| Dec 19, 2006 @ 3:35 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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Optimistic66
Posts: 190
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So.. I met a really nice women a few weeks ago while at work at my regular daytime job. She came in to purchase some things for a corporate lunchrooms kitchen and we just kind of got to talking. She seemed like a nice lady so we exchanged phone numbers. We talked a couple of times and decided to meet for drinks and talk more in person. Since I was going to be performing a set at a friends club I figured that would be a nice place to meet. I told her that if she would like , she could stop in earlier than our planned meeting time and catch some of set. She managed to arrive for my last two songs. When I was finished I met her at a table and I thought that things went really well. We talked and had a pleasant evening so I thought. I called her a few days later to see if she might like to get together again some time. She responded by telling me that although she thought that I was a sweet, attractive and sincere guy she thought that I would be the kind of guy who would be hard to keep up with.  I though, " What the he~~."
I can't figure out what she may have meant by that. Maybe asking her to meet at a place where I was going to be performing was a bad idea. Was it the right place to meet?
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 4:04 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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definitelydi
Posts: 12,602
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I don't necessarily think it was wrong, but maybe a more quiet meeting spot would have been in order. I think she may have some preconceived notions of what the life of a musician (even a part time one) is like and it's not something that interests her. Look at it this way, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. You didn't do anything wrong by trying to share a part of your life that's really important to you.
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 4:15 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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You probably didn't do anything wrong. Not every date works out.
MJ
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 4:18 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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wiccked
Posts: 12,300
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at least you had a first date-   i am still waiting!!!! 
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 4:24 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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encorrgbl
Posts: 1,390
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/agree with Def and Raz
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 4:50 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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Hey...why does Di get top billing???
Age before beauty, dammit! And I'm older!
MJ
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 4:56 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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encorrgbl
Posts: 1,390
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Age before beauty, dammit! And I'm older!
Ahhh... But you see... You're both beautiful... At any age...
*bows with respect*
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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uab_5
Posts: 4,759
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Dude, I've been on such a drought...
I've got bea coup female friends but haven't been in a serious relationship since my ex wife left me two and a half years ago.
Just don't give up. 
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 5:00 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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razzired
Posts: 2,922
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oohhh...That was smooth, Enc.
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 5:36 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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travelnfrog
Posts: 572
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Could have been many things...she may be a homebody but decided to venture out one night, decided it was too much not her. She may not be a smoker. She may not like the kind of music you played. She may have met someone else in the meantime.
I think in these days of electronic everything, including dating, we expect instantaneous results. Rarely does that happen....and the older we get the tougher it seems. I've had great conversations, both online and phone, with several guys and then they seem to disappear. Would be nice if I at least got a "not interested" email but what the heck. 
You took a chance, had a nice time so don't get discouraged just because it didn't work out.
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 7:42 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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Aries361
Posts: 273
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It could have been anything. You just never know. The rules of attraction are complex - I have never figured them out. You may have to go out and meet lots of women before you find one who is really attracted to you.
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 10:00 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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swingpup
Posts: 4,105
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Possibly you do have to much energy for her thus her comment on she couldn't keep up. If you were performing in the evening, she might have felt that you are a guy able to go 18/7. For some they are not accustomed to "working" more then 8 hours a day. Hell man move on, it gets better. Good luck
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 10:07 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,354
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You probably didn't do anything wrong. Not every date works out.
I go with this one. You can never tell what a person has in mind. She may have not liked something and not wanted to tell you what it really was so made this up. Or she may have associated you with someone else and mistakenly made an assumption that you shared this trait she didn't like with them. Or she may have misinterpreted something you said during your conversation with her. Or who knows what she thought.
Don't sweat it! Just go to the next one.
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 11:04 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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Raiynth
Posts: 461
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I agree that it probably wasn't anything you did wrong.
I do give her some props for having the guts to tell you how she felt, instead of dodging calls, or stringing you along. At least you know where you stand, even though it didn't work out the way you hoped. Considering that she said you're sweet, attractive and sincere, I'd say the evening wasn't a complete loss.
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| Dec 19, 2006 @ 11:13 PM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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DiamondRain
Posts: 6,354
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I do give her some props for having the guts to tell you how she felt, instead of dodging calls, or stringing you along. At least you know where you stand, even though it didn't work out the way you hoped.
ditto
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| Dec 20, 2006 @ 1:14 AM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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SensualGemini
Posts: 6,892
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Breath mint, breath mint.... ... Opt, it just happens and be happy she did not string you along. Your initial perceptions were rather good; she was a nice woman.
...Maybe next time, take the woman someplace where she is the center of attention, not you... and don't ask to get together sometime, be specific and know enough about her, that she will find it of interest; just in case you are not.
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| Dec 20, 2006 @ 7:20 AM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I've had more than a few first dates, meetings, get-togethers (sheesh, even describing the dang thing is hard….lol) that I thought went very well—she seemed "into" the conversation, great body language, sometimes a nice farewell kiss on the cheek—only to get home and get a Dear Jeff message saying even though she had a great time, I'm not really her cuppa tea. Go figure.
At first I tried to dissect the date and psychoanalyze everything, only to reach the conclusion that sometimes things just happen. There doesn't have to be a clear cut reason in every case; people are what they are. Maybe she changed her mind or I wildly misread her intentions; either way I don't obsess about it anymore and just move on.
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| Dec 20, 2006 @ 10:09 AM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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sciurusniger
Posts: 2,958
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There's no accounting for taste. Period.
I've met any number of really great men in my life, but there has always been that elusive, undefinable "something" missing. We can all click with many other people on many levels, but a whole relationship requires that two people click on ALL levels.
So I can consider someone attractive and nice, but that doesn't mean that when all is said and done they are the right one for me in terms of a serious, intimate partnering relationship.
But you won't know if you don't try. It's simply a matter of staying open, staying honest, and trusting your instincts when, say, even here on a dating site, someone's font catches your attention. Whether in "real time" or online, you move slowly, you start exploring, revealing your Selves to one another little by little. If it's good, if it's right, I believe you just know almost from the get-go and so you take the risk, keep on exploring, revealing, day by day, level by level.
And then you wake up one morning and realize that you're in a pretty darned nice place, one where your dreams have spilled over to fill your days as well as your nights, and goodness is something you can actually hold in your hands.
But again, you have to be willing to take a chance and not fret over details like timing, others' preferences, distance, etc., etc., etc. When it's supposed to happen, it just happens.
Patience, Grasshoppers....
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| Dec 20, 2006 @ 10:26 AM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 9,737
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I see a lot of terms being tossed around when discussing relationships. Long-term is totally different than short-term or "casual" relationships, which is also completely different than friendships.
Another thing I see is people with endless checklists; things you "must" have in order to be considered relationship material. Being choosy has its virtues—settling for incompatible attributes or not sharing basic ideals will usually lead to relationship failure in the long run—but having too many is totally unrealistic and exclusionary.
Look, most of us can probably get a date tomorrow; might even be able to stretch something into a few months. But I don't consider that a "serious" relationship. To me it's more like slumming until something better comes along or you get tired of the person you're currently with.
If people don't mind being in temporary relationships I guess there's no foul, but sooner or later I'd think you'd want to have something more?
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| Dec 22, 2006 @ 8:50 AM |
My First Date In A Long Time. What Did I Do Wrong? |
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zulamaze
Posts: 1,266
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I have been on first dates that did not work out.
If I don't feel attracted to that person, it won't go anywhere.
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