| Dec 17, 2006 @ 12:43 PM |
I'm so confused!
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wawasweetie
Posts: 242
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I met this guy from another site before thanksgiving.We talked for 2 weeks before we went out.Now we've been on 3 dates and he hasn't made a move.Is that normal?I want to take it slow but this is very odd.I'm not complaining but I wonder if he is physically attracted to me,scared or waiting for me to give some kind of signal.We hit it off really well.He calls me everynight.He doesn't mind traveling 45 min. to see me and tells me he enjoys my company.We've only been dating for a couple weeks,but a kiss goodnite would be nice.What should I do.? I'm afraid to scare him away if I ask him what his intentions are.He is the first person in a long time that I feel I can trust.He's a gentleman and a man of his word.But I would like to be more than friends.
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 1:04 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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spicygamble
Posts: 462
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You're typically facing two situations...
Perhaps he's just as sweet & shy as he's coming off(*crosses fingers...).
He may be waiting for a sign from you to show him that those kinds of shows of affection are going to be returned without embaressment. If you feel it's time to move into the next phase... be subtle but open about it. Get snuggled up... it sets the perfect moment for a kiss. You can give him glances(putting your face in line with the old kissaroo). If he's really shy, you can sneak a soft cheek kiss in on him & that will let him know it's ok to move from there.
Now, you may be facing another situation... He may not be sure if he wants to get involved any further. By all indications, this is not what it sounds like.
If you really want to know, there is only one way to clear the air... find a tasteful way to breach the subject. Try to remember, everyone has their own way of searching. Men & women do tend to have their own languages when it comes to communication of that level. Be understanding & curious without laying any guilt or pointing any fingers & he will be more likely to open up about his feelings.
Just as a side note: please be careful.
We all put lots of faith in the company we keep. I'd like to think, it's a big perfect world & no one is nutty & twisted... but I know better.
If you get the impression something is wrong... listen to your gut feelings.
I wish you the best & will be imagining you two being all kissey kissey.
(*barf... I kid, I kid... sort of...)
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 1:07 PM |
I'm so confused!
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budo13
Posts: 3,085
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maybe he's a little shy pull him to ya and give him a BIG SLOPPY 
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 1:21 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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LadyMazo
Posts: 184
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3 dates? On the 4th I'd probably end up blurting out, and most likely quite out of the blue, "so what's a girl gotta do to get a kiss around here?" But that's just me :) A more subtle approach might be better for you...
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 1:54 PM |
I'm so confused!
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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The available options not necessarily in this order maybe; 1.) He is really a nice guy and is inexperienced. 2.) He's gay. 3.) Is playing it cool as he is receiving services else where. 4.) Possesses a very low libido 5.) Is the kind of guy mothers tell their daughters men like this really do exist.
If he is spending 45 minutes traveling one-way to see you in three dates then he must be attracted to you or something about you. Keep us posted and good luck.
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 2:25 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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Ron9
Posts: 386
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If I ever do start dating someone (which I doubt) she is probably going to be wondering the same thing.
I don’t trust anyone’s motives/logic/intent/sincerity anymore. I’m even starting to wonder about my own.
- my ex wife gave me more attention/affection/sex in the six weeks between the time she told me she was moving and she did move - than she had in the past 17 years. (exaggerated a bit but close) I can only conclude she was trying to keep me “agreeable” for her attempted whip out in the settlement.
- two of the three gals I have been out with (in this entire three plus years) took their cloths off before we had even so much as had a smoooch - the third one offered sex the next day - without me saying/doing anything (no exaggeration) - I could have been any guy to them. I can only conclude “a date” includes sex to many single people these days.
- I’ve found out that if you don’t say something like “I need to check the weather in Tahiti - I want to jet down there for brunch” in the first three emails they stop talking - and go to the next guy.
- I’ve figured out that ... no matter how respectful you are - if you are a male - to them you are just trying to get into their pants and they start jumping to that conclusion right off the bat.
DISCLAIMER - I am not talking about EVERY FEMALE ON THE PLANET - I am talking about my ex and me - the gals I have been out with - the gals that looked (at first) like a potential match to me - so the above excludes most females and all of the females that have had no contact with as I know nothing about them at all.
Ok ok - yeah a bit pizzy today - a gal contacted me that to me was a high potential - she was helping get it closer and closer and then ...........
I can only assume due to the fact I never said Lear Jet OR Porsche - she stopped talking.
blah ............... humbug.
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 3:16 PM |
I'm so confused!
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,959
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Personally, I wouldn't push the issue. There are several possible reasons for his behavior that I can think of off the top of my head.
1) He might be a truly nice guy who values intimacy and that thinks 3 dates in two weeks is simply still the "getting to know someone" stage.
Also, if you've told him any of the things you've told us here about how men have treated you (like an object, wanting only "one thing", etc.) then he might be going slowly on purpose so you don't see him that way.
2) It might be that he has doubts...somewhere...maybe not even consciously, and the last thing you want to do is get physically involved with someone who is ambivalent. If you force it, yes, he might well go along because it's fun, but his "buyer's remorse" will kick you in the butt later.
3) For whatever reason, he sees you only as a friend. And again, you don't want to force getting physical in that situation.
If you really enjoy his company, I would simply give it a few more dates. Then if he's still not made the slightest move, simply tell him nicely that you're finding him not only a good friend, but also attractive, and would like to know his intentions.
Listen carefully to whatever he tells you, and if he only wants to be a friend, then understand you cannot change his mind. Decide if you want to keep seeing him that way and only that way, and if you can't do it without wanting more, let him go.
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 3:25 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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beyondhelp
Posts: 1
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"so what's a girl gotta do to get a kiss around here?" But that's just me
Are you that loose with your morales?
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 3:37 PM |
I'm so confused!
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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^^^If that constitutes loose morals then I must be a whore. 
This same situation happened to me recently, except in reverse. We went out 3 times in 2 months, talked on the phone a few times a week. He did kiss me on the second date but I was a bit taken aback. I liked him a lot but I was still unsure of what kind of relationship I wanted to have with him.
Long story short, I wasn't interested in more than friendship. That is why I didn't kiss him or kiss back. I didn't want to mislead him!
Wawa...don't blow this with being overly needy. Go with the flow.
[Edited on 12/17/2006 3:45 PM]
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 4:05 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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DawolfLover
Posts: 568
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Just like everyone else is saying wawa, take it slow and don't worry if things don't progress in a specific timeframe. It sounds like he's just taking things slow, if he's willing to travel 45 minutes to see you then he's definitely interested as more than a friend. Just don't make the mistake of trying to take things physical too fast. Otherwise you'll end up in a situation like you've mentioned before. I dated my last girlfriend 2 to 3 times a week for a month before I kissed her the first time. Trust me it was worth it, afterwards there was nothing but kissing lol.
Hang in there chica.
On a side note, beyondhelp I don't believe she has low morals. I think she's an independant woman that knows what she wants. Why would you even consider something like that to be equal to loose morals? It's more open in a relationship than most anyone could ever ask for. Perhaps you're from "old school" values that women are required to cater to mens desires, but please don't assume that everyone that doesn't follow those "old school" traditions is of loose morals.
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 4:40 PM |
I'm so confused!
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Angel178
Posts: 22,954
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I'm glad you are back and posting. I agree with everyone here. Take your time, give suttle hints. Sounds like he might just be shy and wants to take his time. I was with my ex-husband for 18 years. It took him 3 months to make a move. I thought that it was me, it turned out that he just liked me a lot and didn't want to rush me. Don't worry 
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 4:44 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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The_love_Giant
Posts: 693
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I agree some guys are really shy and dont want to rush it
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 4:53 PM |
I'm so confused!
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wawasweetie
Posts: 242
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I'm very happy that we are not rushing things.And he read my profile on the other site and knows what I want.He came to me!!We click so well.We don't talk about stupid stuff.We communicate very well.He calls me every night.We've seen each other 3 times in 2 weeks.I don't want to rush things either.I'm being really careful about what I say and do.But,I don't want him to think I'm not interested either.I'm just playing it cool.But need to feel desired again.maybe he's saving our first kiss for Christmas or New Year's Eve! 
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 4:55 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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The_love_Giant
Posts: 693
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It could be its that time of yr
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 5:15 PM |
I'm so confused!
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IceDog
Posts: 153
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Welcome back wawa, and am glad to see you are going to take it nice and slow with this guy after all the drama you have been through it's better to go slow. He might just be shy or affraid he'll scare you away. You know there is nothing wrong with a woman kissing a guy first, but I'd ask him if you could kiss him first before just kissing him. Well good luck to you and I hope this works out well for you.
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 5:18 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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The_love_Giant
Posts: 693
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Know those are some wise words IceDog I could not have said better my self
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 6:14 PM |
I'm so confused!
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Snappygoddess
Posts: 3,818
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WaWa.. he knows you are interested or you wouldn't still be talking and seeing him.
Don't dive into a sexual relationship too fast or he may think you are interested in one thing.. just take it slow and allow things to happen naturally.
Good luck!
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 6:26 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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LadyMazo
Posts: 184
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Are you that loose with your morales?
beyondhelp, I'm actually much looser. Why, want lessons? 
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 6:33 PM |
I'm so confused!
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The_love_Giant
Posts: 693
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Oh I do me pick me lol
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| Dec 17, 2006 @ 6:55 PM |
I'm so confused! |
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wawasweetie
Posts: 242
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Thanks to all for the sweet thoughts.I want this to work.We are so compatible!I'm a little worried cause I haven't heard from him yet today.I share a house with someone and she was away for the weekend.She goes away alot!Well her son came over around 11 last night unexpectedly!He lives in new york.My friend felt uncomfortable.We were just watching movies,but I could tell it bothered him a little.He didn't rush off,in fact he stayed till 2am.I told him that I'm sorry that it was totally unexpected.I don't want him to think that we'll never have privacy and that something might be going on.My roommate's son was kind of ignorant.I hope this doesn't change things.He knew my living arrangements when he met me.But I do think it was ignorant to show up here in the middle of the night when the son could've came the next morning.I could've atleast been warned.I respect their privacy.Isn't it fair to respect mine???I don't want to screw things up with this guy or make him feel uncomfortable.
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