| Nov 27, 2005 @ 10:48 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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guido272003
Posts: 6
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hello out there......a couple of months ago i met a really sweet girl on matchdoctor.....we talked on the phone a few times and got along really well.......when we finally had our first date it was......how can i put it......a feeling that just overtakes you......when i saw this girl i was overwhelmed........i have never felt like this with anyone......ever..........it just felt so right.........a few days later we had arranged to take my boys to c.c. and meet her family......she said she had something to tell me when we go together.....at work that morning i freaked and called it off...........i couldnt bring myself to talk to her i was so scared.........we exchanged a few emails that were less than nice......but that was two+ months ago....eversince then i cannot stop thinking about her....no matter how hard i try......just when i think i am over her...BAM!!!!!........every little thing around me from songs to you name it brings certain emotions that i cant seem to explain.......i have never believed in love at first site but could this have been.......was she that one for me or am i just guilty for the way i handled things when i freaked out...anyone that can help me shed some light on this i would greatly appreciate this...thank you
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 2:02 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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buni
Posts: 971
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First of all....welcome to the forums 
Now...I have to tell you that the mods will probably move this to a different forum so if you don't see it in here it will most likely be in the dating forum.
I think you should either move on and look for someone else, or try to talk to her again, but it sounds to me like you may have gotten attached to someone you never met in person a wee bit too fast and when you backed out she probably lost interest...I may be wrong. I dunno.
Hint...don't back out on meetings because most likely the other one will think you really aren't interested and lose interest in you unless they are obsessed with you.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 2:28 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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sweetblueyedarling
Posts: 48
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ok guido, here it is...as i understand it, u freaked because she said she had something to tell u. u were afraid she was gonna tell u something u didnt want to hear...so u canceled...right? well im sure by now u have figured out it could have been anything that she wanted to tell u...from she has 10 cats to she thinks she is falling in love with u. did she tell u in the emails what it was she had wanted to say?? with the limited knowledge, here is my 101 expert advice. Email her with this letter:
Dear .......
I'm so sorry that I canceled our meeting on ....date. I was so excited to see you but afraid that you would tell me that you didnt want to be with me...and that would have broken my heart. I didnt really mean to hurt you ....I was just scared. The things I said in the emails were from frustration and anger at myself. Im so sorry. Please forgive me. Can we please start over ...as I cant get you out of my mind? There are so many things about you that I adore....like ......, ......., etc. and the way you made me feel when I met you, I have never felt with anyone else. Please give me a chance to show you how I really feel about you. signed: Yours, ......
Here is the simple truth...always works best. And dont forget that persistence is flattering, sweetness is swaying, and flowers dont hurt. Dont let anymore time go by.......bust a move man!! lol, Lots of luck.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 2:48 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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MACADU
Posts: 53
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Hi Sweet, That letter would convince me if I were that
lucky girl, lucky to have a man feel that much for her..
If I ever need a letter will you write it for me??????      
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 6:33 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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Wibber
Posts: 162
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Did you ever find out what she wanted to tell you? It sounds like it was already serious if the kids were going to meet her family. You should have just sucked it up and heard what she had to say. Did you ever find out?
Anyway, I agree that you should send her the e-mail that Sweetblueye wrote or something similar in your own words and hope for the best. And flowers might help as well. She's probably puzzled as far as what happens and is wondering WTF happened too. Two months is too long-- clear it up once and for all. If it's over then at least you know, and best case scenario is another chance.
Good luck.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 8:06 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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skinnybarncat
Posts: 368
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hmmmmmm....all advice above is good...
i get the feeling that more is going on ....was there something about her ? you did write some "not nice" things.
were they true from your perspective? were her accusations
accurate?
i think that i understand what you did and how you were feeling...i have done that sort of thing.....it took me many years of study to understand a little and to develope
something that worked for me...
what do you think set up the condition within you that lead to the "freaking out"? i don't need to know that....but, maybe you do and need to work on that some...to understand and to develop different tools to work with...
wish you well....
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 11:19 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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Agree with Wibber and skinny. There are a few blanks in your story, Guido, and the info could have enormous bearing on the kind of advice I'd give. The biggest question is her version and point of view in all this?
Anyway, the news she was about to give could have been positive, never know. But I realize when it comes to dating we put ourselves through all kinds of mental gymnastics and sometimes see ghosts where there are none.
I loved sweet's message idea. If you think the woman is that special you should contact her and see if there's a chance of reconciling. If you don't, you'll go through life playing the "What If?…" game.
But be prepared to hear news you won't like. She might not have wanted to pursue things and moved on to another relationship? Won't know until you hear it.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 11:41 AM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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conny90045
Posts: 142
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Hi Guido,
You are far most not a moron. You seem like such a nice person. It's easy to get freaked out.
I really liked what Sweetblueyedarling said. The letter is just perfect. The best way to be is honest. I really hope you get her back and I really hope she understands.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 12:36 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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13lucky
Posts: 304
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She was inviting you to bring your kids to meet her family??? Dude..you blew it! No one would take anyone home unless they were serious at that time..
What made you freak out..This was a natural progression in your relationship..
EMAIL HER...CALL HER .. something!!! if you felt that strongly about her...fight for your relationship!!
Now remember I'm saying all this based on what you told us..I have not read between the lines, Face value only!
[Edited on 11/28/2005 12:37 PM]
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 7:12 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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MarysPlace
Posts: 2,930
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OK, let's count everything that's wrong with this situation.
First, you were taking your children to meet her family on the SECOND date? That didn't strike you as too soon?
Second, you freaked that she'd tell you something that you wouldn't like, that would shatter the happy fantasy and therefore you'd lose her? So you chose to cancel and lose her? That doesn't seem very logical to me...
Third, you exchanged "not so nice emails"... Gee I wonder why...
Fourth, you waited TWO months to ask this?
From the title of your post, I'd tell you which, I'm just afraid it's not apropriate...
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 7:41 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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jdctx
Posts: 162
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I think Mary might be right !
and of course Motown comment
"when it comes to dating we put ourselves through all kinds of mental gymnastics and sometimes see ghosts where there are none"
Maybe she didn't feel about you the way you hoped she would..?
If your ready to accept the posibility that she may not have been as interested as you thought, then sure talk to her.. and be ready to move on if you find it wasn't as you had hoped
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 8:00 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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someone_me
Posts: 506
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Guido,
I'd say stop listening to the Dixie Cups so much and take the time to find out if it really is love or not you're feeling. My guess would be that it's something else, but lest the twilight zone romance club commence with their klingon assault on something I say here again , take some time to look deep inside yourself. What is love to you? What is codependence? Is there a difference between the two? Should you rush headlong into the mental gymnastics going on here or should you be taking an open hand and slapping yourself upside the head? Apart from the fancied notion of "love at first sight", I don't see anything healthy about relationships forming so quickly and getting so serious this quickly.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 10:25 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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guido272003
Posts: 6
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I want to say that I found out through one of the not so nice emails that she wanted to tell me that she "loved" me which is what I thought she was going to say. That is what I was thinking at work that morning. I apologize to all. I thought I had out that in my post.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 10:29 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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Wibber
Posts: 162
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I want to say that I found out through one of the not so nice emails that she wanted to tell me that she "loved" me which is what I thought she was going to say. That is what I was thinking at work that morning. I apologize to all. I thought I had out that in my post.
And why would that freak you out so much? I thought after your first date it was "love at first sight" or similar.
Make up your goddam mind already. I think you've jerked her around enough. Actually, if I were her, I think by now I would have moved on and said screw you.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 10:43 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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guido272003
Posts: 6
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[QUOTE]And why would that freak you out so much? I thought after your first date it was "love at first sight" or similar.
Make up your goddam mind already. I think you've jerked her around enough. Actually, if I were her, I think by now I would have moved on and said screw you. ........
After our first date it felt like love at first site....but at the speed it seemed to be going it reminded me too much as to how my marriage started out.......alot of similaritites between the two........i think that is the main reason for my freaking out.....what i am now trying to figure out is why i cannot stop thinking and having the feelings for her that are in my head.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 10:54 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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Guido, I feel for ya. But if things are really done with her you've got to put things behind and get on with life.
Don't put yourself in fizzled-relationship purgatory and go all psycho with this. One thing you can learn from the experience is don't get carried away with this love at first sight feeling after just one date. Live and learn.
Good Luck.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 11:09 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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guido272003
Posts: 6
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Motown....thanks for your response....along with all the other responses i am starting to see a little light at the end of this tunnel.......Motown, i feel like i am starting to go a little phsyco over this.......any ideas on how to put her out of my head for good?
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 11:21 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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MotownManiax
Posts: 7,881
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A new girlfriend would be a start? 
Just please don't put her through torture by constantly referring/thinking/obsessing over the lost love. Start fresh and give her a chance.
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 11:33 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself?
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guido272003
Posts: 6
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i hear what you are saying Motown.....that would definately be a start........  ..........believe me.....i will follow your advice and not obsess over past failures.....i think that has been one of my faults in life...  .......  to ya..tallk to you guys later
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| Nov 28, 2005 @ 11:50 PM |
am i a moron or just being to hard on myself? |
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Angel54214
Posts: 14,066
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Hi Guido, I was reading your profile and see that you are separated. Are you truly ready to fall in love? Also those 2 beauiful little boys you have, they deserve to have a stable Dad. You need to look at your situation and think of those boys and getting the divorce done before you get seriously involved so soon? Also you state in profile you are shy and withdrawn...hummm, sounds like you need some inner therapy there too. You see, I would never even date a man that was separated or even newly divorced. The baggage is there! See? You have a ways to go!
Also, if you compare any other woman, or anything a woman does to your recent separation, you will loose, got it? You shouldn't bring a bran new loving lady into your life and family until you are healed and strong. How can you be 100percent in a new relationship with the past still on your shoulders? Just trying to help you out and see what where you are right now. Don't hurt anyone, dont do it! She probably was a very nice wonderful woman and you ran cause you were scared of your ownself that has not ended marriage to history. Angel
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