Operators are standing by now! And if you call and order tonight before midnight, I'll even throw in a pair of ginsu knives for you! They slice, they dice, and you can even cut your own heart out with them! That's a $29.99 value all for the low low price of three easy payments of $19.95! What are you waiting for?!!
|
|
| |
|
| Dec 1, 2005 @ 7:42 PM |
TO NICE |
|
MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
|
Those Ginsu's still have that 50 yr warranty, someone? I still have my originals and those suckers can still cut, man...whoa!
|
| |
|
|
|
|